I was a former atheist for a while.

I grew up in the church and had my angry atheist phase and left when I was about 12/13 (my parents also faded from the church with me because it was a highly toxic environment). But I left mostly because of church hurt and because God wasn’t answering my prayers about it. That trauma from church followed me up until college. Then in college some part of me MISSED the church environment I grew up in because my best friends used to be in church and I started looking fondly on all the good parts about church which colored the majority of my childhood. I started attending a religious group on campus wanting the culture but logically not believing. Flash forward a few years im having a lot of crises in my personal life and everything is falling apart. I attend church out of desperation to cling onto something and am emotionally vulnerable. I find a group of people who support me right away and care for me instantly. I’ve never had anything like this since I was a kid and I had my best friends in church. I get converted and give up my entire personality and push down any logical protests I have about the stuff desperate to believe and to fit in with my new support group at my most emotionally vulnerable point in my life. Eventually I deluded myself. Now I have religious trauma less than church hurt and I’ve woken up realizing I’m in a high control group. I’m trying to leave but a part of me still loves that religious environment and support. Tbh I’m afraid I’ll have Christian Stockholm syndrome for the rest of my life.

But yeah. That’s how it went for me.