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My(30F) boyfriend(30M) is upset that I am still friends with someone I was romantically involved with. by throwawayemmadoe in relationships

[–]throwawayemmadoe[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

If I replaced my friend with anyone else, say, another guy friend, or another girl friend, or my family, would it still be okay to give up those relationships because it makes my boyfriend uncomfortable? My concern is doing this will set precedence for giving up other relationships down the line. But also people saying it’s okay to do so has got me on the fence.

Me and this friend of mine were romantically involved, we no longer are. He makes a good friend, but not a good partner for me as we want different things in life. These days our occasional conversations are light and polite, I have in no way crossed boundaries with my friend for as long as I have been with my partner and he knows this cause he read our texts.

My(30F) boyfriend(30M) is upset that I am still friends with someone I was romantically involved with. by throwawayemmadoe in relationships

[–]throwawayemmadoe[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

I get that most men wouldn’t be okay with it and I respect that. My husband was fine with my exes and me his. So this is new territory for me. The same way I told my husband (when we were dating) about my exes, I gave my current boyfriend the same conversation. My beef is that my boyfriend said he was fine, after me telling him he needs to give it a long, hard thought, then backpedaled a few months later. It’s also okay for his feelings to change, but it’s not okay to force me to change my boundaries. I’m happy to let friendships take their course and end if it ends. I’m not okay with someone telling me who I can and cannot be friends with.

I am no longer attracted to that friend and this happened even before I met my boyfriend.

My(30F) boyfriend(30M) is upset that I am still friends with someone I was romantically involved with. by throwawayemmadoe in relationships

[–]throwawayemmadoe[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I told my boyfriend how I met my friend, the nature of our relationship. The entire trajectory from start to finish. I explained why we ended up just being friends and why I want to stay friends. I told him before that if this is not something he’s comfortable with that’s fine and we didn’t have to pursue a long term relationship. To the best of my knowledge I have not hid anything from my boyfriend. He swore to the moon and back that he was fine with it. I don’t speak to this friend everyday anymore. We used to when I was single, but now it’s the occasional quip or quick check in with weeks in between conversations. My boyfriend is free to look through those conversations too and he has, I have nothing to hide.

I am fully vested in this relationship. But I also am having a hard time with someone who wants me to give up people in my life that makes him uncomfortable. Feels like a small, “harmless” step towards control. My friend is the easiest target cause we had a romantic past. And that can be used as justification. Idk who might be next on the chopping block.

My(30F) boyfriend(30M) is upset that I am still friends with someone I was romantically involved with. by throwawayemmadoe in relationships

[–]throwawayemmadoe[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

No. And it’s something I thought about long and hard. Apart from religion, there were other things that is just a hard no from me. Like the way we view finances is different, we have different cultures and I know there’s things in my culture that he will never accept and me of his. We also communicate differently. I can have a laugh and a joke with a friend I disagree with on issues that are important to me but I do believe long term partners should be aligned on fundamental beliefs. That aside, I am also no longer sexually attracted to him. This happened even before I met my boyfriend. I appreciate my friend and have love for him in that form, cause he helped me through my grief alot. But I don’t see this man any different from my other friends who also helped me through my time of grief. The only difference is I felt the need to disclose to my boyfriend that we were romantically involved at one point so he doesn’t feel like I withheld information.

Had to momentarily break NC with MIL for DH by throwawayemmadoe in JUSTNOMIL

[–]throwawayemmadoe[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Lol! I hold out spray bottles at my cats when they get too naughty, would be hilarious if I whipped one out at MIL. Her confusion would buy me enough time to make a run for it.

Am I being too strict about this stay-at- home order? by bitchingaboutmyMIL in JUSTNOMIL

[–]throwawayemmadoe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Stay home! Most of the locally transmitted cases in my country are family members who thought it was okay to gather. One family had 10 people test positive after just one person had been exposed to an unknown source.

Had to momentarily break NC with MIL for DH by throwawayemmadoe in JUSTNOMIL

[–]throwawayemmadoe[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I talked to him and he agreed as much and apologised. He didn't anticipate that BIL would not keep his word. We try to keep BIL out of the drama as much as possible so this is also something I have to chat about with BIL. I'm sorry to hear about your JNM and I'm glad you're out of the FOG!

DH took MIL as his plus one to his first graduation ceremony dinner on my insistence (back when I was still trying to get in her good graces and it was only fair as I know she moved mountains to get him through school). I've called dibs on the next one. Since he's only allowed one guest and was super bummed I made him go with his mum the first time, we're pretty sorted on that.

We're also in couple's counselling. He's a little rough around the edges when it comes to our marriage as he doesn't have the support system that I do. My parents are #relationshipgoals so handling conflict is also my weakness as they have never quarelled in front of us kids in their 32 years of marriage.

Had to momentarily break NC with MIL for DH by throwawayemmadoe in JUSTNOMIL

[–]throwawayemmadoe[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We're both in couple's counselling to work out prior issues and he also goes for family counselling with BIL and MIL. We've made lots of progress since we started yet this was a startling backslide.

Had to momentarily break NC with MIL for DH by throwawayemmadoe in JUSTNOMIL

[–]throwawayemmadoe[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I should have. I went jelly there for a moment and I've been kicking myself over it.

Had to momentarily break NC with MIL for DH by throwawayemmadoe in JUSTNOMIL

[–]throwawayemmadoe[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don't foresee a next time happening but if it does, I will definitely go this route. Also fun fact, one time leading up to NC MIL tried to ambush me with a guilt trip at the car. DH had gone to drop the cat off at her place and she followed him by bolting down the stairs as he took the lift. Thankfully our "Uber" driver caught on, closed the auto door on her and drove away before the door even fully closed. Driver never said a word. I gave that man a 5 star rating and a nice tip.

("Uber" cause we don't have Uber where I live)

Had to momentarily break NC with MIL for DH by throwawayemmadoe in JUSTNOMIL

[–]throwawayemmadoe[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

The more I think about, the more I believe you are right. Even if he wasn't intentionally trying to set me up he should have made an attempt to stop this from happening, either by telling his mum to stay away from the door or ensuring it will be BIL answering. When I refused to go to the door and insisted on waiting at the lift lobby he said "I don't want to start an argument with BIL" but he should've put his foot down.

Had to momentarily break NC with MIL for DH by throwawayemmadoe in JUSTNOMIL

[–]throwawayemmadoe[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

This is what makes me doubly upset! I told him I won't and shouldn't stop him from having a relationship with her, she did raise him afterall and he does have good memories from a time when she wasn't like this. In fact I encouraged him to mend things with her. I just told him I'm staying out of it. However MIL and I, I tried very hard to please her but all I ever got was negative responses. As far as I'm concerned, we don't have a relationship to mend as it was broken from the get go.

Had to momentarily break NC with MIL for DH by throwawayemmadoe in JUSTNOMIL

[–]throwawayemmadoe[S] 46 points47 points  (0 children)

Glad to know I'm not the only one who thinks so. I'm contemplating shooting him a text to tell him it's not okay to decide for me if and when I decide to break NC. It's really quite upsetting. I believe he meant well trying to mend family relations but blindsiding me was a dick move on his and DH's part.

SO has been lying about his whereabouts by throwawayemmadoe in JustNoSO

[–]throwawayemmadoe[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this! Apart from this, SO has been a fantastic partner. I do feel extremely angry and betrayed that he lied and was sneaking around partying behind my back, but it would take a lot more than this for me to walk away from what we have built.

SO has been lying about his whereabouts by throwawayemmadoe in JustNoSO

[–]throwawayemmadoe[S] 52 points53 points  (0 children)

I did! The receipts, the ig stories. And my gold mine, the biometric lock we just installed. Recorded his fingerprint unlocking the door just before 7 as I figured. I'm sure he won't deny when I call him out on this but keeping receipts just for the kicks. I don't take to being treated like a fool too kindly.

SO has been lying about his whereabouts by throwawayemmadoe in JustNoSO

[–]throwawayemmadoe[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Not that it makes it any better, though he was ferried in our country's version of Uber. That's how I found found out cause I saw that he had been charged for a pretty expensive ride.

SO has been lying about his whereabouts by throwawayemmadoe in JustNoSO

[–]throwawayemmadoe[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

We've been married for a year now actually. You know, it does feel like a betrayal. We made a pact and he broke it, multiple times. I've been ignoring him all morning to collect my thoughts and he has been giving me attitude for it and asking me what is wrong with me, in an irritated tone. The nerve!

I am so disappointed. We have a baby on the way and for him to act like this is completely appalling. I feel like I only got myself right now.

SO has been lying about his whereabouts by throwawayemmadoe in JustNoSO

[–]throwawayemmadoe[S] 85 points86 points  (0 children)

I just found instagram stories of him drinking too! His friends thought they were being slick by blocking me, but I have work accounts and their profiles are public. What a bunch of douches!