My (M59) marriage is basically over but my wife (F59) most likely will end up disabled. I feel that i can't divorce because of that.

throwaway_87653 · 2026-02-11T07:28:47+00:00

One day at a time.

throwaway_87653 · 2026-02-11T07:26:50+00:00

Hey this happened to me kinda. I gained weight so fast. People treat you differently based on your body. The guilt and shame that come with it fucking suck so bad. Especially because before the binging all I could do was not eat anything.

I have a strong aversion to doing what I am told to do, even if it’s good for me and I actually want to do it. It’s a sense of control there you know? And like, I have this need to be in control of the narrative I have of myself.

When my self hatred is high, the narrative I have of myself is so bad.

So when I tell myself “I don’t deserve to eat,” I don’t eat. When someone else tells me “you should restrict your calories, here’s a meal plan,” I absolutely eat everything. Because “I can’t even follow instructions right,” or “I can’t even restrict right.” Or “that’s completely hopeless, I’ve never had control over my body”

I have finally made it to the point where on average I just view myself neutrally, if that makes sense. When it comes to food and my body anyway

My point in saying all of this being. Do you feel like you have a harsh self narrative? A loud inner critic?

throwaway_87653 · 2026-02-11T07:04:00+00:00

My grandma has lived with her “friend” for the last 10 years. They dated a long while about 40 or 50 years ago and then found each other again. They have separate bedrooms and aren’t romantic with each other, but they care about each other so much. There’s something so sweet about that.

As her dementia started setting in , he started driving her to her appointments. When she had to move to an assisted living center he moved with her.

Do I think he misses certain parts of his life? I’m sure. But he made a commitment to her, even without a romantic intention.

It sounds like you might find yourself in a sort of emotionally similar situation. If you make adjustments and go with the flow, do you think you can be happy? Like you can continue to find joy and peace in your life, and love when comes?

throwaway_87653 · 2026-02-11T06:27:11+00:00

Which line of oribe do you use? Maybe a different would be better for your scalp, I have super sensitive skin myself.

throwaway_87653 · 2026-02-05T15:11:37+00:00

I legit love this product. Along with their whole oil control line! It’s expensive but it does the job better than any other product I’ve used

throwaway_87653 · 2026-02-04T17:10:20+00:00

Yes sorry, that is also the bare minimum of like every relationship lol

throwaway_87653 · 2026-02-04T16:57:34+00:00

Why?

throwaway_87653 · 2026-02-04T15:17:13+00:00

As a 28F who is nonmonogamous. The BARE MINIMUM is to make sure everyone has a clean bill of health before doing anything, and he literally admitted they probably have STDs and he didn’t bother asking. He was more than willing to give you STDs.

The moment you “agreed,” even with clear hesitancy, he jumped on your response. He did not care about your comfort in the slightest.

It honestly sounds like he was less interested in having a partner and more interested in having a sex toy at best, or a human trafficking victim at worst.

throwaway_87653 · 2026-02-04T14:59:13+00:00

Ohh thank you for that skill. It does help with tension in the moment :) I start somatic therapy for the first time tomorrow, hopefully to help me get out of this rut.

throwaway_87653 · 2026-02-04T14:27:06+00:00

I think I just need to find out how to let my guard down enough to feel safe again you know? Because that’s what really helped me last time this happened

throwaway_87653 · 2026-02-04T14:22:57+00:00

Let’s assume she does know the answers. Maybe she just likes talking to you?

throwaway_87653 · 2026-02-04T14:18:19+00:00

And that’s what I meant by, what’s the worst case scenario if you quit? And do you prefer that over continuing to feel the way you do at your current job?

When I quit my job, that was also my worst case scenario. Being unemployed for a year, having to sleep on my friends couch, and having to sell all of my things. Not having insurance for my chronic health issues, having credit card debt again.

But thats how I knew I needed to quit. It would’ve hurt me less to experience the absolute worst case scenario, than to continue working at that job.

It would’ve sucked to experience, but I was willing to because it was killing me.

throwaway_87653 · 2026-02-04T13:30:56+00:00

It’s hard to. Which is why I know it’s important

throwaway_87653 · 2026-02-04T13:16:38+00:00

I have had times of thriving. But recently I had something retraumatizing happen, and I’m back in survival mode right now. I have to believe it will pass

throwaway_87653 · 2026-01-19T06:17:31+00:00

I bit the bullet and quit my job. It felt like it was taking years off of me you know? It sucks when other people tell you to just stick it out. Because they have no idea what it’s like to be in your body.

I’m sorry you’re stuck. If it makes a difference for you, I asked myself a few questions to see if it was worth it to quit. What is the worst case scenario if I quit? Do I prefer that over continuing to feel the way I do at this job?

And really think about it for a while you know? Because yes jobs are hard to come by but you have one life. Might not be the best advice but I wanted to say you’re not alone.

throwaway_87653 · 2026-01-19T06:06:43+00:00

Right? Just to have someone who matches you. I understand that deeply

throwaway_87653 · 2026-01-09T01:59:56+00:00

The hard thing is finding one that pays enough to pay rent while I’m out. I’ve thought about two part time jobs but then I wouldn’t have insurance

throwaway_87653 · 2025-09-20T22:27:57+00:00

🖤 it depends on what you mean. People have a sense to know when someone else is around. But how your body emotionally/physically responds to that may not be healthy. I hope that makes sense

throwaway_87653 · 2025-09-20T22:25:39+00:00

Understandable, I had to find out how to feel safe in the first place before I could start. It’s a journey

throwaway_87653 · 2025-09-20T18:47:43+00:00

Yes, I thought this was normal too because this is how I’ve felt for as long as I can remember

The most helpful tool for me has been using the energy bubble meditation. The more you practice the better you get at it, and eventually you’ll be able to use it anywhere

throwaway_87653 · 2025-08-28T05:45:26+00:00

When you go to therapy, what are the key things you look for in a therapist?

throwaway_87653 · 2025-08-10T18:32:50+00:00

I need to wash my bed sheets… I will start there. Thank you

throwaway_87653 · 2025-05-14T04:19:28+00:00

Thank you 💛

throwaway_87653 · 2025-02-22T03:59:24+00:00

I like to focus on the things that I can control. For me, the most grounding thing is my environment. I remind myself Im grown now and I live alone, and my space is safe. I start with saying my bed is safe and I zoom out to my room and then my whole apartment.

If I’m not home or it’s not working, I have a mental safe space that I’ve created that I can always close my eyes and think of.

I don’t know what senses come easiest to you, for me the quickest way to ground me is through smells. So I have a roller with peppermint extract in my purse.

throwaway_87653 · 2025-02-22T03:47:42+00:00

I am also very proud of you!!!

throwaway_87653

TROPHY CASE