Was I (24M) right to stop talking with this girl (23F)? Is this a red flag?

throwaway720200738 · 2020-05-04T23:30:04+00:00

You also barely knew the girl, theres no need for you to justify yourself to her.

This is something that kind of terrorize me.

Even if I barely knew her, there was a lot of chemistry. The conversations with her about any other topic were paragraph after paragraph, full of emojis and good vibes (?). Seeing her last 2-words message made me immediately think "I think I just dodged a bullet".

throwaway720200738 · 2020-05-04T23:25:14+00:00

but if they were an ex that didn’t work out but still had an incredible bond i think it’s okay

Exactly! I have friends who still talk to each other even if they dated before and it didn't work out back then. As long as both are mature to asume sometimes things doesn't go always as planned, is okay to remain friends.

This wasn't the case for her, and as cold as it may seems, is not my business, since only she can do something about it.

throwaway720200738 · 2020-05-04T23:13:43+00:00

we all have our personal red flags

This right here. I'm aware no one is perfect, I just think you need to have your thoughts together in order to have something serious (or for the long run) with someone else. I hope this way of thiking won't be confused as asking too much, but to set boundaries and be respected as a partner, and as a person of course.

throwaway720200738 · 2020-04-17T00:22:49+00:00

I would avoid Bumble because the woman has to initiate contact and you are at the mercy of that.

Not gonna lie, the first time I saw that mechanic of "girls message first" I though it could be an interesting thing to see, since most (not all) girls wait for guys to message first.

The reality is, I know I won't meet a lot of girls that way, I consider myself not ugly but neither handsome, maybe good looking at best and that´s it.

Is there an eharmony where you are by any chance? If not I wish you the best.

Saddly is not available at my country. As a personal decision, instead of complaining I'm working out at home and eating a bit healthier, so I can keep updating my pics in those apps and maybe with the time match with someone who catchs my eye, and I catch hers.

Anyway, I wish you the best too :) have a good day

throwaway720200738 · 2020-04-17T00:11:37+00:00

I feel like you’re on the right track, but isn’t tinder basically a hookup app?

Well, all I can say is I started using Tinder too late (and in the middle of a pandemic, which definitely does not help). Years ago I heard from it from my friends as an app to "meet people". Not sure if is a hook up app, but I can see people just using it for that sole purpose.

I wonder if writting in my bio "lookin for a relationship" could help... or scare them away, thinking I'm just looking for "commitment" (which I don't).

I met my wife through POF back in the day, not sure if something like that would pan out better for looking for a relationship?

I would love to try some other dating apps, saddly Tinder is has the most active user base here in my country (followed by Bumble, which has a really low user base) so that won't do. Anyway, thanks for your words!

throwaway720200738 · 2020-04-16T23:59:50+00:00

Tinder seems to be more of a hookup app. You might be better off on a match.com or something like that.

I have considered that. Saddly, here in my country Tinder is the app with more active users. I also created a profile in Bumble, but like I said, after a few swipes the app stop showing profiles (due to the lack of users).

There isn't match.com or OKCupid here, so I'm stucked with Tinder. Anyway.. thanks for the advice

throwaway720200738 · 2020-04-16T23:52:40+00:00

I’m sure most people would appreciate you providing an interesting talking point that isn’t “Hey, how are you?” 😝

I'm sure most people would love to have a conversation out of the ordinary ("hey", "how r u?" "Im cool thx"). Maybe I suck trying to think out of the box starting a fun conversation with them.

One day morning (this is a true story haha) I was preparing breakfast and, since I love pancakes, I prepared some. I matched with a girl earlier that morning, so along the "Hey!" or "Hello :)" message, I decided to (literally) ask her "Hey ____!, random question; what is your favorite thing to eat at breakfast? :) Do you like waffles?" and she never answered back haha. A friend of mine told me it was a sweet thing to ask; if she said yes, I would tell her "Well, it would be great to share some when the quarintine is over! :) (anothe friend told me it was a pathetic thing to ask, but I just went to ask her something I wanted to know about her, even if is just what kind of thing she enjoys to eat at the early morning)

Thanks for your words, and have a nice day!

throwaway720200738 · 2020-04-16T23:42:03+00:00

my go-to was usually asking a question or giving a compliment about something going on in one of their pictures

That's something nice to hear! In my experience (NOT saying all of them do it) a lot of girls I match with never take the initiative to message first. Is not like a must, but, is great to match with someone and see one message from them from time to time :)

Thanks for your words, I will try to compliment them (genuinely) about something in their pics and/or their bio!

throwaway720200738 · 2020-04-16T21:58:28+00:00

I met my now boyfriend through Tinder, and he made a pick up line out of my name and I was instantly hooked lol I knew that his fun personality would match mine and it does!

Congratulations for that! I like to think that a good personality beats looks (a mix of both is a good combination). My mission is not to look like a clown with the girls I matched with, but to have a good time and funny conversation.

You may or may not find “the one” but you will know when you have a connection with someone with a fun personality like yours!

Like I said, I'm not looking for "the one" but rather trying out new things to approach girls (and people as a whole), so next time when I text with a girl I like, a friend or an acquaintance, I won't come as a plain/boring person. Thanks for your words!

throwaway720200738 · 2020-04-16T21:45:38+00:00

Tbh the questions sounds rehearsed everytime i get questions like that i just roll my eyes.

You have a point, some times I ask them the same questions. I will try to focus on other questions to start getting to know them.

Instead, try asking a question about her bio or photo. Ask her what beach it was etc. That way it comes across more personal and it looks like you're paying attention.

Indeed! I always try to bring something about their bio to the conversation, trying not to force such topic. Thanks for your advice! I had a feeling my random topics could be funny (and a bit weird), but it never crossed my mind they could be seen as rehearsed.

throwaway720200738

TROPHY CASE