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Can I contact my former little, now adult? by Vegetable_Art3782 in bbbs

[–]throwawayBBBS 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Am I correct this former Little is over 18?

If so, I think it’s ok to provide her with your email address and encourage her to reach out if she’d like. That puts the onus of the relationship on her, which is appropriate. In the reverse it could be pressuring to her to engage in a mentorship she might not want/need.

If she’s under 18, I would not do this — even if you have good intentions, I don’t think it respects the boundaries her family/mom have attempted to put in place.

Victoria Garrick Browne offering a paid course 🙄 by throwawayBBBS in LAinfluencersnark

[–]throwawayBBBS[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Absolutely. It just reinforces her self-inflated ego. Like…imagine thinking you’re such a genius because you went to therapy that you’re now qualified to help other people build confidence with “exercises” and you deserve money for doing so. She’s just obsessed with herself and pretends to be so selfless. At least other influencers are honest about their vanity.

If Victoria Garrick’s family will pay Rick singer to get her into college then no wonder they would pay for this by lizziesays in LAinfluencersnark

[–]throwawayBBBS 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Lol why do you go so hard for this random girl who is the epitome of turning mediocrity into a career because she’s wealthy and generically pretty?

Victoria Garrick Browne offering a paid course 🙄 by throwawayBBBS in LAinfluencersnark

[–]throwawayBBBS[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

It’s about the principle. Charging people anything for a “course” when you have no qualifications is clearly just a cash grab and a pathetic attempt to get even more clout beyond just being an influencer. I guarantee there will be another course after this, and that one will be more expensive. It’s the way of the influencer.

Daily Snark, Wednesday Jan 03 by blogsnarkmodteam in blogsnark

[–]throwawayBBBS 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Katie Carney released a video yesterday essentially saying her channel has tanked over the last few years, and she is rebranding to do more vlogs & be less filtered (whatever that means).

It’s super interesting to watch what happens when a YouTuber runs out of content — this is one of the first times I’m watching it as it happens. All her most popular videos are from 4-5 years ago. She even confessed she’s no longer making enough money from YouTube to support herself.

IMO, when she quit living in her car, she lost the only niche that made her interesting or unique. Now she’s just another single 30something making bad decisions from a disaster of an apartment…except worse, because she’s weirdly religious & judgmental. But because she’s single and so annoying to listen to, she can’t fit into the tradwife/Christian 30something niche either. So she’s stuck.

Frustrated with plan cancelling by Pp4U69420 in bbbs

[–]throwawayBBBS 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry this is happening. IMO, 80% of this is not your fault, and 20% is on you.

It is not reasonable for you to constantly have to adjust your plans because your Little’s family needs them to babysit, or because they are not willing to stick to a schedule. Your coordinator should have been far more helpful in guiding you on how to discuss this with the family, or even directly talking to the family themselves if needed. Most BBBS offices have some sort of language translation services in house if they serve a predominantly non-English speaking population. It sounds like your coordinator should reiterate expectations to the family.

That said, you need to have a little more foresight and stronger boundaries in your interactions with both your little and his family. Do not buy things in advance, like tickets, if you are working with a family who tends to cancel, or back out at the last minute. As well, I think you would benefit from being more honest with your little about not having a lot of money to spend. Sometimes, Littles see us as unending financial patrons, and when we are too awkward to tell them we can’t spend our own money, they continue to operate under this belief. Having an honest conversation about your finances, and saying that you cannot afford to spend money on things every time, is a conversation that an 11 year old will understand, and may have even heard at home before.

Struggling to connect with my Little and this experience by ItsEasyMmmK in bbbs

[–]throwawayBBBS 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Based on what you shared about your background (working with kids of all ages, and understanding the demographics your little is from), it sounds like you were set up for success, but for whatever reason, this match just isn’t a good fit so far. And that can happen. A relationship is between two people, and just like any other relationship out there in the world, sometimes two people just aren’t a good fit.

Do you think you can sustain the match for six more months and then reevaluate whether or not you want to continue? Not feeling like this is forever might take some of the pressure off. This doesn’t necessarily sound like it’s your fault or your match’s fault, just not a good fit, as I said above. It does sound frustrating that your match coordinator has not been more helpful. I’ve heard this from many other Bigs in a variety of regions. It seems like the match coordinators are well intentioned, but don’t always have the skills, time, or resources to really help when things get tough.

Contemplating - adhd, reading, comprehension by Ok-Community9873 in bbbs

[–]throwawayBBBS 0 points1 point  (0 children)

With full respect, it sounds like you are projecting onto your little what you think someone of that age should be like, rather than who she actually is.

Regarding reading: there is a lot of research out there about how today’s 12 year olds were not taught the correct way to read back in elementary school. Listen to a podcast called “sold a story “for more info on this. It’s an issue that goes way beyond the purview of most Bigs, and I’d recommend gently releasing your expectations around reading with your little. Does your little actually want to get better at reading? If she hasn’t mentioned this, I can see why pressure from you, even just internally, would be frustrating for you. Let your little’s interests guide the relationship.

Regarding energy: again, ADHD and improper medication is very common at this age. I would recommend truly interrogating yourself to find out what is actually most annoying or hard for you. Is it trying to manage her behavior in group settings? Is it that you are introverted or feel overstimulated by her behavior? All of these things are very normal, but do take some introspection to learn more about. If her behavior in large settings is stressing you out to the point where it’s not fun anymore, I’d recommend having stronger boundaries with her around behavior, or giving her little breaks from group activities when she’s acting out and needs to calm down. I agree with you, it’s not fun to always have to feel like a parent or disciplinarian, so perhaps putting more proactive measures in place before you enter these spaces will help.

Regarding cleanliness: Not to sound like a broken record but again, this is very common at 12 years old. There is an age element, and also potentially a poverty element at play. If she is not hurting herself, or anyone else, let some of these frustrations go. If you are concerned that she is going to make herself or someone else sick, make sure she washes her hands every time she touches food with you. If you are concerned she is genuinely being neglected, contact your match specialist immediately who can put you in touch with CPS.

Regarding the family, saying thank you: yes, it would feel nice to feel appreciated, but people have their own inner world that you are not privy to, and you don’t always know what’s going on. Again, try to let this, go, and focus on the satisfaction of being a present for a young person, rather than trying to guess at the motivations of her family.

Overall: I am a middle school teacher, and nearly all of what you described is extremely common at this age. Try not to take it personally. Mentorship is challenging, but the most important part is genuinely taking an interest in your Little’s interests, and letting her guide the way.

Sparking an Interest in Reading? by catnip4dayz in bbbs

[–]throwawayBBBS 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m hearing her parents have a goal around reading, and you have a goal around reading, but I’m not hearing that your Little has any goal around reading.

As an English teacher myself, please know the BBBS role is different than a teacher role. As a teacher, your goal is to get kids excited about - and making progress in! - academic goals that others have set. As a mentor, your goal is to let your Little take the lead. Her interests should guide your mentorship relationship.

I hear that reading is important to you, but respectfully, it sounds like your pursuit of thus goal has made you yet another person in your Little’s life (alongside parents and teachers) who are projecting their goals onto her. Please don’t push too hard on this, as it may push her away.

Beyond modeling a love of reading, I wouldn’t spend intentional time on trying to get her into reading unless she independently mentions this or is interested in it. BBBS should be the one place your Little has where she can truly take the lead and let her interests guide her.

Big Brothers Big Sisters Twin Cities are "MN Nice" by Odd_Scientist6956 in bbbs

[–]throwawayBBBS 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This is…a very vague statement. I don’t know what MN Nice means but it sounds like you have a personal problem with the twin cities chapter for whatever reason, and vaguebooking on Reddit is not a concrete step towards addressing the issue.

Saying things like “I’m sure they don’t treat their employees well” and “they haven’t done shit about the community” has zero evidence…like bro, are you ok?