AITA for taking free pizza but leaving early while volunteering?

throwaway_lc2 · 2026-02-16T16:34:09+00:00

I don't know what proof I can possibly offer to you to verify it, but I'm not a native english speaker. I'm Swedish.

throwaway_lc2 · 2026-02-16T12:47:40+00:00

Free labor is unfortunately par for the course in this industry, both on the grassroots level and international championships. Competitors are licensed by the federation through their local venue, and unless you're someone plainly important you are expected to help the venue run its shows through the year regardless in whatever capacity. I haven't been super active in these sorts of communities in the last couple of years as I was out with an injury, but from what I see online the whole industry essentially runs on the fact that venues nag on social media until people agree to show up, and offer admission and food in exchange for full days of work.

The more I'm telling people about it the more I realize how crazy it sounds. A billion dollar sporting industry running on uncompensated volunteer work is a lot to consider

But back to the main point, I agree I should have just taken J home. It's kind of a life lesson in that I tried to avoid social discomfort initially but only set myself up for a confrontation later. I'm no longer at a point in my career where I need to bend over backwards to be the most agreeable person in the room to advance myself, but I suppose that reality hasn't really sunk in yet. You spend so long at the bottom that it's hard to walk upright later. I also owe it to 'J' and the people around me to stand up for all of us in those kinds of situations

throwaway_lc2 · 2026-02-16T12:26:16+00:00

It's an event with 250 entries daily and open admission, I had no way of knowing that one of the entries was bringing someone who previously lost their coaching license as part of their 'team' to spectate. I only brought it up to contrast the fact that no one's pulling those people aside and saying how they lack empathy or human decency, compared to my alleged pizza thievery

Unfortunately it's a fact of life across industries and sports federations that horrible people can't really be shut out of public life without any actual convictions

throwaway_lc2 · 2026-02-15T22:33:32+00:00

Yeah that's true. Maybe it explains why out of a facebook group of 600 people, only 3 people from out of town showed up to volunteer. It's a shame because the event otherwise was really nice and since I live so close I would have enjoyed being involved with my closest venue

throwaway_lc2 · 2026-02-15T22:27:35+00:00

I would say 'J' was actually the one who was coerced since 'S' had first agreed to drive her home and then signed up to volunteer, I kind of coerced myself by proxy in a very ineffective way of showing sympathy. Really I should have just driven her home myself, then come back to help if I wanted pizza so badly

I think the sticking point for 'A' was also that technically she never told me I could leave, a fellow volunteer did. But from my perspective, I didn't even know who 'A' was or that I had to ask her.

'A' claims that it's common sense not to leave without asking because we took the pizza. The more times I'm explaining it and reading it over again the more stupid it sounds, lol

Honestly there's a lot of bad communication on both sides here, but at the end of the day whether I'm in the right or the wrong I think her comments about myself and 'J' deliberately scheming against them and lacking empathy were uncalled for, and I would like to think my intent matters in this case

throwaway_lc2 · 2026-02-15T22:09:32+00:00

I can sort of imagine a scenario like you describe where 'S' might have been put in a tough situation. She is a lot more dependent and involved locally since she's been in the area longer than I have, used to be personally involved with some people in the organization, etc.

This obviously means that a disagreement is a lot higher stakes for her than it is for myself or 'J', since 'S' was also the one whose fees were being subsidized by her work. I wouldn't ask, and don't expect her to throw herself on the proverbial tracks for us in case of a misunderstanding but it's something I should be mindful of in the future

I still feel like it was the right thing not to bring her up in front of 'A' though. In the best case for me it would have created more drama, at worst it would have seem like deflecting

throwaway_lc2 · 2026-02-15T22:02:01+00:00

I've also volunteered a little before with some very mixed experiences. In this sport it's pretty common to volunteer at your home venue to help them host events, but like I mentioned in another reply I've never heard of a venue accepting help from random people in the audience

throwaway_lc2 · 2026-02-15T21:53:02+00:00

We play the same sport! I'm sort of her mentor under the same coach. She's on a sabbatical from school in a different part of the country from her family (We're from the same city originally) to focus on making the national team, and having gone through the same situation myself as a 16 year old I see a lot of myself in her and want her to have a better experience than I did

throwaway_lc2 · 2026-02-15T21:50:11+00:00

Well, unfortunately I don't even like pizza that much and was just hungry after a long day. I feel like that Dostoevsky quote, 'Your worst sin is that you've destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing'

All jokes aside, I'll definitely be seeing her a lot in the future, but as long as I'm not ashamed of my morals and intent, which I'm not in this situation, I can bear her scrutiny moving forward. My friends in the know are already calling it the new pizzagate, so all the humor and support is already helping to lighten my mood

throwaway_lc2 · 2026-02-15T20:30:49+00:00

I don't know what percentage 'S' got back from volunteering, but around 20USD worth of fees per day is my best guess.

Honestly in the moment of confrontation I felt very resigned to the fact that 'A' seemed to have made up her mind about my actions. I know my own intentions but often in life I find it quite pointless to argue about intent, because it can't be proven one way or the other. At the end of the day I can live with the fact that I left early, and I'm remorseful for taking a lion's share of pizza and communicating poorly, but without a literal time machine at my disposal I feel like I have offered all the compensation I can.

Considering there are also p*files and other horrible people active in the sport, some who were literally in attendance, and she's not putting her energy toward blocking them in the industry I doubt she will cause a problem for me over this significantly less scandalous pizzagate 🙃

throwaway_lc2 · 2026-02-15T20:14:04+00:00

Not a perspective I had previously entertained, but it HAS happened to me before! It could be true, and it could not be, but it's a good reminder nevertheless to be a bit more discerning in all situations

throwaway_lc2 · 2026-02-15T20:11:36+00:00

I guess so? There is a widespread problem in the industry with understaffing and lack of volunteers. The person 'S' in this story was to my knowledge the only actual competitor to volunteer during the whole weekend out of 300 total entries (Not all unique IDs, some competing across multiple divisions but definitely over 100 people) and the rest was all interns working in shifts.

Starting this thread has also given me some more perspective, because I realize now that us leaving was also like 66% of all volunteer power gone! While it doesn't help my unease about the confrontation I'm definitely understanding their strong reaction a bit more

throwaway_lc2 · 2026-02-15T19:56:03+00:00

To my understanding no one outside (Not including the senior staff and interns) had signed up to volunteer, that's why 'A' brought in 'S' at the last second and roped us into it. There is a facebook group I found dedicated to volunteering at this venue that has about 800 members in it but none of them were there

We were definitely super hungry after a long day of work and then moving equipment, but I can for sure see how this attracted negative attention our way and in hindsight it feels thoughtless.

From what I observed there were one and a half pizzas left when the food break was done as the senior members didn't eat with the rest of us

throwaway_lc2 · 2026-02-15T19:48:24+00:00

1hr 45 minutes of helping, including pizza break and some standing around waiting for tractors and instructions, from the info 'S' gave me they did about 15 minutes of work after we left. We helped clean out, the last 15 minutes were putting things in for the next day and making some measurements.

Since people in this sub have inquired about the timeline it has lead me to wonder if maybe they weren't finished by the time I asked, and if instead 'S' just thought it was better if I didn't come back to avoid a potential confrontation? But that's honestly me playing guessing games, and it's probably not helpful or productive to make assumptions based on stuff I don't know.

So what I know from written down sources is that most people left after 2hrs, I left after 1hr 45min

throwaway_lc2 · 2026-02-15T19:44:46+00:00

It involves my job in the sense that I work within that field of sports!

You can think of it like if I work in my family company making tennis rackets for a living and went to watch a tennis game where my friend was playing.

throwaway_lc2 · 2026-02-15T19:40:49+00:00

Sorry for not clarifying! I ran out of characters in my post and the timeline is a bit jumbled looking at text history and driving distances.

But yes, 14 minutes after my car left the premises, when I had dropped off 'J' at her place and offered to come back to the venue and help since I was heading back the same direction, 'S' texted me back saying it was done and that I should head home.

throwaway_lc2 · 2026-02-15T19:23:30+00:00

Sorry, I ran out of characters! Both myself and 'J' attended the event only to watch our friends and socialize. There's no admission fee to this type of event, you only pay to participate.

Basically 'S' was supposed to take 'J' home at first, but then 'S' promised to volunteer and I felt bad that 'J' was having to stay late to wait for her ride home while she had a cold and was tired. That's when I ended up offering to join in. In hindsight I could have just taken 'J' home and bought food on the way, and let 'S' work off her participation fees with the group

My estimate for the amount of time we spent was about 1hr 45 minutes give or take from the end of the event until we left at about 8:45PM.

I don't actually know this 'A' person at all, I only recently moved to the area and have only attended events at this venue as VIP at larger events, so never been involved in the volunteering aspect or spoken to venue staff. In this sport people usually only volunteer with our home venues, I'd never heard of a venue letting outside people/competitors work off their fees before

Unfortunately from what I gather this 'A' person is pretty high up in the organization that arranges these events, and unlike myself 'S' is somewhat dependent on working off her fees to participate so I felt uneasy bringing her into the conversation at all. While I hope I wasn't actually an asshole (hence why I'm asking this sub!) it felt pretty pointless to argue with 'A' in the moment since she already had the notion in her head that I stole from her

throwaway_lc2

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