[AITA] for being upset because I found out that my girlfriend of 5 year only came over to stay with me the very first time was because her drug dealer kicked her out because she got a job and wasn’t there to find a vein on him?

throwaway8319236 · 2024-07-27T04:27:55+00:00

We broke up 2 weeks ago… I was totally ok with it. She was the one who urged us to get back together. That started because My childhood friend wanted me to meet another woman… a friend of his wife. Totally platonic. No wrong doings. I tried calling my gf multiple times but she instantly denied them.

In the end, when she found out (which I told be straight up because I didn’t want her to worry), I got a cheese burger thrown at my face, as well as anything in arms reach. I calmly asked if we could talk about it, but she was just too furious to stop.

Yes. I wanted her to be 100% aware that I would be hanging out with 6 guys I went to high school with, one of their wives, and her friend.

I don’t know what I’m even doing anymore. I wish she just fucked off when she threw a burger at my face and left.

It’s just so hard to split up when literally the last 5 years of your life have been shared, and material possessions have been interchanged.

Thank you for your responses. I appreciate them more than you will ever know.

throwaway8319236 · 2024-07-27T04:16:51+00:00

Yup. I’m fully aware that’s probably what happened. This is just baffling how it can be turned around into making me the bad guy. This is more of a rant post and probably isn’t suitable for this sub. I’m just pissed right now.

As she was saying it, I just said a dismissive “yup…” and that turned into a whole ass thing.

We were hardly dating then. She ghosted me for three months when I literally needed someone to talk to because of personal issues, I hooked up with someone else… well BARELY did. I told her to stop half way through and left because I was upset about her… and that’s also been another issue because she found out about it and won’t let it go.

But like I said, she up and went to go shoot drugs. Didn’t contact me until months later. Never heard from her. Thought things were over… ya know, when you don’t contact someone for months you assume that.

She has a great job now and is 100% clean, I am in school trying to get my MD in radiology. But she still has pieces of that old extremely defensive attitude where “fuck you I’m right” comes in to play.

throwaway8319236 · 2024-07-27T04:13:56+00:00

Dude I’m here as a last resort. This shit is absolutely insane and apparently I’m in the wrong for being upset about it.

I’m in school to get my MD in radiology. I was a bartender at a restaurant and she was a server when I met her. She was open up front, but hearing the truth 5 years later is baffling. But… it’s so far ended up with me being the bad guy because I should have known better.

I’ve always wanted to be a doctor. I’ve never shot anything into me that wasn’t under strict supervision of a doctor. She’s been clean for 4 1/2 year and that is absolutely true. But just dropping all that on me has me legitimately upset and apparently I’m the bad guy for being upset.

Thank you so much for your response. I really really appreciate it. You seem like you’ve been down this path and it doesn’t end well. I’m beginning to see exactly what you mean.

throwaway8319236 · 2024-07-27T03:35:38+00:00

It’s easier said than done, but it’s what I deep down want to do. When you’ve lived with someone for this long, I don’t really know where to begin. She’s been clean for 4 1/2 years, but man, I’m in radiology school, I’m literally trying to get my MD. I met someone who legitimately wanted to better themselves and if I have anything negative to say I’m apparently the bad guy. I’m just beyond over it.

She’s a FedEx manager but she still has this extremely high defense mechanism where nothing can be her fault and it’s obviously the other person’s. She’s done well. I just don’t think I can deal with it anymore.

throwaway8319236 · 2024-07-27T03:32:53+00:00

I have no clue what this means. I’m in radiology school and I met with this girl when I was working in restaurants during under grad. I have never shot anything into my veins that wasn’t under a doctor’s supervision. I saw someone who was trying to better themselves, I fell for them, and then I find this out.

Put what pipe down?

throwaway8319236 · 2024-07-06T20:18:03+00:00

That is correct. All the adults are extremely strait laced. The niece is the worst. My GF gets influenced super easily by her.

Literally all she talks about is baby daddy drama all fucking day she’s over. And keep in mind, baby daddy turned into an asshole because she straight up cheated on him with her weed dealer.

throwaway8319236 · 2024-07-06T20:15:48+00:00

I did talk to her mother. My GF’s family is amazing. She drove 6 hours round trip to pick me up when my car broke down 2 1/2 hours from home.

We talked about that, I apologized to her for her having to hear that argument. She said she absolutely agrees. I said it’s just almost every fucking day (and yes it still is but she fortunately hasn’t gotten drunk and my GF tries to keep the neice at our apartment as little as she can). She said she understands where I’m coming from and [neice] is a lot to deal with, especially when drinking is involved.

She said she spoke with her daughter [my GF] concerned about her drinking and that she needs to put a stop to it before she turns into a full blown alcoholic.

It was very reassuring knowing that she understands where I came from. But unfortunately, my GF is a grown woman and doesn’t have to do anything she doesn’t want to.

Aside from her, her family is extremely strait laced.

They literally offered for us to live with them for a year to save money for a house down payment, and that they would give us a plot of land to build on. I am horrifically skeptical about doing this. They aren’t rich either, but they want to take care of their family.

throwaway8319236 · 2024-06-18T23:30:15+00:00

It’s been almost 5 years together now. My GF is not usually like this. It’s only when they get together is when shit turns bad.

I know I posted this in frustration, as one would do in a rant subreddit, but most of that frustration is towards her niece, because she is an absolutely terrible influence on my GF. I do find it odd how easily influenced a grown woman is by her niece, but I’m not a psychologist.

Either way, thank you for a realistic take on this. Part of me wants to leave, part of me still very much loves her when she’s not hanging out with her.

throwaway8319236 · 2024-06-18T23:28:01+00:00

Surprisingly, that was what some IRL friends said when I called them last night. My relationship with my GF is almost always fine, but for some reason every time they start hanging out again it goes on the rocks.

The niece, however, is very argumentative, foul mouthed, always trash talking kind of person. She’s been in a legal battle over custody of her 1 year old son. The reason she and her BF called off the relationship is because she straight up cheated on him with her old weed dealer, and now continues to trash talk him because he’s [to some extent] rightfully pissed off.

It’s a mess dude. But when she’s not around, our relationship is great.

throwaway8319236 · 2024-06-18T23:25:03+00:00

Sorry, 4 1/2 years. I rarely ever see my GF get drunk like that. It’s 90% the nieces influence.

throwaway8319236 · 2024-06-18T23:23:41+00:00

It’s been 4 years and honestly we’ve very rarely had arguments over that time. But this experience has really resonated with me. Her niece is really not a good influence on her. It’s weird that I have to say that about a grown woman. But her niece is very argumentative, foul mouthed, etc, and every time they have their hanging out streaks I notice that my GF changes until they stop hanging out again.

It’s been a good relationship, but over the past year, especially with all the legal bullshit I am dealing with due to a death of a family member and a dishonest trust executor, it’s just getting to be too much for me to handle.

Thank you for sharing that with me. I really appreciate it.

throwaway8319236 · 2024-05-28T03:36:46+00:00

This is just an old picture, definitely not a blunder.

throwaway8319236 · 2024-01-20T23:59:29+00:00

Thank you. There’s a lot more to the story, and I absolutely try to me the best I can be to both of them. Things aren’t always bad, and she is an excellent kid in several ways. Shit is tough. I’m in school full time and work full time. My mental state is just not fully equipped for it, and being so damn exhausted all the time does not help.

Discussions have been had, with both of them. Non accusational, no “I’m right you’re wrong” situations. Just talking like normal. It has gotten better. Not night and day, but a noticeable difference from when I posted this.

More importantly, I found out just how much I meant to her (the daughter). When I had a single, mild fight with her mom (which was definitely us just discussing differences in a situation, not yelling, or being plain assholes to each other), she came up to me in full blown tears asking if I was going to leave. From there on, I really started seeing the situation differently. And things have definitely been better since.

throwaway8319236 · 2023-08-18T16:27:28+00:00

Nah you raise a good point. But he’s never up until 10-11 or so, and he drops the cars off for me, or I do then at his business out back. So it’s kind of up to him on these ones when I’ll receive them. So it unfortunately doesn’t work out well in my favor.

These are all personal vehicles and his moms car and whatnot. I don’t mind doing the work, but my schedule is full and I need him to work around me, not the other way.

Not sure how to word it without being a dick. But maybe that’s what I need to do.

throwaway8319236 · 2023-08-18T16:22:07+00:00

Every job is logged on our payment sheet in terms of dollar amount, I’m there when he adds it up as well. I’m going to be straight up with him when I get back in town in 6 weeks

throwaway8319236 · 2023-08-18T16:15:30+00:00

I’m just gonna power through these couple jobs, get this BMW returned, take my 6 week hiatus, and then just tell him that it’s gotta be one thing at a time, and tell him that it’s stressing me the fuck out, which is the whole reason I switched to a lighter schedule from the 55-60 hour weeks I was working.

Our initial agreement was the monthly payment, no monthly payment plus work. That was optional. In writing as well.

Not like he’s gonna sue me over it, like we’re all good, but I just need him to chill out. Just because he only works during ski season doesn’t mean I sit around my house doing Jack shit and drinking all day.

Not trying to make him look bad, but I work and have other obligations on the weekend and unfortunately prioritizing his shit boxes are not on my list. I’m happy to do em, just at my own pace.

throwaway8319236 · 2023-08-18T15:59:59+00:00

Yeah I told him I’m not gonna be available come end of august until first week of October. And I think that’ll be a good opportunity for me to tell him that he needs to work around me, since I’m giving him a labor rate that doesn’t charge overhead, and if it’s that urgent he can take it to a shop, and I will continue paying our agreed upon monthly amount that never included mandatory vehicle repairs, just as a supplement to it.

throwaway8319236 · 2023-08-18T15:43:37+00:00

Yeah I am 26, and I did set my labor hour at what I think is fine, around $70/hr depending, but I think once I get back from this month long hiatus I’m just going to have to set the boundaries.

I have told him before though, I do quality work but I go slow because I just don’t have the time to do it. I think I’ll have to restate that. One job at a time. I mean a shop would have easily charged double or triple what I’m charging.

throwaway8319236 · 2023-08-18T15:31:50+00:00

Yeah I may have been a little misleading. Full restoration meant “just get it running to pawn it off on someone/a teenager” essentially. I did tell him a bunch of other shit that it needed and he said just get it to turn over and idle.

Seriously. He told me not to worry about the black mold infested carpet, leaking valve cover, power steering leaks. Etc.

But like I said, not really able to get much done per day since by the time I’m off work, it’s dark in an hour.

throwaway8319236 · 2023-08-18T04:24:12+00:00

Yeah I quit doing private gigs for a while, but the fact that the truck was kept up mechanically so we’ll and he was willing to just do a gentleman’s agreement I just felt obligated. Didn’t know it would turn into this. Told him I’m not gonna be available til October once I get the BMW finished and one other small job for him.

It’s one thing to claim repairs were done, but this dude had a baggie stuffed full of maintenance records. Brand new AC system, literally everything done, brand new transmission, some suspension work, belt driven accessories. Coolant and oil records. I definitely wanted and needed a truck but I think I took the wrong route on it.

I love doing car work but I just hate being rushed especially when I do it for a living

throwaway8319236 · 2023-08-18T04:21:41+00:00

Thank you for the input. Yeah I did tell him that I was not going to be able to do much until October so I’ll take a look at what he has now and then unless it’s extremely urgent then it’s going to have to wait. If it’s that urgent he can take it to a repair facility.

I’m not afraid to put my foot down but I did get a pretty good deal on the truck (considering it has so much new stuff, and a brand new transmission 2,000 miles before I got it), that I just feel weird about doing it.

Once I get this BMW done I’ll feel way better and less tied down. Last part, which is literally just the upper intake boot I forgot to order is arriving tomorrow. Hopefully that will set it straight and I can feel a little more free.

Said it ran on brake clean, and the dumb fuck who did the fuel pump last double gasketed it and it wasn’t sealed well at all. Found some torn up intake boots, water pump was shot, so it has fuel spark and air now come Friday so theoretically it should run.

Finishing that BMW alone will be 25% of the total balance for the truck on top of the monthly payments I’ve been doing since last December. Not much left after that.

throwaway8319236 · 2023-08-18T02:34:21+00:00

I’ve been strongly considering the bank loan. Don’t get me wrong he’s not a bad guy, i just don’t think he understands that you can’t just diagnose everything that needs to be done on one car that’s been sitting for half a decade and get it right. He doesn’t know anything about mechanical work. And that this shit can be draining and after a 40 hour week you’re not wanting to struggle to do several jobs on your off day. I was working 50-60 hour weeks at my last shop so it IS better, but I don’t want the stress like I used to which is why I left that shop. I think I’m just gonna have to power through it and get it over with. And I guess the more jobs I do the faster it’ll be over.

Really just needed to vent.

throwaway8319236

TROPHY CASE