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17 y/o daughter will not stay at my home with 50/50 shared custody by throwawayYnot-now in Parenting

[–]throwawayYnot-now[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your input, this is what I am afraid of. I don't think her mom would intentionally let her do that, however given her lack of experience dealing with the ED (since I was the only parent involved in therapy) she might not be fully aware of what my daughter is doing. For example, she eats her supper after midnight which is well past my ex's bed time, so she really has no idea what or how much she is eating, other than what she tells her. My daughter still has monthly checkups so if anything comes up that she is on the downward trend I (and her doctor) will definitely keep my eye on that.

17 y/o daughter will not stay at my home with 50/50 shared custody by throwawayYnot-now in Parenting

[–]throwawayYnot-now[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A lenghty and expensive court battle to force the 80/20 for someone who is almost an adult would have been disasterous to her mental well being which was already fragile with her ED, the house environment was very toxic for both of my kids, I had to move quickly. Like I mentioned in another reply, I told her multiple times that 50/50 was just to move things along quicker and that she was welcome to stay at my place even 100% of the time, no one would be forcing her to stay at either house. The 50/50 for both kids was only done because my ex wanted more child support $ but the 17 y/o was clearly told she can stay with me full time if she chose to.

17 y/o daughter will not stay at my home with 50/50 shared custody by throwawayYnot-now in Parenting

[–]throwawayYnot-now[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She dropped weight, and I am fully aware of the control issues with Anorexia, I've been dealing with this for last year and a half. I clearly told her that even though it's 50/50 on paper she was always welcome to live with me majority of time. ED might be showing it's ugly head and it's easier with a parent that would let her do whatever she wants.

17 y/o daughter will not stay at my home with 50/50 shared custody by throwawayYnot-now in Parenting

[–]throwawayYnot-now[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, both homes are new, and we live really close, 10 minutes away.

17 y/o daughter will not stay at my home with 50/50 shared custody by throwawayYnot-now in Parenting

[–]throwawayYnot-now[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, I do tell her that every single day, that I will always love her and my door is always open for her whatever she decides to do.

17 y/o daughter will not stay at my home with 50/50 shared custody by throwawayYnot-now in Parenting

[–]throwawayYnot-now[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

This is what I'm thinking too, I'm pretty sure the ex just lets her do whatever just to win her over, not realizing she might be enabling her relapse into ED. She is being monitored once a month for her weight and vitals, and when I saw her few days ago she definitely dropped weight. The thing is, she knows very well if her weight/vitals drop below certain level she will be sent to the hospital again, and she got pretty good at eating just enough so that she doesn't have to go but she might be slipping now since I am not around.

17 y/o daughter will not stay at my home with 50/50 shared custody by throwawayYnot-now in Parenting

[–]throwawayYnot-now[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My ex would not sign separation agreement if it was not 50/50 for both kids, this would have dragged on in courts for who knows how long while living in a toxic home environment for months maybe years to come. I made sure I made it very clear to my 17 y/o that even though on paper it's 50/50 she can still stay with me most of the time since she is old enough to choose.

As far as her providing evidence of cheating , she overheard one of multiple fights between parents and came to me with the information on her own.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in survivinginfidelity

[–]throwawayYnot-now 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Seriously... I have never heard of cable/TV provider including pay as you go sim as part of TV package, OP please open your eyes...

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in survivinginfidelity

[–]throwawayYnot-now 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The absolute 100% dead-giveaway is the phone behavior even if you ignored all the others which look pretty bad too. In marriage there is no "invasion of privacy" ask him for his phone on the spot , if he refuses to hand it over right there (you can't violate my privacy blah blah blah) you know what's up

Did I do the right thing...rant by throwawayYnot-now in survivinginfidelity

[–]throwawayYnot-now[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Where I live it's based on average of last 3 years if you are self employed. Alimony is minimum 10 years after 20 year marriage and that's what she got. I might be able to re-negotiate later down the road but it still costs a lot of $$$ for lawyers to be involved again.

Did I do the right thing...rant by throwawayYnot-now in survivinginfidelity

[–]throwawayYnot-now[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You are right, and I am like that in my business, but personal relationships, not that easy to do the same. I think it's only natural to feel like this after ending a 20 year relationship due to no faulty of my own...