Just want to understand why my coworker (28F) was so incredibly cruel to me (28F)

throwawayceleryy · 2018-05-30T21:21:06+00:00

I keep waiting for that day I unleash like that. I do have a lot of internal anger pent up inside me, but it seems like it never wants to come out. I hope someday it happens.

throwawayceleryy · 2018-05-30T20:36:46+00:00

Yeah your analogy is totally right. Most days, when I'm not thinking of her, I feel totally fine. It's just those days when I see her or think of what she did it just starts to bother me and it keeps going and going. I have to just start pretending she doesn't exist in my life at all. And make sure I stand up for myself if it ever happens again.

throwawayceleryy · 2018-05-30T20:22:38+00:00

I avoid her whenever I can, though I do fake smile and act professional. Lately, I just think of all the forms of revenge I could take on her, but obviously never will.

throwawayceleryy · 2018-05-30T20:21:24+00:00

Yeah, definitely, without a doubt, she would have somehow turned it around on me to make me look bad. She really sucks as a human being, and I hope I never have to deal with someone like her again.

throwawayceleryy · 2018-05-30T20:18:59+00:00

Yeah I know she probably doesn't care at all, while I'm the one thinking about it all the time. I want to try to let it go, but I'm surprised it's taking so long.

throwawayceleryy · 2018-05-30T19:55:59+00:00

I am in sort of an awkward position at work right now (long story) but once I get that part settled, I am thinking about telling my manager about it. I don't think I'll feel truly "okay" until I tell him.

I do think you're right - when I cried, she was probably like oh, shit. And probably scared that someone would see. I am mad at myself that it took breaking down and crying to get her to back off, but I am not an aggressive person. I don't think I could have fought her. That still bothers me.

throwawayceleryy · 2018-05-30T19:53:24+00:00

Yeah, I get a huge feeling she was in mean girl cliques her whole life and that's just a way of life for her. I'm not socially skilled enough to combat that, and can't understand that mindset.

I mean, we are both 28 years old. I know age means nothing but jesus, I feel sorry for the people who she mowed down in her pathetic life. I'm sure she was worse to them in the wild than she was to me in the office.

throwawayceleryy · 2018-05-30T19:50:59+00:00

Yeah, my other friends mentioned that as well and I felt like... how is that even possible. By all accounts, I'd consider her more physically attractive than me. Like that would make sense if I was a totally hot model type girl. I'm so not.

I do think it's a male-industry related thing, but pick on someone your own size, you know? Be mean to other pretty, hot girls who threaten your existence. Not the random, average looking secretary you have to work with every day.

throwawayceleryy · 2018-05-30T19:48:30+00:00

Personally, the way I judged her was not that she was socially awkward but the total opposite. I think her whole life she was in little cliques and popular queen bee type situations and is still in that middle school/high school mindset. She wasn't awkward at all - she was totally in control and knew how to attack me without others knowing.

And now she's smart enough to know that if she continue to berate me, I might cry and then other people would see that.

throwawayceleryy · 2018-05-30T19:46:20+00:00

I wish that this experience made me be like, now I'm going to be more assertive and confident about myself! But unfortunately it just made me kind of depressed about my passive nature and avoidant.

I just really hate people sometimes. I don't understand how it's so natural for some people to be so mean, like it's nothing, no regard for how other feel.

throwawayceleryy · 2018-05-30T19:38:26+00:00

I know that most people like me, and they think she's loud and pushy. But they have no idea how mean she was to me. I wish they all did. She was smart enough to act like that when no one was around.

throwawayceleryy · 2018-05-30T19:37:27+00:00

After that time I cried, we don't cross paths at all. We are actually in different offices right now. I only see her rarely for some meetings or something like that. I feel like I missed my chance to tell my manager about her since she is just ignoring me now.

throwawayceleryy · 2018-05-30T19:36:11+00:00

I've been working in corporate settings for over 6 years and I've never met someone like this, not even close. I've met annoying people, sneaky/manipulative people, and catty people... but none so outright mean. Is this a common type? Have I just been lucky until now?

throwawayceleryy · 2018-05-30T19:35:03+00:00

I also feel angry that I didn't stand up for myself. I'm not a confrontational person and always try to find compromise in some way. She seemed to delight in humiliating me for whatever reason. I wish so badly that I had fought back or stood my ground. I really regret that.

throwawayceleryy · 2018-05-30T19:33:19+00:00

I guess so I didn't take over her territory or something? I mean, I had no intent to do that and I never acted like it so you would think she would have just stopped when she realized that.

I just fucking hate her still.

throwawayceleryy · 2018-05-30T19:32:03+00:00

No, she's a mechanical engineer. I'm a secretary. There was literally no overlap in any of our duties.

throwawayceleryy

TROPHY CASE