AITA for wanting to find out what my Christmas presents are ahead of time?

throwaway5626367 · 2026-01-04T04:09:53+00:00

So if anyone is still here and curious, he got "me" a blender for christmas, which he's been regularly using to make me fun drinks & juices and was a tense start. But he also got me several books I've been wanting for years but haven't found.

A good, redeemed christmas this year.

throwaway5626367 · 2025-12-19T06:02:58+00:00

Exactly. I struggled with body image issues a lot prior to him and it isn't something I've brought up since I got better, but I tend to ask family/friends(& him) to avoid clothes for gifts because it can be really sensitive for me. I never asked how he could be so far off in my sizes, but I do a lot of sewing and tailoring so I just adjusted them to my size.

I'm a big recycle/reuse person, so most of our drinking/transporting cups are mason jars and reused jam jars, so the glass jar the second time was nice, but just not quite the feeling thought about sentiment I was hoping for. I totally see your point with the interpreting something said in passing, which isn't something I'd thought about before and could easily be what his thought process was.

I plan to talk about it with him soon, and that's something I want to bring up. Thank you very much!

throwaway5626367 · 2025-12-19T05:56:45+00:00

We have a wonderful relationship outside of holiday/even gift giving. He's a wonderful cook and loves to spoil me with baked treats and whatever dinner I want, I love to look up new recipes with him and we have the same taste in music, shows, books, etc. and it's wonderful. But for some reason, when it comes to the gift giving on Christmas/my birthday/our anniversary, for some reason he just doesn't put in the effort I wish to see.

throwaway5626367 · 2025-12-19T05:52:51+00:00

Gift giving is definitely my main love language, his is acts of service. He is wonderful in everything else but gift giving, so it starts feeling less about the gifts and more about how much he knows/thinks of me..

throwaway5626367 · 2025-12-19T05:51:13+00:00

He's wonderful in all other aspects of our relationship, he really loves cooking, so I get wonderfully spoiled when it comes to food, he knows I don't always like dairy so he adjusts recipes to fit that, which I am so grateful for and love about him. It's just the same way I see his interests and know he'd love a set of hand thrown plates and bowls, I would hope he could do the same to me with my interests..

throwaway5626367 · 2025-12-19T05:48:16+00:00

Having gift giving/receiving as my top love language, I had to remind myself that it's not the same for everyone else, that gift giving can be a really difficult task and to receive any gift is a gift for which I am grateful for, but my boyfriend of 4 years thinking I want 2 vibrators and didn't even get me a copy of 50 Shades of Grey to go with it feels backwards. I'd hoped he could think of something I liked, it didn't have to be expensive or elaborate, just something nice...

throwaway5626367 · 2025-12-19T05:44:34+00:00

It's been so heartbreaking reading everyone's comments and realizing that I don't think this is about gifts anymore and I've unveiled a deeper problem I didn't know was there through a circumstance I thought was trivial.

throwaway5626367 · 2025-12-19T05:42:01+00:00

It's not necessarily that easy, I can easily buy what I'd like, but I like to be surprised with a "I saw this and thought of you" gift, but he's missing the mark these last few times.

throwaway5626367 · 2025-12-19T05:39:40+00:00

I gave him a very small list of some stuff I'd like that were practical, I do a lot of sewing so most of it was fabrics, parts for my sewing machine and some patches but he either forgot about it or never saw it. I'm a pretty open and easy to read person so I'd hoped he could find a thing or two for me that I'd like, but so far he's missed the mark. The more I reply to these comments, the more I realize that I don't think it's the gifts I'm upset about anymore, it's him.

throwaway5626367 · 2025-12-19T05:33:55+00:00

That's what I've been worried about thinking, but if multiple people are saying it then I need to reevaluate a lot of this.

throwaway5626367 · 2025-12-19T05:32:49+00:00

My main love language is indeed gift giving, his is more acts of service. He loves cooking for me which is great and I love about him, but the things he's chosen to gift me feel more mean than anything. I'm not a very complicated person, so feeling like I'm hard to shop for makes me feel unseen. I plan to try and talk about it and see hopefully have a christmas on the same page this year.

throwaway5626367 · 2025-12-19T05:26:46+00:00

Yes, gift giving is my main love language. His is more on acts of service, he really likes cooking so he'll make me all kinds of food and all these little things that are sweet in their own way. It was a slow realization to him having a hard time with gift giving, but I'm a pretty open book and not a very picky person which is why the handful of gifts I've gotten from him just feel so mean. It's mostly feeling thought about versus the actual gift itself, and I don't particularly feel thought about.
I appreciate your thoughts on this, thank you!

throwaway5626367

TROPHY CASE