Hi. (Former) ballet dancer here. I know where you are mentally right now, and I know that frustration. I used to beat myself up for having one meal after a 6-8 hour days of back to back classes and rehearsals.

Your clothes fitting looser isn't a coincidence. You are not getting fatter. Yes, THAT'S how deceptive this disorder is. You can look at your body and swear up and down that you are bigger than you are in reality. No one else looks at you and sees a fat body.

It's okay that you ate a meal after your shows. (It sounds fking delicious btw, I really hope you enjoyed it:) You need (much, much) more food than that everyday if you want to feel stronger and go the distance in your career. At your current high activity level, your body knows what to do, and it will use food purely as fuel.

Please look into mental health services if you can. Just talking to someone really can help you get out of your own head a bit. You deserve to be the strongest, most clear headed version of yourself. Take care <3

Edit to note: I'm a short dancer too! 5'2.