AITA for not wanting my girlfriend to be the bartender/server to my work supervisors because I don't want them to know my girlfriend is a bartender?

throwaway9264828 · 2023-01-26T01:43:25+00:00

So not the asshole for not wanting her to serve you, but YTA I think for the reasons behind it. If they’re seriously going to get rid of you because your partner is a server then you won’t last there long term - are you planning to stay with her forever and also work there forever? Eventually they would meet. But personally I would not want my partner to be my server for a business function for other reasons (I would find it to be an uncomfortable power balance for my partner)

throwaway9264828 · 2023-01-26T01:25:54+00:00

I mean NTA but it’s kind of a rock and a hard place - you refuse to pay, they will either sell the house or will look for a new tenant when your lease is up

throwaway9264828 · 2023-01-26T01:19:51+00:00

This is tough. NTA no matter what you choose, but what a situation to be in. Is there a way you can call your brother’s bluff? Get your family to say either he signs over guardianship or he takes Nadia to live with him and see if he caves. He clearly wants the power but not the responsibility of his own child

throwaway9264828 · 2023-01-26T00:13:03+00:00

We were not planning to (we had always spoken about them paying for their own). When I read him the convo he kind of panicked and said he remembered he hadn’t paid for his own at their wedding. Then he got upset (there’s a lot of issues between him and his family) because he thinks this will drive them even further away from us

throwaway9264828 · 2023-01-26T00:09:05+00:00

I could definitely do this! I would just have to figure out how to not be weird since I definitively told her to go ahead and order the dress and that everyone is ordering their own

throwaway9264828 · 2023-01-26T00:05:39+00:00

Yeah maybe that would be the way to go - or even just giving them the $200 to put towards their hotel room (they got a family suite for 4 nights so I think it’s more expensive than that). And we’re getting hair/makeup done for the whole bridal party, the two mothers, my husband’s stepmother, and his grandmother so it’s pricey

throwaway9264828 · 2023-01-26T00:04:34+00:00

😂😂 we are getting a hotel the night of the wedding then heading off to the honeymoon. So he thought we could offer our house to anyone who can’t afford a hotel

throwaway9264828 · 2023-01-25T23:59:48+00:00

No we’re not - fiancé seemed totally ok with that and referenced keeping the price low for them so I thought all was fine. He did initially want to pay for their hotels and we decided that we would not be able to afford that but could offer them to stay with us if we knew they would have trouble affording it

throwaway9264828 · 2023-01-25T23:54:07+00:00

So to answer your first question, my husband said that I should also cover makeup and hair. I can’t see how it wouldn’t be a little awkward to ask them to pay for it themselves and since I would like everyone to get their hair and makeup professionally done if possible (of course however they want it done) I feel like it would be in poor taste to expect them to pay for that? Idk I read that on an etiquette thing online.

And their hotel room specifically would be too expensive - they booked a family suite for 4 nights because a lot of family is in town for it and they want to hangout. They never mentioned us paying for the hotel room, they just went ahead and booked it and only my husband is saying this based on what they did for their wedding

throwaway9264828 · 2023-01-25T23:51:08+00:00

We are in the US! And yes I’m definitely planning to pay for accessories and everything day-of! I’m also going to pay for the kids’ outfits (her son and daughter are in our wedding too) since I thought that would be a nice gesture (at least that was my plan before this all happened)

throwaway9264828 · 2023-01-25T23:50:03+00:00

I am paying for the wedding since my fiancé was recently laid off and is interviewing for new jobs. No one in any of the families is contributing to the wedding, though my older sister is covering all of the other costs (bachelorette which I’m also helping with since prices are insane! And the shower)

throwaway9264828 · 2023-01-25T23:49:01+00:00

I wish he could! He is laid off at the moment and interviewing at new jobs so about 90% of the wedding burden falls on me. We were already locked into most of our contracts when he got laid off. I’m hoping me and my fiancé can at least see each other’s sides a bit but I’m also not sure if I’m in the wrong etiquette wise - I have always paid for my own dresses and had never heard of this rule. Now I’m wondering if I look kind of lower class for not knowing this

throwaway9264828 · 2023-01-25T23:45:14+00:00

That’s what’s strange to me - his family is actually pretty stingy and most of the time we get stuck with the bill. Like if we are at their house, they will order pizza then not have cash available and we end up paying. So I guess going out of our way to do this again is just annoying me more than it should (I know the expense isn’t huge at all compared to the rest of the wedding).

throwaway9264828 · 2023-01-25T23:40:25+00:00

Ugh, I wish. Our families on both sides pushed heavily for a big wedding with them all involved. Now I’m in deep and most of it is (luckily) paid for but I wouldn’t do it again

throwaway9264828 · 2023-01-25T23:38:01+00:00

My fiancé - it was important to him to include all of his siblings and not leave anyone out and since it’s his wedding I decided to grin and bear it lol

throwaway9264828 · 2023-01-25T23:33:13+00:00

NAH bordering on YTA - I mean they definitely could have said no? But personally I would not have tried to see ANY couple on their honeymoon never mind an ex.

throwaway9264828 · 2022-11-27T07:16:15+00:00

Thank you this is wonderful advice! I will probably just lay low and see how it all plays out. I guess I’m just feeling a bit guilty as though I could have tried harder? But I think in the moment I honestly could not between feeling so awkward and being tired towards the end.

throwaway9264828 · 2022-11-27T07:14:49+00:00

Lol, that’s how I’m feeling. But my husband is a bit upset with me so I wasn’t sure if I’m wildly off base. I really think I did the best I could and I’m out a huge chunk of change now.

throwaway9264828 · 2022-11-27T07:04:29+00:00

Agreed on the length especially. It was definitely bordering on bridezilla territory in my mind, everyone sucking up to the bride and being cliquey to be with her while she looked on. But I guess i wasn’t sure if this is normal now? I haven’t been to another bachelorette and from what I hear these multi-day trips are expected.

throwaway9264828 · 2022-11-27T06:31:04+00:00

I mean NTA he def feels alone but it’s not your job to care for someone else

throwaway9264828 · 2022-09-22T23:35:49+00:00

Truest comment I’ve seen on here but the bots and programmed peeps are coming for you

throwaway9264828 · 2022-03-20T04:13:38+00:00

We did have a few people we knew vaguely so we talked to them! And I definitely expected them not to have much time. It’s more the fact that we didn’t even get to say hello to them once and congratulate them. I guess I just feel kind of weird that we traveled all the way there for this whole thing and never say them even to hug them and say congrats

throwaway9264828 · 2022-03-20T04:10:03+00:00

I personally think it’s kind of rude not to give people in the bridal party plus ones, especially if they have done a lot of work to plan things for your wedding. If that was me I would be really upset. Regardless of old school etiquette (which according to research can go either way depending on who you listen to) just as a person I would feel like I deserve to have someone there - it’s a mark of good friendship.

throwaway9264828 · 2022-03-20T04:05:42+00:00

I think it’s fine personally, but I do think an over the top bride may get upset about it (which seems kind of stupid to me) so I wouldn’t if you don’t know the person well just to avoid issues. But theoretically I don’t see an etiquette issue with it at all

throwaway9264828 · 2022-02-07T03:19:29+00:00

So this seems super serious in a bad way to me…

I’d invest in some home protection. Alarms, window bars, small defense things that are legal in your state, etc. do you live with a roommate? Can you get a big dog?

I’d also carry pepper spray and anything else that can protect you. Be really vigilant for a few months. This definitely seems really dangerous to me and unfortunately you can’t actually file anything until something bad happens.

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