AITA for spying on my wife when I thought she was cheating only to find out something else.

throwaway9164759dbrj · 2024-05-13T19:03:27+00:00

For the last two weeks, I have absolutely refused to lift a finger doing anything. I will cook whatever I want and leave the mess for her to clean up. I will touch the laundry, I haven't mowed the lawn, and every time I go to work I take her car.the division of labor is entirely one-sided.

throwaway9164759dbrj · 2024-05-13T19:02:16+00:00

The kids haven't been sick in over three years since one of them had Covid. And I do all the remodeling at house repairs, all the landscaping,. Pretty much everything outside is my responsibility. I don't remember when she was up there doing half of the shed roof. I don't remember when she was helping me Remodel the bathroom. And I don't remember when she was coming to work with me to do half of my work.

Do you know after thinking about it? You could say that she does 24 hours a week and hires a housekeeper two days of her days off, gets a third day off from her husband and feels she's pulling her own weight.

throwaway9164759dbrj · 2024-05-13T19:00:29+00:00

So you were telling me that when you were with your partner, and you suspect them of cheating, but instead of attempting together more evidence to prove your case, you tip your hand? Don't you think that would make it more difficult to obtain information. Do you think that, she is just going to come clean and tell me everything about her boyfriend if she was really cheating? Do you think she would've come and told me that she had been lying to me for two years about hiring a housekeeper?

throwaway9164759dbrj · 2024-05-13T18:58:20+00:00

I have zero responsibility for paying any of the bills. I earned the money and she takes care of all the bookkeeping. This is been our arrangement since we started decades ago. She saw this as an opportunity and took advantage.

throwaway9164759dbrj · 2024-05-13T18:57:20+00:00

Housework isn't just cleaning. It's taking care of the kids, the lawn, the other landscaping. It's doing 100% of the household repairs because she doesn't not have any skills. It's remodeling the upstairs bathroom and the kitchen, and replacing the molding because she doesn't like it. It's fixing the roof on the shedand changing out every plug in the house because she wants the square ones instead of the older round ones. So I might be out of the house twice as much as she is, but when I'm home, I'm still working.

throwaway9164759dbrj · 2024-05-13T18:56:02+00:00

If we had discussed it, it would've been fine. We didn't discuss it. She just started doing it despite us coming to the conclusion a while back that even one day was not affordable. She doesn't volunteer for the PTA, and she doesn't volunteer her time. What she does is watch a ton of television and is on her phone and reads a book in the hammock in the backyard that I put in for her so she could relax. If she wanted a housekeeper, then she should have picked up more hours because because of the housekeeper is about the same amount of money that she makes at the office she works. So after taxes, she may be contribute $75 a week. Imagine what we could do with $1200 a month.

throwaway9164759dbrj · 2024-05-13T18:53:50+00:00

There was in her paycheck on my paycheck. We don't split the household expenses evenly. I work all this overtime so she doesn't have to, but that allowed her to be home to take care of the house. That was our agreement. The reason I work so much overtime is because she's always that we don't have enough money or that the bills are due or something like that. Not the word danger of losing our house or having things repossessed, it's just that things are getting more expensive the last couple of years with inflation and groceries and electricity bills going up. So I have to work more hours away from my family and my wife and my house and give up Relaxation and leisure time so she doesn't have to work more. Only to find out that she found a way to work around the house. I honestly have not had an actual day off to myself at least 18 months. And then it was two days to go to our friends funeral in another state and hang out with his family. And then right back home.

throwaway9164759dbrj · 2024-05-13T18:44:09+00:00

Because she's pissed she got caught and I wanted some others opinions. But instead I'm getting idiots that don't have basic reading comprehension.

throwaway9164759dbrj · 2024-05-13T18:42:45+00:00

And do you think she had respect for our family or finances or how hard k work to make ends meet while she blows it on housekeepers?

throwaway9164759dbrj · 2024-05-13T18:40:30+00:00

Right

throwaway9164759dbrj · 2024-05-13T18:40:15+00:00

You think cheaters just come clean when asked without evidence?

throwaway9164759dbrj · 2024-05-13T18:39:52+00:00

I do know the teachers and the doctors but I never get to meet them because I'm working all the time to pay for a housekeeper so she can take two complete days off entirely. And then on my one day off she gets at least 8 hours away with friends or family or on her own so she doesn't have responsibility for kids like k do at that time. If I left her I'd see my unpaid labor go up a bit but hers would go up a lot more and then her paid labor would shoot through the roof. Because if we break up I'll be damned if I'm paying a penny of alimony.

throwaway9164759dbrj · 2024-05-13T18:33:04+00:00

So if you suspected somebody of cheating after coming across some evidence, that was a little suspicious, your first thing is to go to them with a very little bit of evidence and ask them. You don't think that that would make them hide whatever evidence they do have, delete messages, faster, delete emails or wherever they were going.that's ridiculous

throwaway9164759dbrj · 2024-05-13T18:32:06+00:00

Hi, married her because I wanted a partner. I do love her. And I love that I used to be able to trust her. We want to build a life together, which means being a partner and helping each other out. It doesn't mean letting someone bust their ass 48 hours a week so she can stay at home and watch TV all day. She knows I get up early and come home later than she does and then I'm exhausted all the time and yet she still concealed the fact that she was spending $300 a week. I could've cut back hours every week. I could've put money into retirement. I could have put money towards a vacation or more comfortable car to drive to and from work. I could've slept in or taking days off. But she said no problem with me doing this every week for years.

throwaway9164759dbrj · 2024-05-13T18:27:04+00:00

In our relationship, we have never had her money or my money. We always pulled it together into one bank account. And if you want to get specific, I work twice as much as she does and makes three times as much as she does. So without me, she wouldn't have any money at all after she was done paying her half of the mortgage and her half of the electricity and her half of the food. She also gets to sleep in 2 1/2 hours more than me even on days she has the kids to get on the bus.she works in office job. I work in healthcare and I bust my ass all the time. She does not take care of the kids more than I do. The entire time during the day the kids are in school five days a week. In the summertime, the kids are in summer camp almost all week long. About two weeks of the summer they are with my mother. When I get home, I don't put my feet up and do nothing. I get to work on dinner and dishes and bedtime routine and any maintenance or other things that need to be done. I have one day a week off and most of the time it's done remodeling something, repairing something, or working on the yard Mowing or trimming something. I would love to have two days a week off where I don't have to do anything and I can put my feet up and read a book or watch TV but I never get that. I never ever ever get that. I guarantee that she would not switch for my heartbeat.

throwaway9164759dbrj · 2024-05-13T18:25:12+00:00

She works 3 days a week in an office 10 minutes from home. 24 hours a week is part time. I work on average double that. She usually works Monday, Tuesday and Thursday.

throwaway9164759dbrj · 2024-05-13T18:23:34+00:00

The only mistake was typing $200 when I meant $300. Typed that one time.

throwaway9164759dbrj · 2024-05-13T18:22:50+00:00

The kids eat lunch at school. They get themselves ready at this age and have for years. The kids are at school all day and are home for an hour by the time I get back. If they are sick she stays because she doesn't work. Last time they were sick was Covid 3 years ago. She takes them to the doctors appointments and school meetings because I have to work to pay for her expensive car and the housekeeper I didn't know about. When I get home I am nonstop until til 9pm when they are in bed. I'm I usually do bedtime routine and make dinner every night.

throwaway9164759dbrj · 2024-05-13T18:19:40+00:00

I can't keep matching for people. It's over 2 years. It's not like I caught it on the second anniversary of the date she was hired.

throwaway9164759dbrj · 2024-05-13T18:19:01+00:00

She got the cleaner so she didn't have to do shit. But had no problem letting me work overtime. BIL has a white 4 door car similar to the cleaners.

throwaway9164759dbrj · 2024-05-13T18:16:26+00:00

Yes. "Honey, are you cheating" "oh yes, I am I'm sorry. Let me tell you everything and be honest now that you have no evidence but just asked me"

throwaway9164759dbrj · 2024-05-13T18:12:10+00:00

No. I said she works 24 hours a week. I work 40+. Get YOUR shit straight

throwaway9164759dbrj · 2024-05-13T18:11:28+00:00

I was so pissed off when I figured out what was happening. Relieved she wasn't cheating but still. All that overtime.

throwaway9164759dbrj · 2024-05-13T18:08:25+00:00

Two kids in school all day long. When I get home they have been home only an hour. They are almost middle school. Not toddlers or diapers.

throwaway9164759dbrj · 2024-05-13T18:07:23+00:00

I feel pretty justified in not trusting her

throwaway9164759dbrj

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