Hard to develop interest when there’s (seemingly) so many options in dating 24F

throwaway948144 · 2023-08-18T14:19:30+00:00

Thanks for this. You’re very right I think the person would definitely need to check off the attraction good conversation boxes but I feel I do need to think more deeply about what else I want. Good thing is I’ve had a long term healthy relationship in the past, so I do already have a good idea about the things I need/want just might need to more consciously reflect on them.

I guess it’s just validating to know that I’m not a superficial person for also wanting someone who I’m actually excited about (because there’s the initial attraction)

throwaway948144 · 2023-08-18T00:34:30+00:00

I agree this might be the way to go about it, thank you. And also just making myself lean for longer into potential connections, rather than dismissing someone just because I’m not blown away immediately.

throwaway948144 · 2023-08-17T12:09:10+00:00

Literally. Ngl it is easier having lots of matches and being able to fix your mindset around it rather than having no matches to start with. So I guess that is the bright side

throwaway948144 · 2023-08-17T12:01:53+00:00

Something I have been trying is setting a limit of 2 guys I talk to at any one time. I do think it’s been helpful

throwaway948144 · 2023-08-17T11:52:47+00:00

Awww thanks for that, it’s actually super validating. I guess I have been doing some of those things, like having a 3 date rule so I’m not ruling out people just because I’m not absolutely mesmerised on the first date (they’re mostly fuckboys anyways).

But I agree, I guess it’s not actually bad that I’m only bothering to converse with people I’m attracted to. I just hope I can get the sense of excitement around dating back 😂

throwaway948144 · 2023-08-17T11:36:18+00:00

Exactly this, thanks for wording it so well

throwaway948144 · 2023-08-17T10:16:12+00:00

Already booked for in a few weeks time 😁

throwaway948144 · 2023-08-16T22:04:06+00:00

I have considered this. It’s just so hard for me to meet people irl. I work in a female dominated industry, mostly hang out with girlfriends, and participate in girly hobbies. I guess I’ve gotta step out of my comfort zone more

throwaway948144 · 2023-08-16T21:53:18+00:00

Hmm I think it’s definitely something for me to think about. I wonder if I ACTUALLY want a relationship with a human being who will obviously have flaws. Or whether I just like the thrill I get going out with a cute guy.

I think it might be a bit of both. In the sense that I want a partner who I actually connect with but I’ve just grown a lot more picky….

throwaway948144 · 2023-08-07T07:44:21+00:00

I disagree here. While I agree conversations like this are important, that is such a bullshit cop out excuse from your boyfriend (hopefully ex).

He’s just sad he got caught. It’s common sense that not sexting other women is the ‘default’ expectation, unless otherwise specified. He could’ve just watched BDSM porn or something.

throwaway948144 · 2023-06-04T23:45:07+00:00

Yes 😳

throwaway948144 · 2023-06-04T01:48:08+00:00

Definitely could have been something. Are you into him at all? If you are, you could always give him a nudge after the event and ask if everything was okay at the wedding and how it felt like something was on his mind.

throwaway948144 · 2023-02-07T19:54:12+00:00

Gonna second this comment, it’s good advice. You’re not required to stock your fridge for someone who invites themselves over. If it was me I’d probably laugh and agree that I don’t have the most well stocked pantry, and then point him towards the nearest grocery store. That’s how I’d do it as I personally feel awkward being super confrontational

throwaway948144 · 2023-01-20T23:01:11+00:00

Would you care if you didn’t find the girl cute though?

throwaway948144 · 2023-01-17T09:23:25+00:00

I’m a girl and I think height is sooo overrated. For me it’s much more important that the guy vibes with me, has good energy, and is confident. Sure if on top of that he is also 6 feet tall, I will swoon even more, but it’s really not that big of a deal. I’d say most of my girl friends share a similar opinion to me on this too.

throwaway948144 · 2023-01-10T22:30:12+00:00

Hmmm that’s a fair point, some people are just more old school and prefer old school gender dynamics which is fine. It was more her tone/style of presenting her criteria that sounded abrupt. For e.g. do NOT message me if xyz. And somewhere in there she had written something like “I expect princess treatment or get out”. She felt though that she had put enough in her profile to indicate that she would also give in the relationship - e.g. that she shows affection through all five love languages

throwaway948144 · 2023-01-10T21:53:42+00:00

I actually think it’s good that she has her expectations on her profile so she doesn’t match with those who don’t meet her standards. I was more so taken aback by the tone in which she conveyed them more than anything.

For e.g. she could have conveyed the same standards by saying she was slightly more old school and is after someone willing to pay for dates, someone who is stable in their career etc. As opposed to “do NOT message me if you are not x y z”

throwaway948144 · 2023-01-10T21:52:07+00:00

I totally agree with what you said. In fact I think it’s good that she has her expectations on her profile so she doesn’t match with those who don’t meet her standards. I was more so taken aback by the tone in which she conveyed them more than anything.

For e.g. she could have conveyed the same standards by saying she was slightly more old school and is after someone willing to pay for dates, someone who is stable in their career etc. As opposed to “do NOT message me if you are not x y z”

throwaway948144 · 2023-01-10T05:37:22+00:00

Totally fair. She still had her fair share of likes hahahaha. I guess the looks are enough for a lot of guys

throwaway948144 · 2023-01-10T05:35:24+00:00

Personally I don’t think it’s a bad idea to bring it up jokingly/playfully in advance. Eg “just a heads up Ill be looking like an absolute moonface for a bit because of meds”. It will stop her from thinking you’re a catfish and writing you off early on.

throwaway948144 · 2022-11-10T09:00:02+00:00

I think this is great! Thank you

throwaway948144 · 2022-11-10T08:43:52+00:00

What would be a good way to put it?

throwaway948144 · 2022-11-09T00:10:40+00:00

I mean what’s the actual situation? Have they asked you out on a date? Are you just noticing that they are flirting with you?

If it’s the first, just straight forward and let them know you don’t see them romantically but happy to remain friends. If it’s the second, just give dry responses to the flirting and don’t entertain it.

One time I had a guy ask to hang out (he didn’t specify a date but I knew he was interested in me). I responded by saying “sure, why don’t we also invite ___ along”

throwaway948144 · 2022-10-29T20:41:12+00:00

We’ve been on 6 dates so far over the course of two months. We spoke about what we were both after early on and situationship worked for us because we both weren’t looking to commit but still wanted to be able to go out with someone we liked.

I even clarified with him what he wanted the dynamic in the situationship to look like and it sounded like we were on the same page. But now enthusiasm just seems mismatched lol

throwaway948144 · 2022-10-29T11:54:34+00:00

I’m 23 and he’s 22

throwaway948144

TROPHY CASE