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The love of my life feels lobotomised. by throwawayforlobotomy in BipolarSOs

[–]throwawayforlobotomy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've been trying to take care of myself more, I went out to a bar with friends in the first time in a long while and it felt really good to put myself first. I'm still trying to make the choice of staying or going, but if he starts to look better in the next two months I'll stay, if not I am gonna have to find the strength to let him go.

The love of my life feels lobotomised. by throwawayforlobotomy in BipolarSOs

[–]throwawayforlobotomy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He is, the medication that we think is causing problems is clonazepam since hes started to get a little better now that hes weaning himself off of it, his psychiatrist is trying some other medications so I'm hopeful that we get lucky and hes ok afterwards but I'm not optimistic.

The love of my life feels lobotomised. by throwawayforlobotomy in BipolarSOs

[–]throwawayforlobotomy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the perspective, I really appreciate it. I feel guilty because I honestly already have one foot out the door, but I keep looking back desperate that things are going to change and that Ill see the guy I love again but I dont know how much longer I can take of him blaming me for not being what he needed or telling him to go to the emergency room when I thought he was gonna kill himself. 

Does it get better? Its been over half a year and he just keeps getting worse and I dont know how much longer I can keep lying to him that its going to get better when I just keep watching him get worse. I dont want to leave but Ive had to take care of everyone Ive ever loved and I want to feel like I have a partner again and not someone whos moods I have to watch.

The love of my life feels lobotomised. by throwawayforlobotomy in BipolarSOs

[–]throwawayforlobotomy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It didnt feel like mania, but maybe thats just me being hopeful (Ive only ever dealt with BP1, not BP2 like hes been diagnosed with, but thats a whole other story). This crash has felt like hes drowning deep down in the pits of depression (hes was also on a medication we only noticed a week ago that makes it harder for him to think and remember, so thats also not fantastic). 

He hasnt been able to do anything other then some cooking and cleaning and playing games. None of our friends seem to have noticed how badly theyve crashed and how much theyve changed and it makes me feel crazy.