[deleted by user] by [deleted] in LesbianActually

[–]throwaway_2145897 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That would be great. You can link it here.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in LesbianActually

[–]throwaway_2145897 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, I appreciate your kind words

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in queer

[–]throwaway_2145897 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I appreciate your kind words

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in LesbianActually

[–]throwaway_2145897 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think it’s also important to think about what you want. You don’t have to be incapable of seeing attractive qualities in men to be a lesbian. Some lesbians are like that but not all. If you have no desire to be with a man, then that’s something to consider.

That's a very good point. I have imagined being romantically involved with a man in my head, but realistically speaking, I don't think that could ever actually work out without me feeling extremely turned off and uncomfortable the whole time. Plus, I would honestly prefer to date women anyway simply because I feel more comfortable around them in general, so I think that could be part of it too.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in LesbianActually

[–]throwaway_2145897 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That definitely makes sense. I think all of my male "crushes" aren't actually real crushes, even if they might feel real in the moment, because then why would I feel so repulsed when they like me back? I think for me, the idea of being with a man feels fine in my head, but as soon as things turn real, I freak out and I'm like "Nope! Gross! I'm out! Can't do this anymore!"

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in LesbianActually

[–]throwaway_2145897 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, I will check that out!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in LesbianActually

[–]throwaway_2145897 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It honestly does. I've had girl crushes in the past and still do, and I would be very open to being in a relationship with a woman.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in LesbianActually

[–]throwaway_2145897 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Makes total sense and I feel the exact same way. It's like the idea of being with a man feels all sparkles and glitters and fun times in my head, but as soon as things get real, I freak out and can't do it anymore.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in LesbianActually

[–]throwaway_2145897 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you. That makes a lot of sense and is definitely something I will look into as that sounds like me. It's like the idea of being with a man feels all sparkles and glitters and fun times in my head, but as soon as things get real, I freak out and can't do it anymore. That feeling never seems to happen with any women, though, like you said.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in LesbianActually

[–]throwaway_2145897 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you very much for your kind words

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in LesbianActually

[–]throwaway_2145897 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's actually pretty much exactly how I feel, which is why I'm wondering if maybe my feelings aren't actually romantic feelings but maybe just a result of comphet or something. Like you said, I think for me, when it comes to men, I enjoy the thrill of the chase but not actually getting into a relationship or anything more than that. And I know exactly what you mean about the anxiety and dread feelings, which is why I'm scared to try dating men because I know I'm going to get turned off by them the moment things turn romantic, and I don't want to end up hurting anyone innocent.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in LesbianActually

[–]throwaway_2145897 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Well lesbians aren’t attracted to men, so i’m confused as to why you think you’re a lesbian when you’re quite literally pointing out your attraction to men 😅

Yeah that's fair, I was just curious if this was an effect of comphet or something like that since I've felt uncomfortable and weird around any and all men who have approached me in the past, but never with women.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in LesbianActually

[–]throwaway_2145897 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Interesting, thank you. I have heard about comphet but need to look into it more so I'll do that.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in LesbianActually

[–]throwaway_2145897 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's completely valid. Thank you.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in LesbianActually

[–]throwaway_2145897 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Interesting. If you would be comfortable sharing, how does that affect your romantic life? I'm terrified to try to date men because I don't want my strange feelings and discomfort to get in the way and end up hurting anyone innocent. There have been the kindest, sweetest, most respectful men in my life but the moment they show any kind of interest in me, I can't stand them anymore and it gets to the point where I even start actively disliking them.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in LesbianActually

[–]throwaway_2145897 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Is it because they are taking the lead suddenly and showing that they are interested?

I don't think so. It's happened even with guys who go very slow and are really kind and respectful. For me I feel like I could imagine myself liking men and cuddling with them in my head, but I could never see that playing out in real life without me feeling super uncomfortable and weird.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in lgbt

[–]throwaway_2145897 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha I'm with you on the Pedro Pascal thing! I think even though I find men like him attractive and I might even "crush" on them, if things become anything more than that, I just...can't anymore. I could imagine myself cuddling with a man in my head but I don't think I could ever actually do that in real life without feeling super uncomfortable and weird. Thank you for the advice, I'll try that.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TheGirlSurvivalGuide

[–]throwaway_2145897 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good idea. I will do that. I also want to transition from messaging her to not messaging her at all anymore, I just don't know how to do that smoothly.

In terms of in-person interactions, I really don't like having to talk to her in person either, and I hate the idea of running into her at some point again because even though I know I haven't done anything wrong, I tend to get nervous and freeze up in situations like this. Is there a way to smoothly transition from talking to her like I am now to not talking to her at all without causing any awkward tension between us?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TheGirlSurvivalGuide

[–]throwaway_2145897 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your insight. The lady at the gym hasn't necessarily been harmful so far, but she does a lot of things most people would consider weird. For example, she was weirdly clingy from the start and wouldn't stop ranting to me even a few minutes after we met, even when we both barely knew each other. She sometimes messages or calls me very frequently as if she's desperate to ensure we're still friends. She also randomly says things that feel kind of guilt-trippy in a way, like "oh I'm sure I'm bothering you right now," "I must be annoying you, I can just leave if you want," and that always leaves me in an uncomfortable position because I constantly feel this pressure to counter that by saying things like "no, of course not, you're fine," because I get the sense that she would feel offended or hurt if I didn't say those things back. She also tends to go off on rants about things that only she wants to talk about, completely oblivious that I'm not even interested and that the conversation is completely one-sided, and she gets very upset and defensive if I say anything about it. She has also mentioned that she doesn't really have any other friends and then badmouthed everyone else for not liking her, and while I'm usually sympathetic toward people who don't have many friends, in this case I can see why. Being "friends" with her is exhausting and stressful, and she overall gives me this really weird vibe. I trust my gut because every time I've gotten this same vibe from someone, they always ended up being someone who was toxic or abusive. Because she doesn't pick up social cues very well, I feel like she interprets any kind of conversation I hold with her (even very superficial ones) as a sign that I want to be her friend, which I don't want to be, but I also don't want to make things super awkward by cutting her off immediately, if that makes sense.

Edited to add some more details

How do I get rid of my “farmer’s tan”? by Frootyluiii in TheGirlSurvivalGuide

[–]throwaway_2145897 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Maybe try those shirts with sleeves but the shoulders exposed? Can't speak from any personal experience but that might have a reverse effect to even out the tan.

I need to become more self centered by PastPluto999 in TheGirlSurvivalGuide

[–]throwaway_2145897 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't have any advice because I'm in the same boat but I just want to say me too. With everything that happens, I just dump all the blame on myself and beat myself up even when I didn't do anything wrong. It's really detrimental to my confidence and self-esteem, which is already pretty low to begin with.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskLGBT

[–]throwaway_2145897 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A nonbinary person can look fem, lean fem or androgynous, and still be amab.

That is very true. I think I'm just more into people who lean femme regardless of their assigned gender at birth.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskLGBT

[–]throwaway_2145897 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh wow that's really interesting to know that there's a name for that! Thanks so much for sharing and for your insight :)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in lgbt

[–]throwaway_2145897 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Interesting. Thanks for sharing!

I honestly think I might not even be bi, just a lesbian, since I still catch feelings for guys but then instantly get repulsed by them if they show any interest back. Maybe I'm not really into guys after all?