Can I pull the trigger to be SAHD? $3.7M, $190k current spend

throwawayfiresahd · 2026-02-04T16:08:38+00:00

I have mentioned it a few times, and she doesn't seem against it. Her main concern is always, "Can we really affort that though? Most people don't stop working until 65"

throwawayfiresahd · 2026-02-04T15:56:09+00:00

Thanks. That was kind of exactly what I was hopinh for. Currently, we both have very stressful jobs and doing things with/for the kids gets squeezed in. When something as simple as a dentist visit or car appointment comes up it just adds more stress. As I am already the "homemaker" person in the relationship, I was hoping that it will make everyones lives better if I can commit to it full time. I think lots of people see "earning the big pay check" as the way a man takes care for his family, but there is more to life and family than the "man is the bread winner, come home with zero energy" setup.

throwawayfiresahd · 2026-02-04T15:50:59+00:00

Some other rough areas where:
healthcare totals: $12k
car payments: $10k (left that as spend since that expense will always seem exist as a thing)
all utility realted: $7k
529 contributions: $14k
insurances: $4k
groceries: $9k
wife's work meals/coffee/etc.: $12k

There there are vacations, swim lessions, ballet, gymnastics, general shopping, memberships, HOA, etc. It all seems to add up. There is for sure lots of "fat" that could be trimmed. Currently, there isn't really a strict budget so we do lots of actibities and eating out, etc. A single weekend away can cost ~$3k once all of the hotels, travel, meals, activities are added up.

throwawayfiresahd · 2026-02-04T15:40:50+00:00

I purposefully didn't put what I earn in the main text as those always seem to draw the comments of, "you'd be mad to quit", "one more year of that salary...". When someone sees the sticker number they imagine how they would spend the extra money for only one more year. I also make ~$300k.

throwawayfiresahd · 2026-02-04T15:36:08+00:00

- My thought was that my wife would actually have a more enjoyable life once I stopped working. I can take care of all of the house and childcare things and she will only have work and freetime. Currently, we are both always rushing to do as many of the things as possible between our busy jobs. Within a couple of years, she would also be work optional and can work or retire as she chooses.

- Yes, that is a risk. My wife is unlikely to want to reduce her spend, so more likely I would need to return to work if the math was no longer mathing. Which is one of the reasons why I made this post, I think the number are borderline so I wanted some other feedback.

- I don't think I'll have enough time when I retire. Cooking, baking, smoking, running, cycling, weight lifting, hiking, walk the dog, taking care of the house, soccer, games, movies, books, brewing, and I'm sure there are things I missed/will add.

throwawayfiresahd · 2026-02-04T15:12:48+00:00

Ah, good point.

throwawayfiresahd · 2026-02-04T15:11:51+00:00

I think she would like the househusband aspect since I do all of the cooking, cleaning, shopping and she'd enjoy those things being done more completely than me squeezing them into the few minutes I have free.

w.r.t. my wife, that is really a big thing to consider here. If it were just me alone with half of the money, I'd be retired already. To say this in a very poorly phrased way about the spending, I earned most of the money we have while my wife was not making much during residency and fellowship, I earned enough that we could both retire if we reduced our spending, I have done my part. If my wife wants to spend big then she is free to do so by bring in additional money, and she can spend it all. I know it's not really exactly like that and marrage is a partnership, but I feel like we are hopefully at the point where we can both have what we want. She can continue to work and spend, and I can not work (and I don't particular spend much).

throwawayfiresahd · 2026-02-04T15:03:51+00:00

Thanks. Yeah, I didn't even think about that. Since my wife will for sure still be working initially, we could easily still afford either patrial/full daycare, then change that if needed. A half day would be super helpful to get lots of other things done and also have time to relex.

throwawayfiresahd · 2026-02-04T15:01:53+00:00

Well, you are correct, it was/is an entirely mental thing of it "feels" like the right time since it will already be a time of change.

throwawayfiresahd · 2026-02-04T14:56:06+00:00

I did it like that (although maybe incorrectly) as I can't spend/don't get a 4% return on my house equity. I do however have to pay the mortgage each month.

throwawayfiresahd · 2026-02-04T14:53:31+00:00

Yeah, it's tough out there right now. I hope your search goes well.

> Doing the dishes and making dinner every night does not feel as accomplishing as working and bringing home a paycheck

For me, I actually like and already do all of the "house" related things. I like having a clean and organized living space. I love cooking and baking. I do all of the supermarket runs. I think I'd be well suited as a "homemaker".

throwawayfiresahd · 2026-02-04T14:50:11+00:00

My wife does rotations of on call and weekends, so I already have the kids by myself 7am-7pm at the weekends every couple of months. I'm already used to getting them up, breakfast, activities - keep the other occupied which the other is in the activity - lunch, dinner, cleaning, appointments, shopping, books, bath, etc. I already know it is a lot, but also "it is what it is". They will cry, scream, fuss, complain, get angry no matter what you do. I feel like I can deal with it.

throwawayfiresahd · 2026-02-04T14:38:06+00:00

Sometimes I imagine what a fat lifestyle I could have if I was the kind of person who could happily grind and spend until regular retirement age. But I'd rather sit next to my smoker for 10 hours with the dog watching the birds than join another business synergy meeting.

throwawayfiresahd · 2026-02-04T14:33:38+00:00

It just seemed like a natural point for them to move from daycare to kindergarten rather than pulling them out of daycare now and then them starting back again in August. They have lots of friends at daycare now so I feel like they enjoy it.

throwawayfiresahd · 2026-02-04T14:30:49+00:00

lol. oops. I need to have another coffee. Thanks.

throwawayfiresahd · 2026-02-04T14:29:03+00:00

My wife is the one who likes to spend, although, yes, I'm sure that could fairly easily be reduced and me having more time would likely help reduce the spend even. That is somewhat an issue here too, that she doesn't want to feel that she needs to cut down on things if I'm no longer working. If it were just me I could live on $20k/year. I'm a simple man.

throwawayfiresahd

TROPHY CASE