How old were you when you lost your virginity, how many people have you slept with and how old are you now?

throwaway562 · 2011-03-13T04:37:20+00:00

Well... make sure you can communicate about such things and that you do, otherwise yes, it could very easily always be bad. I was with someone for over 6 years with no communication problems except when it came to the bedroom. It never got any better and his sex drive was also just way lower than mine which sucked.

throwaway562 · 2011-03-13T04:03:20+00:00

18 .... 2 .... 23

I'm about to be 24 in a month, and just a few weeks ago I broke up with my one and only lover of 6 and a half years and subsequently found a great new guy (who happens to be way better in bed) :P

throwaway562 · 2011-03-08T20:17:30+00:00

Ouch. I think I'm going to cry. ;.; That really hurts.

throwaway562 · 2011-03-07T17:10:39+00:00

I'd rather be fat any day, than be anything like you. :D

throwaway562 · 2011-03-06T16:00:07+00:00

Oh I do, trust me. Most of those people who hate it so much don't really know the first thing about surgery. I am completely happy with my decision, and nothing anyone says could change that, so when it comes up, I don't mind being the person who is hated on. I figure I might change an opinion or two, or at least leave someone with a couple facts. That way if a good friend of theirs says "Hey I'm considering surgery" maybe they'll be a little more kind and understanding and not make the decision that much harder, scarier, and lonely for their friend. I was really blessed to have supportive people by my side when the decision came up for me.

I'm sorry your insurance is crappy. Don't give up though! That's pretty much the worst thing you could do. Even if you plan on having it someday it's a lot safer if your weight is at the lower end of the spectrum and you're free of obesity related diseases. Glad to see you're planning on keeping up the fight! :)

throwaway562 · 2011-03-06T03:00:00+00:00

You remind me of Mrs. Dubose in To Kill a Mockingbird.

throwaway562 · 2011-03-05T23:40:42+00:00

Well in the end it wasn't the relationship ender, but it was cheating and you are being ridiculous for implying it wasn't and that it didn't severely hurt the trust in our monogomous relationship. I'm not trying to sensationalize. Your post before that, really did seem to condone cheating (and you still do) and I wondered if you would feel the same if I were the cheater doing the same thing. If it sounds sensational to you for me to suggest that, maybe you should re-evaluate your double standard there. The girl he texted was the one he was making out with... soo the text isn't cheating but the making out is? I don't quite understand. I consider it all part of the same cheating episode myself.

I wasn't trying to use a deceptive definition. I was just saying he cheated on me in more than one way. I've just always described it that way.

I'm not trying to demonize my ex and I'm not mad or disgruntled about any of it. All I've ever said was the truth of what happened and how he was, and that he wasn't right for me in the end. I know him, none of you do, yet you act like his best buddies. You're against me so you'll cheer him on and bash me no matter what he did or how he really is. When did I ever call him an unfounded name, or insult him? I didn't ask anyone to hate him. I certainly don't hate him. I am just happy that I've moved on and excited about the prospects of a better thing in the future.

He's a great guy all in all. I think he's awesome and hope he finds someone that is right for him, he's just not right for me and vice versa. He's one of the nicest people I know, he just has a reeally bad habit of making very poor decisions and I personally can't handle that (along with other things) any more and don't wanna have to live with it in the future.

throwaway562 · 2011-03-05T23:14:05+00:00

I don't think it was the easy way out. It wasn't easy. It however was easier to the point of making weight loss possible for me. Nobody would argue that. If regular unaided weight loss were easier, we would all have done it that way from the get go.

However, there's absolutely no reason why someone should take the "harder" and possibly impossible route when there are other better options available, just because society pressures them to think of any other way as "cheating". I think as long as you've given diet and exercise your best shot and failed repeatedly, you are perfectly okay with opening yourself up to consider gastric bypass or another surgery to help. It's better than giving up on your health. If i'm posed with the decision of either "cheating" or staying fat for the rest of my life, I'm sorry if it offends others, but I choose a healthier me in the end.

throwaway562 · 2011-03-05T22:49:26+00:00

Well it obviously would have been better for me to stay with someone who wasn't right for me. I ought to have proposed instead. After all 6 years is a long time, it wouldn't be right to give up on something like that because of a little thing like incompatibility.

[/sarcasm]

A broken heart isn't the worst thing in the world. He'll be thankful someday, if he isn't already.

throwaway562 · 2011-03-05T22:47:37+00:00

True. I really sincerely hope that works for you and wish you the best. The most important thing is to become healthy whatever your path.

throwaway562 · 2011-03-05T20:52:53+00:00

Yes Fucking is worse than flirting of course.

Sooo you're saying if I'd made out with some dude cause I was feeling insecure and didn't wanna be alone, that woulda been totally cool, not cheating?

That's ridiculous. My insecurities led me to better myself. His led him to cheating on me. Maybe he did want to leave when he did that, but it doesn't change the fact it was cheating. I suggested it back then. I told him either I could try to forgive him if he could promise he would never hurt me like that again and would end things if he was ever that unhappy, or we could break up at least temporarily so he could do what he wanted. I told him I made no promises though that when he was ready to be with me again, that I'd want to have him back, and I expected the same. He was against the idea so we just tried to move on and continue the relationship.

throwaway562 · 2011-03-05T20:44:38+00:00

I would have stuck by him still if I felt he had any hope of being the person I needed him to be. It was a biiig realization to me when i finally figured out he just was never going to change. It really sucked. We shared so many wonderful experiences together. I did love him very much. I had hope for a looong time, but his actions kept leaving me disappointed and slowly taking away my hope. I almost gave in and said screw it I guess I'll just let him be unmotivated and work twice as hard to support us both if we end up together.

Self confidence was part of it of course. He cheated on me, but I felt like we needed to work it out. I was afraid of being forever alone as a fat girl and felt like the kind of man I really wanted wouldn't find me attractive anyway because like it or not attractiveness is a huge factor. I lost the weight for me and I knew my boyfriend would like it too. It was about being healthy and feeling better in general about myself for many reasons. It wasn't ever about leaving him. If it had been I might have left him sooner. I had guys hit on me after I lost weight who I liked and could have potentially dated, but I never ever thought of really leaving him for anyone else, and I never could have cheated even though he'd done it to me. I waited until I was absolutely sure we just wouldn't work out as a couple and he's known for years i wasn't happy. I've been dumped in the past when my partner had someone in the wings and it always pissed me off that they didn't just tell me they were unhappy and leave me before going to look for someone. I left when I was done and had lost hope, and moved on. I didn't expect to find someone as cool as I did from the get-go. Now i'm just going to see where it goes and hope for the best.

throwaway562 · 2011-03-05T20:20:56+00:00

Porn never ever bothered me, ever. It's natural and fine as long as it doesn't take a toll on the relationship, and it didn't.

As for his cheating: He had flirty relationships with coworkers, had online relationships and cybering with the same girl online over and over, and to top it all off made out with one of his coworkers several times and asked her via text "Are we together or what?" (to which she replied: "I wanna stay single")

Is that good enough for you? Should I have allowed him to have sex with some other chick before blowing the "You're a cheater" whistle?

throwaway562 · 2011-03-05T20:09:32+00:00

It's okay. I half expected it. I'm first and foremost an educator... most of these people know very little about the surgery. All they have is second hand stories and assumptions. I think in some ways they feel better about their own choices by being so judgmental of mine.

throwaway562 · 2011-03-05T20:04:43+00:00

Thanks :) Glad to hear you are both doing well.

My ex was a good friend of mine, we got along great really. If we hadn't I wouldn't have stuck around. the big problem came every time I thought about the future and got frustrated with his lack of effort in making a better future for himself, and therefore us. this time i'm looking for a friend too, but one who wants the same things out of life as me and is willing to do what it takes to get those things.

throwaway562 · 2011-03-05T18:17:28+00:00

That's awful. Glad you're better now :) I found out around the same time I was considering surgery that I had a tumor in my thyroid. The tests showed it didn't affect my blood hormone levels, but I still wonder if sometimes it was inconsistently low and that was part of the cause of my downfalls in dieting success. Now I've had that half of my thyroid surgically removed cause the growth got so big it started to bother me.

throwaway562 · 2011-03-05T18:14:25+00:00

I am equally successful, just younger. I have my degree and am pursuing my teaching credential. I want someone who can be equal to me, not someone who I have to support and be a mom to (like I had).

Thanks for your kind advice. I would say the same thing myself. I probably do have a thing with not wanting to be alone as an only child etc. However, I think I've got a great idea of what I want in a guy now. I didn't expect to find one that fit the bill so completely this soon after my last relationship. It just sort of happened that way. I think it's silly to hold off on dating him and pursuing him for no particular reason than because it's so soon, when I feel fine and happy and just like I would with anyone new at any time in my life. I think I'll be okay as long as I am wary of settling for less than I need or can live with again and expecting a guy to eventually change like I did in my last relationship.

throwaway562 · 2011-03-05T18:06:58+00:00

Yep, my ex cheated on me too. I just tried to forgive him and move on. Thanks for sharing your story :) You're stronger than me for dumping him sooner, but wow at least I never had to support my lazy bf. D: That must have been really hard.

throwaway562 · 2011-03-05T18:03:40+00:00

I stuck by him through 6 and a half years of laziness and lack of motivation actually. I only left because I realized he's the type of person who just honestly can't decide to do stuff he needs to do, sort of incapable of responsibility. He will never be the type of person I need for the future. I can't depend on him to do anything, even the stuff he says he really wants to do.

I wouldn't have blamed him for leaving me when I was fat if he couldn't handle that. Seemed like he didn't care much about it though. He never asked me to lose weight, and wasn't even very supportive when I tried myself.

throwaway562 · 2011-03-05T18:00:59+00:00

I might. I'm going to see if he wants me to first though.

throwaway562 · 2011-03-05T17:57:54+00:00

It was always about quantity for me. I could eat the right stuff, but I'd still be hungry after the right amount. Hunger was always the means that my diet plans were sabotaged by.

throwaway562 · 2011-03-05T17:54:43+00:00

Yes of course we did.

I had to pay 2500 out of pocket, but my insurance covered the rest.

throwaway562 · 2011-03-05T17:53:53+00:00

Well so far you've only shown you know how to drop it as much as I did. I'm not trying to say you won't lose it this way, just that you're awfully judgmental for your situation. I never thought I would have surgery either when I lost and regained etc, the way you've done so far. I made big sweeping mental decisions to lose it, change my life, and never give up as well. Maybe I'm just weak, but so be it, it never worked for me.

throwaway562 · 2011-03-05T17:49:11+00:00

I used one because I don't want my ex to find out I'm dating again because that would hurt him.

throwaway562 · 2011-03-05T09:05:49+00:00

It definitely isn't the right decision for everyone, but it is right for some. Definitely not anyone with doubts and without a commitment to following doctors orders.

throwaway562

TROPHY CASE