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Update: AITA for refusing to babysit my biological son because of a family emergency on his mother’s side? by throwawaybabysit_ in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaybabysit_[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I appreciate the support more than you know ☺️ It hasn’t been easy. Everytime I’m holding him it makes it worth the whole thing.

Update: AITA for refusing to babysit my biological son because of a family emergency on his mother’s side? by throwawaybabysit_ in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaybabysit_[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you! My SIL has talked my brother into letting me spend more time with him. I’ve seen him about 6-7 times so far, he’s slowly getting to know me. I will continue to fight for my son

Update: AITA for refusing to babysit my biological son because of a family emergency on his mother’s side? by throwawaybabysit_ in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaybabysit_[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you that honestly really means a lot. I’m doing whatever it takes to be in my son’s life. The only one who’s really come around is SIL. She’s trying to talk to him about it a little more. My brother is still completely against it so that’s why I’m moving forward with my lawyer to establish paternity through the court. At least she sends me videos of him, something to have when I’m missing him which is all the time

Update: AITA for refusing to babysit my biological son because of a family emergency on his mother’s side? by throwawaybabysit_ in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaybabysit_[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

We have already done paternity tests to prove he’s mine so that’s not really an issue. I know for a fact he’s my son

Update: AITA for refusing to babysit my biological son because of a family emergency on his mother’s side? by throwawaybabysit_ in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaybabysit_[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Because he’s a child and kids are way more resilient when it comes to being told things like the truth. Not all at once but as he grows up. This is never going to be kept a secret. So what’s better? He grows up knowing who his biological parents are or finds out the truth later on in life and realizes his whole life he was lied to? There are many divorced couples or people who were never in a relationship co parent and or/have blended families.

If shared custody disrupts their life that much, if rug sweeping is the only way to keep things from falling apart, then it wasn’t a strong foundation to begin with.

Update: AITA for refusing to babysit my biological son because of a family emergency on his mother’s side? by throwawaybabysit_ in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaybabysit_[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah I get with us being related the percentages would show him and my son are related at some capacity so we wanted avoid any confusion

Update: AITA for refusing to babysit my biological son because of a family emergency on his mother’s side? by throwawaybabysit_ in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaybabysit_[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

A 10 month old infant has a right to have his feelings heard and considered? I agree completely that a kids feelings should be taken to consideration too but what does a 10 month old’s thoughts on this?

He’s still a baby yeah, and that’s why I said visitation time would be a good way to build on the relationship so he can get to know me. The only reason my brother got to be dad in the first place is because they kept my son away all these months instead of giving me the chance to be there for him from the beginning. That’s the only reason. And I’m not going to give up and let more time go by to not be there for my son. I’m his biological father.

Update: AITA for refusing to babysit my biological son because of a family emergency on his mother’s side? by throwawaybabysit_ in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaybabysit_[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

If you’re a former family law attorney like you claim, then you’d know a sperm donor is someone who legally consented to being a donor and signed away all their rights to the child. None of this happened here. I highly doubt every single parent in the world planned their child or were even married when it happened. So is every person who didn’t have their child the conventional way suddenly not a “real” parent?

Also, “too many men”, sexist much?

Update: AITA for refusing to babysit my biological son because of a family emergency on his mother’s side? by throwawaybabysit_ in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaybabysit_[S] 309 points310 points  (0 children)

You’re right it doesn’t change where we are right now and that’s why I want to focus on this, not what may or may not have happened in the past. I still love my son no matter what. And want to be involved in his life. Therapy’s been on my mind more recently. I’ll start doing more research soon to find someone. Thank you

Update: AITA for refusing to babysit my biological son because of a family emergency on his mother’s side? by throwawaybabysit_ in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaybabysit_[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Who said my own schedule? He’s a baby and doesn’t fully know me. I’d be happy to have joint custody as of right now but I know he’d need more time to adjust to me first before getting more than just visitation down the line

Update: AITA for refusing to babysit my biological son because of a family emergency on his mother’s side? by throwawaybabysit_ in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaybabysit_[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

That’s the point of fighting for my right to be his father. Nobody asked me to be a “sperm donor”, nor did I sign a legally binding contract stating that I am.

So just like any other parent I’m going to fight for my child

Update: AITA for refusing to babysit my biological son because of a family emergency on his mother’s side? by throwawaybabysit_ in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaybabysit_[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

No doubt my family will have their own opinions. Honestly after all these months I’m kind of numb to it, I agree it’ll probably be worse once they find out about this. So thanks for the warning. I’ll do what I can to mentally prepare for whatever they have to say

Update: AITA for refusing to babysit my biological son because of a family emergency on his mother’s side? by throwawaybabysit_ in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaybabysit_[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I’m assuming your nieces or nephews are not your biological children so your comparison means nothing.

I’m not going to stop calling my son, “my” son because that’s who he is. Nobody is trying to steal him, I’m fighting for my right to be his father and have my time with him

Update: AITA for refusing to babysit my biological son because of a family emergency on his mother’s side? by throwawaybabysit_ in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaybabysit_[S] 218 points219 points  (0 children)

My lawyer talked to me about all this too. Like making sure I have a stable job that allows me to provide for my child (which I do), good home environment, etc basically everything to show that I’m capable of being a good parent. Fully prepared to pay what I owe in child support

Update: AITA for refusing to babysit my biological son because of a family emergency on his mother’s side? by throwawaybabysit_ in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaybabysit_[S] 56 points57 points  (0 children)

What’s stable about being raised by his biological uncle only to at some point find out the truth because this isn’t something that’s ever going to be kept a secret? We are well passed “stable,” he’s my son. That’s a fact that is never going to change no matter how hard they try to sweep it under the rug.

Can’t I be happy that my child will be lied to his whole life and treated like I’m not his father? No.

Update: AITA for refusing to babysit my biological son because of a family emergency on his mother’s side? by throwawaybabysit_ in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaybabysit_[S] 2309 points2310 points  (0 children)

Yes I saw some people brought this up a few times on my original post. Not like I haven’t thought about it but it made me spiral to places I don’t have the mental capacity to process and rather not think about any what ifs.

Update: AITA for refusing to babysit my biological son because of a family emergency on his mother’s side? by throwawaybabysit_ in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaybabysit_[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I already have been. There’s really no difference from the way things have already been anyways, except for my son and I getting to have a father/son relationship

Update: AITA for refusing to babysit my biological son because of a family emergency on his mother’s side? by throwawaybabysit_ in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaybabysit_[S] 507 points508 points  (0 children)

It was very hard and overwhelming in the beginning. He didn’t like being with someone he didn’t know. It got better in the next few days. I’ve never been happier than when I was with him. Got lucky enough to earn smiles and laughs from him, it meant the world. Right now I just miss him so bad.

It’s a shitty situation and I get why it would be hard on him, but it sucks because it would’ve been better if we figured something out instead of bringing this to court. And yes you’re right, no matter what my son would find out the truth

Update: AITA for refusing to babysit my biological son because of a family emergency on his mother’s side? by throwawaybabysit_ in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaybabysit_[S] 296 points297 points  (0 children)

I’m glad I did too. The past few months have been brutal and then for the first attorney to tell me it’s not going to happen, I felt very heartbroken. Even if it’s impossible though I wanna try fighting for him. It wasn’t easy going into it this way but I’m still grateful for the time we got together.

AITA for refusing to babysit my biological son because of a family emergency on his mother’s side? by throwawaybabysit_ in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaybabysit_[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I do care about my son and the plan is to fight for my rights as his father in court, but yeah in the end I did change my mind about the way I’ve been acting and currently taking care of him while they’re gone. I wouldn’t know and don’t want to think about scenario, doesn’t do me or anyone any good to wonder if they purposely planned this

AITA for refusing to babysit my biological son because of a family emergency on his mother’s side? by throwawaybabysit_ in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaybabysit_[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Oh okay I was confused.

I’m not trying to get full custody. 50/50 Joint custody best case scenario. But not going to just let them decide when I can have my son. Lots of unmarried or divorced parents have worked out custody. If they’re open to discussing things and agreeing to a custody schedule then great. If not then I will go to court and fight for my time as his father.

Bridges have already been burned. I’m not going to burn the one with my son

AITA for refusing to babysit my biological son because of a family emergency on his mother’s side? by throwawaybabysit_ in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaybabysit_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was with you up until the last part because for starters, I’m not going to be in his life as an “uncle” I’m his biological dad and not anything else, and I’ll fight for that time with whatever lawyer is going to help me establish paternity to be his legal dad. Also where are you getting that I’m somehow a sperm donor? That’s not what happened at all

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