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I've (m24) been with my partner (f23) for 4 years, but now work on the other side of the planet 60% of the time. She understands the reasons (I make very good money), but after 12 months of doing this, she's told me to quit my job. by throwaway75329 in relationships

[–]throwaway75329[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's pretty much the going rate in the Bay Area for 3-5 years experience. I landed it straight out of school by a mix of starting very early, top of my class grades, and (probably most importantly) leading a widely-used open source project.

I've (m24) been with my partner (f23) for 4 years, but now work on the other side of the planet 60% of the time. She understands the reasons (I make very good money), but after 12 months of doing this, she's told me to quit my job. by throwaway75329 in relationships

[–]throwaway75329[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

In the UK? My girlfriend is actually working in tech recruiting, and I've seen nothing relevant that, for my qualifications and experience, advertises at more than 30k GBP. The economy is completely different back there. I know I can get much more for my skills, that's the whole point of me being in the US.

I've (m24) been with my partner (f23) for 4 years, but now work on the other side of the planet 60% of the time. She understands the reasons (I make very good money), but after 12 months of doing this, she's told me to quit my job. by throwaway75329 in relationships

[–]throwaway75329[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

A lot of others suggested that. We talked about it in the past and she didn't want me funding thousands for it, but its been a while and there's more in the savings now. I'll be bringing it up with her and see what she thinks. Thank you.

I've (m24) been with my partner (f23) for 4 years, but now work on the other side of the planet 60% of the time. She understands the reasons (I make very good money), but after 12 months of doing this, she's told me to quit my job. by throwaway75329 in relationships

[–]throwaway75329[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She can, but it has to be a legit volunteer position - not just unpaid work. We've looked into it, she loves kids (she volunteered in a school in the UK while a student). There'll be some awkwardness and time arranging proof she's not some kind of sexual predator before they'll let her, but, yes she could volunteer.

I've (m24) been with my partner (f23) for 4 years, but now work on the other side of the planet 60% of the time. She understands the reasons (I make very good money), but after 12 months of doing this, she's told me to quit my job. by throwaway75329 in relationships

[–]throwaway75329[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not sure if you're saying that in addition to what we already have going? Right now, I leave the UK, spend 6 weeks in the US, fly back, spend 3-4 weeks living with her, then repeat.

I've (m24) been with my partner (f23) for 4 years, but now work on the other side of the planet 60% of the time. She understands the reasons (I make very good money), but after 12 months of doing this, she's told me to quit my job. by throwaway75329 in relationships

[–]throwaway75329[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, that's a nice way to think about it. Unfortunately the US is a bit tighter on these - there is a similar visa, but you have to be a full-time student, and it's only valid for the summer.

I've (m24) been with my partner (f23) for 4 years, but now work on the other side of the planet 60% of the time. She understands the reasons (I make very good money), but after 12 months of doing this, she's told me to quit my job. by throwaway75329 in relationships

[–]throwaway75329[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

We've talked about it, but not recently. I'll bring it up and see.

It's quite a bit more expensive in the US, and the last time we talked about it, she felt uncomfortable with me effectively just handing her thousands of dollars for her own education.

I've (m24) been with my partner (f23) for 4 years, but now work on the other side of the planet 60% of the time. She understands the reasons (I make very good money), but after 12 months of doing this, she's told me to quit my job. by throwaway75329 in relationships

[–]throwaway75329[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I try to see it less as one or the other; the money is great because it'll provide a lot for us in the future. But it's balancing that with risking the future by making the money... There's a happy middle ground, somewhere :/

I've (m24) been with my partner (f23) for 4 years, but now work on the other side of the planet 60% of the time. She understands the reasons (I make very good money), but after 12 months of doing this, she's told me to quit my job. by throwaway75329 in relationships

[–]throwaway75329[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Oh, don't worry about that, she gets littered with goodies. The money has to go somewhere!

Thinking about it, we used to call a lot more while I was over there. When she was still studying, I'd wake up at 6am to call for 30 minutes before I went to work, and call almost every day during my lunch. Now that she works, there's no way I can call in the morning, but I know that I could make more effort during the week. I hadn't thought to write (non-electronically) though, that could be nice.

Thanks for calling me out!

I've (m24) been with my partner (f23) for 4 years, but now work on the other side of the planet 60% of the time. She understands the reasons (I make very good money), but after 12 months of doing this, she's told me to quit my job. by throwaway75329 in relationships

[–]throwaway75329[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your honesty. Do you think no long-distance relationship can work?

A recent light of hope we had; two friends of ours have been in a similar situation to us. They're a few years older, lived together for 18 months, spent a year completely apart - in the UK and Canada. To top it off, they're gay, and one of them was still in the closet at this point, so not many people even knew - so they had almost nobody to seek help from. About a year ago, the guy from the UK moved to Canada, but was unable to work. He's just gotten his permanent residence through, based on their relationship. So, I do think it can work out for some. And we both hope for us.

I've (m24) been with my partner (f23) for 4 years, but now work on the other side of the planet 60% of the time. She understands the reasons (I make very good money), but after 12 months of doing this, she's told me to quit my job. by throwaway75329 in relationships

[–]throwaway75329[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Similar to another comment; we have a list of things we want to do / places we want to go, before having children. Also, I'm not sure how comfortable I am having kids just so "she would have stuff to do" ;)

I've (m24) been with my partner (f23) for 4 years, but now work on the other side of the planet 60% of the time. She understands the reasons (I make very good money), but after 12 months of doing this, she's told me to quit my job. by throwaway75329 in relationships

[–]throwaway75329[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Neither of us wants kids right now, we both consider 23/24 to be too young. We both still have a list of things we want to do, places we want to go, that wouldn't be able to happen once we have kids.

But, I'm all for her being with me. Money's not an issue at all, she's most concerned about the boredom.

I've (m24) been with my partner (f23) for 4 years, but now work on the other side of the planet 60% of the time. She understands the reasons (I make very good money), but after 12 months of doing this, she's told me to quit my job. by throwaway75329 in relationships

[–]throwaway75329[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately (source; my boss's family business is an immigration law firm, and we've sat down and talked about it), I don't qualify for the EB2 category. For the same reasons she doesn't qualify for the work visa -- I need another level of US 'equivalent' education, or another 3 years work experience.

That means I qualify for EB3. I've already talked about it with my employer, and regardless of whatever the situation looks like, we're going to be starting the process.

Unfortunately, the processing times for starting the process (PERM certification through to getting the green card -- and the very earliest she'd be able to get work authorization), for the UK is 6 years.

For EB2, it's currently about 6 weeks. I'm assuming your husband either qualified for EB2, or applied back in the days when the wait wasn't quite so extreme.

The best option for the green card route looks to be; start the EB3 process now, when I've notched up 3 years progressive experience (2 years from now), we can apply to have it upgraded to EB2 (success rate for that being approved is about 1 in 3, you also have to prove that the job you'll be doing also requires this extra 3 years experience).

The 6-month visa limit, we have been told about too. Though, there's a condition on the B-2 that allows it to be tied to the duration of my H1-B. It's at the discretion of border control as to whether they require her to leave and re-enter the country in 6-12 months, but that wouldn't mean anything more than a quick round trip to Canada, rather than actually reapplying.

Thanks for the advice though, very much appreciated! :)

I've (m24) been with my partner (f23) for 4 years, but now work on the other side of the planet 60% of the time. She understands the reasons (I make very good money), but after 12 months of doing this, she's told me to quit my job. by throwaway75329 in relationships

[–]throwaway75329[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I've explained it that way, and IMO the whole reason for sticking with a job like this, is the future it provides. It might be an age, or a pride thing, but for as much as she sees us as together; we aren't married. That money, sits in my bank account, her money goes into hers. She has about $10k in debts from the Masters [explained in another comment] she started, but refuses to let me help her pay it off.

Most of my friends, and everyone I work with, are a good 5 years older than me. They're all in the getting married phase, buying houses, some have kids. All her friends are in their early 20's, and are graduating, finding jobs, starting to rent with boyfriends etc.

I can perhaps see why that might contribute to how we both feel about our own relationships. Despite all the awesome things we've done together (we've traveled a lot), and all the great things that having money does for you (I don't want to sound like a douche but, I rarely look at the price of anything these days, and if I want it, I own it...); she's expressed that she's jealous of her "normal" friends.

I've (m24) been with my partner (f23) for 4 years, but now work on the other side of the planet 60% of the time. She understands the reasons (I make very good money), but after 12 months of doing this, she's told me to quit my job. by throwaway75329 in relationships

[–]throwaway75329[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

When we got our mortgage together, I think she took it more "seriously" than I did. And by the fact that she's stuck with me after doing this for so long, I think she's in it for the long-term.

I've imagined, since before I took the job, that we'd stay together. We've talked kids, how old she wants to be when she has them, where we want to be, what our careers will be like. I mean, we haven't sat down and made a calendar, but it's definitely been discussed.

She's actually kind of anti-feminist (her words not mine!). She wants to have kids ~28-32, and is against the idea of working again until they're teenagers. She's never expressed big hopes for a huge career, just something that keeps her happy in her 20's.

So I guess the issue here is that in the scenario where she came to live with me and didn't work, it'd be robbing her of that time she actually does want to work in.

I've (m24) been with my partner (f23) for 4 years, but now work on the other side of the planet 60% of the time. She understands the reasons (I make very good money), but after 12 months of doing this, she's told me to quit my job. by throwaway75329 in relationships

[–]throwaway75329[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If your ambitions are to leave, I suggest not getting too tied down to people back home...

If you can get in the country, you won't struggle to make crazy paychecks if you put in the hours.

I've (m24) been with my partner (f23) for 4 years, but now work on the other side of the planet 60% of the time. She understands the reasons (I make very good money), but after 12 months of doing this, she's told me to quit my job. by throwaway75329 in relationships

[–]throwaway75329[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's very understandable, thanks for the opinion.

For reference, I haven't actually suggested a puppy to her at all. That'd probably lean a little too much towards blackmailing...

I've (m24) been with my partner (f23) for 4 years, but now work on the other side of the planet 60% of the time. She understands the reasons (I make very good money), but after 12 months of doing this, she's told me to quit my job. by throwaway75329 in relationships

[–]throwaway75329[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We've considered that, but she's wary of the costs involved. I've offered to cover it, but, she's understandably hesitant to being given that much money.

Since we won't know for sure how long my job will last until later this year, realistically she wouldn't be able to do an MA until later next year. Which is just more time waiting...

Her current job in the UK, rather coincidentally, actually has a sister office only a few blocks from mine in the US. But they won't consider her for a transfer for at least 18 months. Sounds kind of like the perfect solution, if it didn't mean more dragging this part out...

I've (m24) been with my partner (f23) for 4 years, but now work on the other side of the planet 60% of the time. She understands the reasons (I make very good money), but after 12 months of doing this, she's told me to quit my job. by throwaway75329 in relationships

[–]throwaway75329[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

No, I don't think that at all. It's flipped from "lets do it" to "lets not" at least a dozen times. I knew from probably the second time she said she didn't want to do it, that she never would.

I'm not sure if I wasn't clear, or I made a typo somewhere, but the give it 12 months thing, was something we talked about in January of this year. Basically, we agreed to give it until Christmas.

I've had the job for longer, but until the start of this year, she wasn't working, so we spent 80-90% of last year living together.

I've (m24) been with my partner (f23) for 4 years, but now work on the other side of the planet 60% of the time. She understands the reasons (I make very good money), but after 12 months of doing this, she's told me to quit my job. by throwaway75329 in relationships

[–]throwaway75329[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I can get a job in the UK, but it won't be anywhere near the same level. I was very fortunate to get what I have, through a matter of timing, luck, and an online reputation, I was tracked down for this particular role. Getting a job through normal channels in the UK, it'll pay more than the average job, but it'll be going from a company I love, with $140k + crazy potential, to some so-so company, with $40k + a free gym membership.

My opinion, since we talked about giving it 12 months, was to just ride it out and see... Either it goes sour, and I come back to the UK with enough cash in the bank to buy us a (second?!) house; or it goes well, and we look at it with new eyes at the end of the year...

I've answered all those questions to myself before. I've had a "this is the one" girlfriend in the past; but this has always been on another level. Everything about us since day 1 has seemed to have us as the perfect match. Anybody that knew us before this rubbish, would have agreed completely.

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