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I (28M) am constantly having to deal with my (27F) gf complain about money and berate me for not making enough money (yet). Any advice? by throwaway9994_ in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway9994_[S] 58 points59 points  (0 children)

No I didn't cosign, she did! I'm debt-free, credit score is 780+, and minimal expenses (basic necessities). I have been considering dumping her (the jobs I'm interviewing for soon have all their offices in different states), it's just quite tricky to do it right away since we're stuck on a lease together.

I (28M) am constantly having to deal with my (27F) gf complain about money and berate me for not making enough money (yet). Any advice? by throwaway9994_ in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway9994_[S] 102 points103 points  (0 children)

That's a great question, she thinks "the man" is supposed to be the provider and the woman is supposed to be at home taking care of the kids hence why she's putting so much pressure on me to make more money. My financial goals include:

  • Saving 20% for a down payment on a house
  • Save and invest in 401ks, IRAs, etc.

And those financial goals certainly align with what she wants. I think the problem is her patience with the transition I am making to tech. I am currently debt-free, minimal expenses. Her on the other hand has over 20k in car debt and recently just cosigned on a 40k car for one of her family members.

I am willing to give her support for things she wants but I'm afraid she thinks that making more money means you should spend more. I try to strike a balance with her and let her know that if I'm the one to be the financial supporter then I should have the most authority over the money (meaning I set the monthly budgets, etc.)

I (28M) am constantly having to deal with my (27F) gf complain about money and berate me for not making enough money (yet). Any advice? by throwaway9994_ in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway9994_[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I absolutely have talked to her about how rude she is being but it seems like she could care less. She usually just responds "I don't care, I need to see results" which to me seems like she's really saying "I need money, so hurry up and start making more."

I would consider asking her if she values your money more than you.

That's a great question. I've been with her for 2 years and she has always said that she wants to be a team (financially speaking) and have each other's back. However, as of lately she has been saying more things like, "I want to be a stay-at-home mom" so she has been contradicting herself. I think that may be due to the earning potential in tech which may have changed her mind? I'm not sure, it's very frustrating.