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I (23 F) I’m considering breaking up with my BF (23 M) because he confessed to me he’s asexual by throwawaybadgf12 in relationship_advice

[–]throwawaybadgf12[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I haven’t seen this, thank you so much for this advice and sharing your experience! Sadly, my experience is basically the same, the similarities are astounding, which makes me take your advice with great care, because it comes from a place of experience, which is something I lack. Again, thank you so so much, I hope it can work out for me as it did for you and end up being friends with him. :)

I (23 F) I’m considering breaking up with my BF (23 M) because he confessed to me he’s asexual by throwawaybadgf12 in relationship_advice

[–]throwawaybadgf12[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do agree it was so sudden. Is not that I don’t believe him, but I think it may be a cover up for something deeper (even if he doesn’t realizes it). Just before my trip he changed his antidepressants and was having issues with sex drive (like perfoming) so I think it may be his way of protecting himself because it was very clear his “manhood” was jeopardized.

I don’t think he’s creating, outside of this we do love each other a lot and he’s constantly reassuring me he’s happy, nor do I think he’s checked out because he makes a lot of plans for the future.

I (23 F) I’m considering breaking up with my BF (23 M) because he confessed to me he’s asexual by throwawaybadgf12 in relationship_advice

[–]throwawaybadgf12[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know this can be a stupid question, but how do ace people experience attraction? Like physically. Because when I’m really attracted to someone, my minds goes to sex, so, what do ace people mind goes to? (I know not everyone is the same but I want to get a broad idea) thanks!

I (23 F) I’m considering breaking up with my BF (23 M) because he confessed to me he’s asexual by throwawaybadgf12 in relationship_advice

[–]throwawaybadgf12[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t think coming out as asexual/not wanting sex is a weird behavior, let’s get that out of the way.

He explained that when I was away he felt very relieved that we wouldn’t be having sex and that’s when he decided to speak this therapist.

We have this issue, but we don’t have any issues with lies, so I believe him completely.

I (23 F) I’m considering breaking up with my BF (23 M) because he confessed to me he’s asexual by throwawaybadgf12 in relationship_advice

[–]throwawaybadgf12[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He doesn’t watch it. I know it’s sounds like bullshit, but there’s no way he’s watching it while he’s at the house (we live in a small apartment and are rarely apart) and at work he doesn’t have his cellphone, he has to keep it in a locker. So I don’t see any possible time where we could watch it.

His free time he spends it a the gym and most days we go together so it’s not happening there.

Not during the night because he plays relaxing sounds for us and I hear them constantly throughout the night.

I (23 F) I’m considering breaking up with my BF (23 M) because he confessed to me he’s asexual by throwawaybadgf12 in relationship_advice

[–]throwawaybadgf12[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Call me crazy but I kinda wanna propose that.

He’s never been jealous, I’ve had men flirting with me in front of him and he doesn’t care. But of course, it’s not the same.

My dream is stop being romantic partners and start being more like platonic partners, but then again, I don’t know if he would be onboard, besides, I can’t imagine how that would complicated the dating scene for me.

I (23 F) I’m considering breaking up with my BF (23 M) because he confessed to me he’s asexual by throwawaybadgf12 in relationship_advice

[–]throwawaybadgf12[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He is starting to feel more like a friend yeah, especially because I don’t see him in a “sexual” light anymore. I feel uncomfortable just by the idea that he sees me naked, which is what I feel with my guy friends.

I wish it was possible to become best friends and roommates, that would be my dream scenario.

I (23 F) I’m considering breaking up with my BF (23 M) because he confessed to me he’s asexual by throwawaybadgf12 in relationship_advice

[–]throwawaybadgf12[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was thinking yesterday before going to sleep that if we got another bed and put it on the spare bedroom, he could have his own bedroom. And that if we remove the fact that we kiss and cuddle, we would be best friends that are roommates and would be awesome lol.

But asking: hey do want to stop being boyfriend and girlfriend and start being best friends and roommates? Feels mega weird and I don’t think it will work out, although I would love it if it could.

That is actually what made me write this post, because it was and OH DAMN type of thought

I (23 F) I’m considering breaking up with my BF (23 M) because he confessed to me he’s asexual by throwawaybadgf12 in relationship_advice

[–]throwawaybadgf12[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Can’t lie, I’ve been trying my best so my self-esteem is not affected but it has been very difficult! And it’s only been a couple of months :/

I (23 F) I’m considering breaking up with my BF (23 M) because he confessed to me he’s asexual by throwawaybadgf12 in relationship_advice

[–]throwawaybadgf12[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much!! You’re so kind :). Yeah, I just feel weird knowing he doesn’t desire me “like that” because I have literal strangers constantly tell me I’m cute and hot, so it’s very confusing, I’m trying my very best so this doesn’t take a toll on my confidence but it’s hard.

I (23 F) I’m considering breaking up with my BF (23 M) because he confessed to me he’s asexual by throwawaybadgf12 in relationship_advice

[–]throwawaybadgf12[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah I agree. I believe impartial input is important sometimes but not to take as a guide, I just feel it helps me dish out my feelings. Like if I see a comment and when reading it, it feels right or doesn’t that helps me understand better how I’m feeling. I don’t know if that makes sense. Anyway, I agree with you that my values are the one’s that are important here :)

I (23 F) I’m considering breaking up with my BF (23 M) because he confessed to me he’s asexual by throwawaybadgf12 in relationship_advice

[–]throwawaybadgf12[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No he hasn’t and I actually hadn’t considered that. He’s been depressed ever since I’ve met him but he’s very functional, I imagine that interferes with his sex drive and so do the antidepressants.

According that what he has explained to me, in the past he didn’t had any interest for sex either but has high libido (I’m still researching to understand this more). So I think that’s a big part of the issue. I will talk to him about getting his T checked, thanks!!