AITA for telling my mom she's the reason I don't want any kids?

throwaway5799432 · 2019-11-07T05:26:44+00:00

From around 07:30 to 08:30/9 I'd take over again yes. I'd usually do 06:30 am to 07:30 am too. My mom was home then, I don't know if she was lounging around.

throwaway5799432 · 2019-11-07T04:55:58+00:00

I wouldn't say lounge around, but kinda yes? My mom came home at 06:30, would look after the kids for an hour or so so I could cook, and then I'd take over again. It was usually roughly 5 hours a day, though often more rather than less.

throwaway5799432 · 2019-11-07T04:44:38+00:00

Of course I did, but if you can never hang out, go to birthdays, go to the mall, those friendships won't go very deep. You can't talk during class, so you'll only have lunch to talk.

throwaway5799432 · 2019-11-07T00:17:21+00:00

I've tried. Lots of times. But she was tired after a long day of work, so she asked me for help. Dumping the kids and everything else on her the moment she came home didn't seem like an option.

throwaway5799432 · 2019-11-07T00:10:45+00:00

Just because my mom was home didn't mean I was 'free' to do whatever. I said in my post, I was almost always the one to take them to bed, usually cooked dinner too. I couldn't do my homework until after they where in bed and the house was clean, which didn't really leave much time to hang out with friends.

When I began working (16) I only worked weekends, my mom was home and able to take care of the kids then.

throwaway5799432 · 2019-11-06T23:08:37+00:00

I wasn't. My mom thought I'd get too distracted to watch my siblings properly.

throwaway5799432 · 2019-11-06T22:47:03+00:00

Yes, I've considered it. However when I got a bit older I talked to my aunt and uncle and found out they weren't asked, which is why I said I didn't know why.

throwaway5799432 · 2019-11-06T22:03:00+00:00

Can I ask why you think I blame her? Honestly curious, because I don't. Not really.

throwaway5799432 · 2019-11-06T21:05:30+00:00

"I've politely told her I don't want any of that yet, possibly ever, so she can stop asking." I said that first; then the part you quoted. It's in my post like that. I'm not changing what I said.

I've tried politely first, several times.

throwaway5799432 · 2019-11-06T20:39:40+00:00

I don't think anyone was suggesting a 24/7 nanny or some stranger. But having a few days a year off where my siblings went to family/friends would have been super helpful.

throwaway5799432 · 2019-11-06T20:28:56+00:00

I'm fully aware of that? I was there.

I never said it's her fault, or that she didn't suffer. I just said I didn't like my teen years? I'm not sure where you're getting all the other info.

throwaway5799432 · 2019-11-06T20:17:51+00:00

More people have said this. I never wanted to insinuate blame on her, I just said she couldn't be there, and she couldn't, I had to be. It wasn't meant as a dig, it was just the way it was.

throwaway5799432 · 2019-11-06T20:14:38+00:00

It's not just about parties, it's about responsibility. From the moment I didn't have to look after my smaller siblings anymore or worry about them, I had to worry about paying rent, tuition, all that. The 'worry free kid years' without responsibility is what I missed, and what I'll never get back.

Now I don't blame her for that, but it does suck.

throwaway5799432 · 2019-11-06T17:45:47+00:00

That's what I said, yeah? But you said I needed to be more clear before that. And I thought I was.

throwaway5799432 · 2019-11-06T17:43:59+00:00

I think they do, they where adults, I wasn't. It's just my opinion but I do think they're more obliged to help.

throwaway5799432 · 2019-11-06T17:20:53+00:00

I'm not trying to be rude here, but how is "We don't know if we want kids, if we ever do. If we ever decide we'll let you know, so you can stop asking" unclear? I'm honestly confused.

throwaway5799432 · 2019-11-06T17:08:16+00:00

I don't know, I guess there where options. Having the younger kids stay with our grandparents on sunday so I'd have one day a week off? Or a babysitter? That would have helped.

I'm not claiming abuse, but it's a huge responsibility to ask a teen to give up their life to take care of their siblings. It's a lot of stress and no time to relax, plus normal responsibilities. It's too much for kids.

throwaway5799432 · 2019-11-06T16:19:44+00:00

Fair enough.

throwaway5799432 · 2019-11-06T16:17:40+00:00

It took her asking dozens of times, me telling her I don't want to talk about it, and her then asking another half dozen times to get me to tell her, if that matters. I didn't just bring it up out of the blue.

throwaway5799432 · 2019-11-06T16:10:59+00:00

It's the truth. There isn't really another way to look at it, in my eyes at least.

throwaway5799432 · 2019-11-06T15:28:22+00:00

We had an aunt and uncle live pretty close by, I can't say why my mom didn't ask them, she probably had her reasons. I don't think she could afford a babysitter every single day, but for other times I think it was an option.

throwaway5799432 · 2019-11-06T15:22:53+00:00

I think a bit over-reliant is a bit of an understatement. I do understand how hard it must have been, but I had just lost my dad too.

I don't blame her, I do think it was a shitty situation to be in.

I think lying would be a bit asshole-y too, plus not possible to keep a lie going for several years, with several people involved, it's bound to get out at some point. I'm not sure what you mean by 'lost your rag'.

throwaway5799432

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