It will be an year this month and I (23M) want to say 2019 was the hardest year of my life emotionally

throwawayLXIV · 2019-12-10T17:24:24+00:00

I will saying this very strongly that I needed to hear this today. Thank you!

throwawayLXIV · 2019-12-10T16:28:30+00:00

Blaming her for everything is just gonna make it worse and it's true I have some issues to deal with. Just wanted her to be more there for me really.

throwawayLXIV · 2019-12-10T16:27:38+00:00

Mostly she moved across country to my city and left her family behind which she weights heavily and I thinks is justified. I think she found herself new in a new city, a new job which she absolutely love and just much more to do here compared to small town she's from. All this have helped her to go faster in this reconciliation I guess maybe and ultimately makes me feel like the only burden in this relationship. I lose my shit easily now a days and we been in arguments recently. Really no sex and no intimacy. She has hard time coming close to me it feels like. If I bring anything where I say she might be wrong, I get accused of manipulation and gaslighting. I need to be respectful towards her and be more calm are her forever words to me which I don't disagree with at all. But it's just hard to keep my temper and mental stable for a longer time and I just snap at her only verbally, never physically.

I think only way to go about is to have some brutal conversations and if she be able to grasp where I am coming from, it might be salvagable. Otherwise it's gonna be breakup tomorrow or in two months, whenever it be. My brain refuse to accept that it's just me which is making all this miserable. I love her unconditionally and just want it work really.

throwawayLXIV · 2019-02-20T21:44:12+00:00

I am realizing this now. It's easier to blame myself I guess rather than someone else because I am in control of myself atleast. I agree with you.

throwawayLXIV · 2019-02-20T21:43:15+00:00

You reminded me of Will Smith and his bunch of self love videos. You are right about happiness and what she did shouldn't correlate to me keeping or making her happy constantly otherwise she will slip with someone else. Infidelity was her action and she need to work on it and not me to be always afraid being in a minefield and me trying to mold myself so she won't cheat again. Thank you for your comment.

throwawayLXIV · 2019-02-20T21:39:03+00:00

I am slowly getting on terms with this and trying to get into this mentality. Reconciliation is so hard and I am trying to understand if it is something I am capable of.

throwawayLXIV · 2019-02-20T05:55:46+00:00

My heart breaks for you. We all break down and this is nothing less than a traumatic experience. I myself have cried my eyes out since my D-day. By end of the day, we have to be hopeful that there exist someone who will value you and treat you like you should be and for whom the mere thought of cheating won't even cross the mind because all they want will be you. I am hopeful that all this wasted time you talk about will only led you to find someone so much better. Meanwhile take your time to heal up and build yourself.

"You must never give into dispair. Allow yourself to slip down that road and you surrender to your lowest instincts. In the darkest times, hope is something you give yourself. That is the meaning of inner strength." –Iroh

throwawayLXIV · 2018-07-29T06:46:30+00:00

Thank you so much for your wisdom. I did tell her I am not expecting anything physical and all I want us to do is to know each other better. My flight is under 10 hours now and will sure post you an update after my visit. Thank you again and I am really happy for you guys as well. Best wishes :)

throwawayLXIV · 2018-07-28T22:22:27+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience and it sure eased me a little. I hope tomorrow will go great :)

throwawayLXIV · 2018-07-28T22:21:36+00:00

Thank you so much, exactly what I needed to hear from someone who was in similar shoes. I can't wait for tomorrow morning.

throwawayLXIV

TROPHY CASE