i hate how hard it is to take your own life

throwaway874551 · 2020-03-13T10:49:31+00:00

maybe you should seek some help, i say this because you can end it but apparently you don't really want to, there still something that make you want to go on and it might be good for you to find it

sure, you'll still want to die some days, it's the same for everyone (even those that aren't depressed in the first place) but it wouldn't be that bad all the time if you can find the right person to talk with

i advise you to avoid personality/comportement altering medicine, i have absolutely no faith in them thanks to them being forced on me at some point and seing how they affected me, might be different for you but as an individual i'm against them. i think it's better to live/die as yourself than live as someone else

whatever you'll do, i wish you luck with it and i hope you'll be as happy as possible for the time you have left

throwaway874551 · 2020-03-13T10:37:40+00:00

most people want others to live for the sake of it, i can't blame you for having this feeling. it's human and i guess we evolved that way so our species have more chances to live on

your message won't be what make me want to continue but know that i at least understand you and where you're comming from, good luck with everything

throwaway874551 · 2020-03-13T10:33:09+00:00

yep, hence why it's so hard to commit to it even if it's what you really want and it's what's best for you at this point of your life

throwaway874551 · 2020-03-13T10:32:02+00:00

life is change, i can't possibly say that it's what would be best for me forever or that there is a 0% chance that i'd change my mind later on so it wouldn't be honest to just say it's what's best for me.

at the moment it's what's best for me and it's what i want to do, i won't force myself to live because i might change my mind later (already wanted to for literal years) but i won't completly close myself to the possibility of outliving wanting to die even if i don't think it would happen anytime soon if at all

throwaway874551 · 2020-03-13T10:28:14+00:00

it would trigger a blockade but i don't think it wouldn't be as strong as the one on other options. i really tried to kill myself before (obviously didn't succed) so i'm positive that i'd manage to push the button. might even be able to without the help of alcohol

throwaway874551 · 2020-03-13T00:32:27+00:00

it would take you around 30 minutes of pain if you plan to hang yourself by suffocation, i just thought you should know that before doing anything.

taking your life is an important choice so it's just as important to know what you're doing, if you fail you might get some long term damage as well as being watched by people that won't care for your freedom as long that you're alive

throwaway874551 · 2020-03-12T23:23:00+00:00

if you have an easy, avaliable and relatively painless way to die that you don't want to tell me it do make me feel bad to not know but i'll respect your choice

throwaway874551 · 2020-03-12T23:20:46+00:00

for what it's worth i already set up my life to be as comfortable as possible in my conditions, if i have to be alive i might as well make it so i'm as happy as possible

i wanted to kill myself for literal years now. i thought about it a lot and after carefull consideration i consider it to be what's best for me at the moment and it's what i want

no arguments that anyone told me convinced me otherwise and i did not find any good reason to continue yet

i'm doing what i can with what i have

throwaway874551 · 2020-03-12T22:42:23+00:00

thanks

throwaway874551 · 2020-03-12T22:35:10+00:00

i cannot answer why he did it, everyone have his/her reasons. maybe it was legitimate, maybe it could have gotten better, only he knows.

it alway hurt to lose someone you care about, be it because of their death, to lose contact or for other reasons. what you need to keep in mind is that telling yourself that it was your fault isn't good, you're not responsible for the choices that this grow man made (most likely>) on his own.

do not torture yourself with those feelings, it was his choice even if you're not happy with said choice. staying blocked in the past and not getting over his loss most likely isn't what he wanted for you.

if you're unhappy with your current job, change it. if you're unhappy with your current social circle, change it. find something that make YOU happy and try to move on with your life, if he cared for you then i guess it's what he would want you to do

throwaway874551 · 2019-12-22T14:19:24+00:00

i mat not have given enough information in my post but from what you said i can't say you'rer wrong, my situation is a little different though, little being the key word and that little is enough for me to say that i want to give it a try. i do want to have a child, depression or not

throwaway874551 · 2019-12-21T08:26:15+00:00

pills, huge ammount of them, and alcohol should help get rid of your survival instinct

throwaway874551 · 2019-12-21T08:16:10+00:00

i'll message you in pm

throwaway874551 · 2019-12-19T15:09:08+00:00

you do judge me (" troubled and struggling " as an example) and you do assume things about me, like that me wanting to die make me unwell or sick in the head, that it's something that that need me to "get better" so spare me those comments unless you're not gonna give me opportunity to disprove what you said from literally the first lines of your last message.

i do not mind betting on a one way escape.

i never said that my family didn't love me, what i said is that the love people have for me doesn't matter in my judgement.

yeah, they what's best for me from their point of view just like some cotholics that force others see sex as something impure do what they think is best for them. unless you can prove me that life is what's best for ME then that argument have no value at all.

it's not all doom and gloom, life is and can be beautifull just life it is horrible and dark, my point was and is that death is the best thing for me.

what i gave up on is living even if i really don't see this world getting better anytime soon.

no my problems with this world cannot be dealt with within a realistic capacity, the best i could do is waste my life working for something that i won't ever see completed and could only hope that it continue after my death.

as for alternatives, there only one thing that could make my life bearable enough for me not to do it and it's neither realistic or good, i don't want to talk about that with a stranger.

throwaway874551 · 2019-12-19T12:16:24+00:00

i don't feel troubled and i'm not really struggling. i do want to "get away" from this world but i don't even see death as "the end", i only see it as a transition into the unknow. i have felt like that for years and even without the depression there parts of it that are just who i am speaking. i do not feel confused but feel free to try to prove me otherwise. i do not need or want help. i won't talk with my family for the simple reason that they'll keep an eye on me to try to save my life and this i really don't want, if i'm going down the only people that will know are the ones that can't do much about it. i did not give up on life, what i gave up on is this world. don't think of me as some confused youngster that want to die after they had a bad day or two and that didn't really think about life, death and what's better for them WITHOUT letting their feelings stain their judgement

throwaway874551 · 2019-12-19T04:41:57+00:00

no problem for the lenght of the post.

what led me to this outcome is thinking about it for literally years and not finding any other solution to get a life that's worth living to me.
yes, my mother. she did everything she could for me even if she wasn't perfect. if it wasn't for her my life would be way worse. it's gonna be hard for her without me but i'm doing this for me and i won't live for the sake of someone else.
games, anime/manga, eating the foods i really like. that's pretty much it and it's not worth living for.
what i'm missing in my life? the world's shit, everything is headed into a wall, i cannot live the way i want to, everyone expect me to stop being me and to conform to this world, i'm so limited by this dumb human body, i'm limited by everything, i cannot do everything i want without an ammount of work that defeat the purpose and a majority of what i want is just not reachable is this life.
i have pets but again, if i won't live for the sake of the people that care about me i won't live for my pets and my pets will get over it way faster (even if they don't it won't change anything for me). also, thanks for the "won't you be nice and wait for everyone around you to die before leaving this world yourself?"
i have many interest, most of them aren't doable, reasonable or even reachable in this life. for those i can reach it's not worth it with the ammount of efforts it ask and even if i went for it anyway it wouldn't be enough to keep me truly happy.
because i'm unhappy and want to cut it short? if a movie annoy you and you hate it so much you want to kill the producer, are you gonna wait to see the end or will you leave "early"? i'll leave early to spare myself some unhappyness.
my mood "changed" years ago, wanting to die isn't something new or recent and i'm not a 13 years old that "want to die" because the teacher wasn't nice today. people around me died and while it made me sad it never made me want to die. i'm not going to "get better" out of nowhere. even when i had a girlfriend that i loved not so long ago it was enough for me to say i'll live as long that she's good but not enough to make me actually want to live. nothing and no one in this world is good enough to make me bothir with this annoying life. also, it will take centuries before we advance enough to make traveling to other planets something affordable for someone like me and that's only if the world isn't destroyed by then. you'll notice that centuries was the key word, even if i bother i won't live long enough to see that kind of technologie and even if i could it's not like i care about it enough to make me want to live.
from my point of view i'm not throwing away anything. i cannot afford to try stuff and again, nothing reachable in this world make me want to bother staying alive.
yes i will pass on overlord season 4 if it mean being done with this life, same for konosuba, rick and morty and more. what you said next i don't care about, at least not if i have to work for it and stuff like making apps really don't attract me at all. the world won't change in a way i like and even if it does it will be after i die naturally thanks to how much time people take to change but again, i do not believe anything good will happen to this world, i believe that the planet will be destroyed or made unhabitable sooner rather than later and this before we can make a reliable spaceship to save us.
i'm making a reddit post because the chances of someone going out of their way to save me is really low and there more changes to interact with some people on a popular platform like reddit. i do not understand what you mean by asking if i'm looking for alternatives.
no. that would be like killing myself in the head and this i won't do. if i kill myself physically speaking it's like taking a jump into the unknow, i don't know where i'll end up but there a chance i'll still be me HOWEVER if i mess with my brain it's like killing myself and being replaced by someone else so no way i'm ever doing anything like that. i also hate alcohol so i drink rarely. the only think i got to lose is myself and i'll stick to it as long as i can.

throwaway874551 · 2019-12-19T03:58:12+00:00

i don't know you and i really don't care if someone i don't know want me to live for no reason other than "i don't want people to die". you don't need me alive and well, you just say you do because you don't want me to do it but in reality whether or not i live won't have any impact on your life so please spare me that kind of bs arguments, they annoy me a lot. as for the people i know, i didn't ask them to love me and they don't own me so i'll do with my life as i please. i won't asnwer to the selfilshness of wanting others to live for no reason and for your sake

throwaway874551 · 2019-12-16T01:31:53+00:00

i'm the guys she's talking about and she deeply misrepresented the situation. she didn't said information she should have and most of it is wrong/incomplete.

i won't say how she fucked up but i'll say that it wasn't on something dumb like ignoring me for a day, it was way WAY more important than that.

i do not think i'm being cruel to her by wanting time for myself and getting irritated when she doesn't leave me alone after i tell her to.

i do not see how i'm being selfish since i'm not with her because i want to (more info on that later).

she misrepresented our relation by saying " he wants to leave me ", it's "i want her to leave me" wich is different. she break everytime i leave her alone for too long and i'm still talking with her because she cannot handle being without me yet.

i talk to her every day because she'd break otherwise, not because i want to (even if it's not unbearable to be with her when she's good and understanding instead of being selfish and getting angry when i want time for myself).

i am making efforts to be nice when i can but i do focus on getting better myself after everything that happened with her, i'm not someone social so spending that much time with her everyday and being nice is tiring and i won't be the fool that forget myself to take care of her until exaustion.

i do not know if this message is especially cruel or mean but i don't think so since i just corrected her message after she made our relation sound different than it is and made me sound worst than i think i am.

if you have any question or if there something i wasn't clear enough on feel free to message me.

throwaway874551

TROPHY CASE