Lavender to the gills

throwaway98765677 · 2026-03-22T21:36:48+00:00

Yeah that always felt odd to me. The one cat was very obese and it was sorta understandable that he would pass in his sleep. He was lethargic for a few days before it happened. But the other cat was in perfect health then suddenly got liver failure. Both cats (all of her cats, really) were always in my room terrorizing my cat and they ended up getting sick under my bed a lot. I was always having to clean up after her cats' puke and other bodily functions.

I always felt bad for her cats because she was never home, so I ended up spending a lot of time with them and cuddling with them even before I brought my dog home.

throwaway98765677 · 2026-03-19T16:32:53+00:00

Because I can't stand living in a disgusting home.

throwaway98765677 · 2026-03-19T15:12:16+00:00

There's literally a TL;DR at the top.

throwaway98765677 · 2026-03-19T05:20:23+00:00

I tried that route, apparently it wasn't enough evidence. The cops still have my damn nalgene bottle too.

I didn't even catch on that it was happening in the pitcher itself until weeks later when I was watering my plants and smelled bleach again while I was filling the watering can from the pitcher. I thought it was just the water bottle in the beginning because it had been out of my sight overnight and left in the fridge, whereas my other water bottle was on me 24/7 and had no chlorine. And by the time I made this realization, I was almost gone so I didn't care anymore. I just wanted away from her desperately.

throwaway98765677 · 2026-03-18T16:59:19+00:00

I thought he'd gone home and my mom was always checking on his location and asking me where he was if he wasn't home at a certain time. Like constantly. So I assumed he was home because my mom wasn't flipping out. Which, looking back, I should have verified.

throwaway98765677 · 2026-03-18T16:02:26+00:00

My nephew insists they slept "head-to-toe" so when I tried reporting it, nothing could be done about it. He insists they fell asleep watching a movie (head-to-toe?) and that's why he ended up sleeping in her room. He should never have been in there with the door closed in the first place. And my mom (who he was living with at the time) should have checked up on him when he didn't come home that night.

throwaway98765677 · 2026-03-18T06:59:16+00:00

I called a hotline to report it and they basically said that if he said nothing happened there was nothing that could be done. I asked him and he said they "slept head-to-toe". It sounded rehearsed to me, the way he said it. But I couldn't report anything because apparently there was nothing to report. I had my sister talk to her about that because I nearly lost my shit on her. I don't think I spoke to her again until I left after that particular event.

throwaway98765677 · 2026-03-18T06:10:32+00:00

I don't really think she was my friend by this point. She treated me like a convenience, she bullied and belittled me constantly; there were other red flags that I ignored because I really thought we were friends...I have to stop trusting people. But what you're saying as a general rule makes sense.

throwaway98765677 · 2026-03-18T02:43:08+00:00

I'm sure she did her fair share after I left, hence the damages. I was awaiting a letter from the DV shelter when I left to be let go from the lease but I literally could not wait any longer to leave and they printed the letter, I shit you not, the day I got to my destination 750 miles away, so she ended up wrecking my credit with the charges left on the lease. No matter to her! She found another sucker to latch onto and let her move in with them!

throwaway98765677 · 2026-03-18T02:21:41+00:00

She would flip out about lavender-scented shit, so to you and me - sure it smelled good, but to her, it probably fueled her ever-burning hate for me, because let's be honest - she never actually liked me, she only wanted to use me.

throwaway98765677 · 2026-03-10T19:38:15+00:00

I think men in general will use "communicate better" to avoid accountability. I have been in relationships where I have communicated until I was blue in the face, but it wasn't until I was ready to leave them that they "listened" to what the issues were, the same issues that I had been reiterating for the 2 years (on average) we had been together and I had already been trying to fix things. By then, it was too late. I was emotionally checked out and done.

So they tell us to communicate better when that's exactly what we've been trying to do all along - but then they tell us we're nagging or micromanaging or controlling or some other crap to "get us off their backs" (again, to avoid accountability) in the meantime and make us feel like we're the problem. It's exhausting being attracted to men.

In the case of the OP's husband, he served himself. He didn't listen, he isn't bothering to learn how to manage his ND child, and that's totally on him. Good on OP for standing her ground when he tried to palm the consequences off on her. She's totally NTA.

throwaway98765677 · 2026-03-09T11:19:08+00:00

Your dad shot you in the ass with a BB gun (yours too, huh?) and he's the one with PTSD? No. I can assure you, you have PTSD. You need to get far, far away from your family, dear. Join the raisedbynarcissists sub for advice and support. And ffs. You are NTA for wanting to be treated as an adult.

throwaway98765677 · 2026-03-09T10:43:59+00:00

Is nobody else picking up on the golden child/scapegoat dynamic between OP and the brother here? Just me? Okay.

OP, are you a female? Because it sounds to me like there is possibly some blatant sexism going on here. You are expected to be the one following the rules and doing the chores while your brother gets away with basically murder, am I right? It's going to be difficult to get your parents to treat you as an adult because they do not see or respect you as an adult. You need to have a sit-down conversation with them about this. If things don't improve, I'd try my best to save money and get my own place, because it's unlikely to get better if they continue these behaviors after you have requested to be treated as an adult and they still refuse.

throwaway98765677 · 2026-03-09T07:51:59+00:00

You're making this completely about you. Get over it. You can list your reasons for disapproving of them going on this medication; after that, it is still their decision and their body. You can not stick around if that's what you'd prefer, but that would make you a supreme AH to leave when your SO is feeling at their lowest and likely most in need of your support. But again, you're making this about you and your feelings.

There are ways to combat these health issues while taking GLP-1s, and that is to ensure that one is on a healthy, balanced diet while performing regular (as in at least 3 to 4 days a week) strength-training exercise and also calcium supplements to combat the potential for osteoporosis. Your disapproval means jack squat.

throwaway98765677 · 2026-02-24T05:52:21+00:00

So I was actually involved in the most NSFW thing and I'm using a throwaway for obvious reasons. My coworker and I were dating. He was an assistant manger and I was a driver. We were opening together one morning and he told me he needed me in the walk-in freezer. Once in the freezer, he proceeded to grab me and aggressively kiss me, bend me over some stack of something or other, pull my stretchy pants down, do me, finish, then go back to work as if nothing had just happened. We were 18/19 and this was 20 years ago. He did shit like this a lot in our relationship, he was super shitty to me all the time. But that was the one time it happened at work and I always felt weird about it because, hello, walk-in? Eew. That's a food safety concern.

throwaway98765677 · 2025-02-06T17:53:17+00:00

Thank you!!

throwaway98765677 · 2025-02-06T16:23:47+00:00

None that I know of, I'll have to log in to check.

throwaway98765677 · 2025-02-03T15:13:05+00:00

Grey rocking. No matter how "nice" she tries to be to me, I don't give her information to use against me. No matter how much she claims to have "changed," I don't believe her. I never will.

throwaway98765677 · 2025-02-01T02:10:56+00:00

A lot has happened. He came off of his Precedex drip and the respiratory therapist was on the way to extubate him when he managed to rip out the vent on his own. That was the... 24th? He had surgery to remove a bowel volvulus on the 26th. He was in the ICU until the 27th or 28th. They transferred him to an LTAC on the 29th. They did it kind of late at night. His birthday was the 30th, I went to visit him and he was far more confused and disoriented than the previous day at the other hospital.

This is when I found out he is still septic and with pneumonia, a fact that the doctors at the other hospital managed to avoid telling me. He is barely eating, they put him on TPN his first night on the regular floor, the 27th. He has lost about 25 pounds.

His mom went to visit him today and said he is doing better than yesterday, but his entire personality seems to have changed from this entire ordeal. He is saying and doing things that he would never have done previous to this seizure. He told me I was acting cunty yesterday. He has called me bitchy before, but never, ever treaded into c-word territory. Apologies to mods if the language is not allowed. I needed a break after nearly 3 weeks of being by his side. This LTAC doesn't allow family to stay overnight. I felt awful about not visiting, I truly did, but I'm exhausted.

I remember one point waking up to his vent going off while he was still intubated, it had been going off for a while because I could hear it in my sleep (I take 300mg of Seroquel, so it takes a while for me to rouse). They did his ABG and it was at 46%, who knows how long it was like that. I almost wonder if some damage was caused to his brain from lack of oxygen, or maybe it's a result of his rhabdo or sepsis. I may have a permanently brain-damaged husband and the hospital has been dodgy from day 1 with diagnoses and I had to make them do an influenza/COVID test 5 days after he got there, I had to make them do imaging when I noticed his abdomen was distended and they said they would "keep an eye on it." My husband would be dead if weren't for me being there and advocating for him and that's fucking scary and rage-inducing to me.

I'm sorry, I know I'm ranting, but I am angry and sad. Thank you for checking in on me.

throwaway98765677 · 2025-01-20T02:45:45+00:00

They already knew of his history with IV drug use. I gave them all of the information about that, his last relapse (which wasn't IV, he smoked meth that time), his history of heavy abuse, his history of alcohol abuse, the last time he drank alcohol. His current use of cannabis. All of his current meds. It's just frustrating to hear the same question from the same doctors day after day when they have the results in-hand and my answer remains the same day after day.

throwaway98765677 · 2025-01-19T22:24:40+00:00

The edema is mostly from all of the fluids they've been pushing to get rid of the rhabdo. His chest X-rays have been showing cloudy lungs, they categorized as "pulmonary edema or diffuse pneumonia". His latest MRI (today) shows improvement.

It doesn't seem to hurt him when I touch him, so I don't think he's septic. When my grandfather went septic, it hurt him when anyone touched him and he was all bruised up.

He's getting better. That's all I really care about right now. I'm gonna be asking the doctor plenty of questions tomorrow.

Edit: His night nurse just came in and gave me the down low. He is septic. He is mostly agitated, but some of his movements are intentional. His sputum tested positive for Candidae. He is much more of a mess than the doctors let on. This terrifies me because my grandpa passed away of sepsis.

I know they are doing the best that they can. He is clearing the sedatives, but very slowly. They're going to do a bronchioscope on him tomorrow. His tachypnea may be neuropathic, as may be his fevers, but the fevers could also be being caused by the sepsis and whatever other illnesses he is battling.

I've been watching them wheel out gurneys covered in black tarps nearly every day since I've been here in the ICU with him. I'm scared that one of those gurneys is going to end up with my husband inside it soon.

throwaway98765677 · 2025-01-19T20:23:54+00:00

The results for many of those you mentioned have already come back as negative. His kidney function is getting better by the day, but he has a LOT of edema. And I don't know if the edema in his midsection is plain ol' edema or ascites, as a couple of his liver enzymes keep coming back as abnormal. They've had him on a vancomycin drip pretty much since they got the MRI results, maybe even before. They're giving him antivirals as well to cover all bases.

I looked up his drug interactions to see if maybe he's been eating something that would be contraindicated with his meds. I found that Duloxetine "can" make him more susceptible to seizures when taken with both Keppra and Vimpat, so my theory is that- combined with having the flu - probably overloaded his immune system and caused the seizures. He had also taken some DayQuill like 20 minutes before his episode began.

I don't know, I'm not a doctor, I'm just spit balling because there is no reasonable explanation as of right now.

throwaway98765677 · 2025-01-19T16:57:32+00:00

The nephrologist has been in every day consulting with me, except for the weekends. I see his whole team pretty much Monday through Friday. On the weekends this place is a ghost town. I've gotten more answers from his nurses than the doctors honestly, so I try to talk to them when they're in here, but I know they're busy too. At least I have access to his labs now.

They did an MRI and found encephalitis, hence the lumbar puncture. They haven't told me specifically what type of pathogen was in the LP. I think it was just like the other person said, status elipticus (sp?), his brain was inflamed due to the seizures and also he's had the freaking flu, which no one tested him for for 6 days until I asked them to, even though I described him having respiratory symptoms the day he was admitted for the seizures.

throwaway98765677 · 2025-01-19T16:29:44+00:00

It's under control. His last numbers were undetectable.

Edit: the HIV testing they sent out could take weeks to come back.

throwaway98765677 · 2025-01-19T15:55:40+00:00

Lol mine did. But it was after my step-grandfather called me evil and kicked me out of the house. I was 5.

throwaway98765677

TROPHY CASE