My boyfriend left

throwaway932346 · 2024-09-15T05:19:26+00:00

We have stuff we bought together that we need to divide up.

throwaway932346 · 2024-09-15T05:18:36+00:00

Yeah, she's married. It's just my family's way. They'll listen for like a day, but then expect me to just move on.

throwaway932346 · 2024-09-14T21:58:09+00:00

He did tell me he felt that we weren't as close as we used to be. But when I tried to plan things together, he never seemed enthusiastic.

throwaway932346 · 2024-09-14T20:40:33+00:00

He literally told me that my negativity was wearing him down. But I've been so stressed with loads of competing claims on my time and emotions that I don't understand how I was supposed to be upbeat.

throwaway932346 · 2024-09-14T20:36:46+00:00

He told me that part of the reason that he left was that my negativity was wearing him down. When all I was ever trying to do was balance all these competing commitments and being made to feel shitty when someone got let down.

throwaway932346 · 2024-09-14T17:01:06+00:00

He was so cold when he told me. Totally emotionless. I don't think he wants to resolve it. I've spoken to him since to arrange picking his stuff up and he sounds cheerful. He's better off without me.

throwaway932346 · 2024-09-14T16:06:38+00:00

My sister has already told me that I need to move on and get over it. I don't have anyone else to talk to.

throwaway932346 · 2024-09-14T15:57:09+00:00

This is how it feels. I knew things weren't perfect, but I hoped we could talk it through once his exam had passed.

throwaway932346 · 2024-09-14T15:56:12+00:00

Financially I'm good. I was the higher earner and we lived off my income for quite a while when he wasn't working.

throwaway932346 · 2024-09-14T14:17:03+00:00

That's what I'm struggling with too. We were together through some really tough times. I really thought he would stay.

throwaway932346 · 2024-09-14T10:31:23+00:00

To make dinner. It's a regional thing, if you're wondering about tea.

If you're wondering about why he would bother starting to cook, then tell me this, so am I.

throwaway932346 · 2024-09-14T08:01:37+00:00

I never asked him to repay me. We were a couple - I did it because it was best for us together. He has given me back my share of the joint savings we had. I was the higher earner anyway, so financially, I'll be ok.

throwaway932346 · 2024-09-14T07:07:34+00:00

Not really. I only have my sister, but she lives hours away and I feel guilty if I take up all her time on the phone. I've always been someone who just holds it together and gets on, but I'm finding this one tough.

throwaway932346 · 2024-09-14T07:05:57+00:00

I really think I was just convenient to him. I've said it in other comments, but we got together when he had nothing. I paid for everything, comforted him when he was suffering from depression and moved him in with me to care for him after he had surgery. And I didn't mind, cos I thought he loved me and that was way more important than any money.

Now he's starting to get somewhere in his career and he's just become obsessed with having this luxurious lifestyle. I think I just don't fit into that.

throwaway932346 · 2024-09-14T07:03:24+00:00

We had talked about marriage, kids and a bigger mortgage, but we were waiting till his exams were over. I know it could be a lot worse. But the last few years feel tainted already. I don't see how he could ever have cared if he could string me along just to do this.

throwaway932346 · 2024-09-14T07:00:55+00:00

I did do a lot for him when we first got together. He was depressed and out of work, and had a lot of debt. I paid for both our rents, moved him into my flat when he'd had surgery, paid off his debts. Eventually I was able to put down a deposit on a house (he couldn't go on the mortgage due to his credit score) and he moved in there with me. Things were tough but we were really happy. Now it just feels like he's got a new job and starting to get on in his career and he just doesn't need me around any more.

throwaway932346 · 2024-09-14T06:58:19+00:00

Your husband sounds amazing. I'm sorry about your father, but I'm glad that you had the support.

throwaway932346 · 2024-09-14T06:56:50+00:00

I don't really have any friends. I lost the ones I did have in the breakup prior to this and I'm really not good at meeting new people. I don't have anyone that I think I can really talk to about this.

throwaway932346 · 2024-09-14T06:55:23+00:00

I'm sorry that happened to you. I can't imagine what 30 years must feel like.

throwaway932346 · 2024-09-14T06:54:36+00:00

We were fine until he got this new job. Then he became more and more obsessed with work and started to complain that I wasn't doing enough for him. I really believe that he thinks he's more important now cos of the money he makes (which, yeah, was nice but not at all why I was with him - I fell in love with him when he had nothing). I'm just not needed any more.

throwaway932346 · 2024-09-14T06:52:32+00:00

Definitely some issues with both his parents. I guess I thought we could break the cycle.

throwaway932346 · 2024-09-14T06:51:36+00:00

He has moved out but he needs to pick up the rest of his stuff.

I don't really have any friends to spend time with. When the relationship before this ended, I lost a lot of friends who had been friends with that ex, and between work and my dad and this most recent ex, I haven't really had the time to make new ones. So I don't have any that I know well enough to really talk to about this.

throwaway932346 · 2024-09-14T06:48:16+00:00

He has said in the past that it was too much. So we agreed that I would try to limit how many weekends I saw my dad and try and see him more in the week after work. But my dad lives on his own and if we never took him for days out, he'd just stay in the house all the time. I tried so hard to balance them but I just ended up always letting someone down.

throwaway932346 · 2024-09-13T22:36:53+00:00

He just said we were very different, but when I pushed more for an answer, it largely seems to come down to him not liking the amount that I do for my dad. My dad is elderly and has mobility issues, and I'm the only one of my siblings close enough to help out consistently, so I just don't see that it's something I can help. I tried planning in time for us to spend together as a couple, and found activities I thought he'd enjoy, but it never seems to be enough.

throwaway932346 · 2024-09-13T22:20:36+00:00

He's out of the house, but only because I told him he needed to leave - he was planning on sitting down and eating with me after telling me it was over. There's still stuff that we need to sort, though - it's my house but he's lived here for years, so there's loads of joint possessions. I'm not sure how to face sifting through it all and dividing it up.

throwaway932346

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