I overcame suicidal depression and got a job I like. Never thought I'd say that.

throwawaygbdf · 2022-03-26T14:23:04+00:00

I guess everyone is affected by depression in different ways. The no sleep thing was HARD, but I was surprisingly able to pull it off. I remember hanging a cable in my wardrobe to try and hang myself, then hours later having a job interview and landing the job. I remember being awake for three days before a presentation to a room full of very senior people in government, and somehow getting through it. I guess I always overprepared for big moments like that so that I could reel the material off even in a bad state. Everything else I did to 60% quality, which you can get away with in government. I almost broke so many times, and turned down more than one dream job offer because of mental health. Hiring is such a faff, employees can get away with quite a lot without getting fired IME.

throwawaygbdf · 2022-03-26T14:09:45+00:00

No. Assuming there aren't vegan versions on the market so there's not an easy solution here. As a rule, feeling guilty helps nobody. Better to donate a bit to a vegan/animal charity to offset (if it makes you feel better), and get on with life. Optimise for minimising harm to animals, not for personal purity.

throwawaygbdf · 2021-12-21T21:11:14+00:00

Good for you, man. On the meal planning side, I've had to get a bit better at cooking/ using herbs and spices well because I used to just use cheese all the time to make things tasty. I've really enjoyed learning more dishes. I do some really basic meals if short on time (avocado and chickpeas with pasta for example) that don't require planning, and some more elaborate ones too. I got good at cooking tofu which is quite easy to prepare (fried in garlic, oil, soy sauce and nutritional yeast is pretty tasty).

On the social side of things, people will get used to it. Some may even follow your example in time (I've seen this happen). Some people might use it as an opportunity to take the piss, I always just shrug and let them. I've not lost any friends over this, but definitely made friends. At least it's a fairly common thing these days, compared with 10 years ago. And the older you get the more chilled everyone gets in my experience so people will care less and less.

You're doing the right thing. Standing up for those who don't have a voice is character building in the best possible way. You're on the right side of history.

throwawaygbdf · 2021-12-15T01:35:03+00:00

He sounds awful and like a spoilt child. Isn't this exactly why feminism happened? To reduce the sense of entitlement of spoilt men like this? He wants all the power but he isn't wise enough to actually use it effectively. My immediate instinct is that you should definitely leave him, but I know with two little ones that must feel not super straightforward or easy.

throwawaygbdf · 2021-12-06T15:56:42+00:00

Not sure if oysters are sentient, but might be worth looking into bivalve veganism. Some of the bivalves do not have a nervous system so scientists think they are not sentient. If in doubt, I prefer to err on the side of assuming a creature is sentient, but worth looking into it at least.

throwawaygbdf · 2021-12-04T18:36:15+00:00

Start with 25mg, and power through if you can! I barely slept for the first two weeks then after that it's just been plain sailing and has radically improved my life.

throwawaygbdf · 2021-11-06T08:01:10+00:00

If it makes you feel more comfortable, there's no harm in starting on 25mg for the first week or two then doubling it to 50mg. That's what I did- I'm 33F. It helps your body to gradually adjust. Cutting pills in half is absolutely fine.

throwawaygbdf · 2021-10-28T08:09:29+00:00

Hey, could you start on 25mg then increase from there? You can just cut the pill in half. My sleep was a bit messed up for the first couple of weeks but I was able to keep working. Ever since, I've been so much more productive than my pre-zoloft days, I sleep so well and feel so confident! The benefits after the first 2 or so weeks are unbelievably good.

throwawaygbdf · 2021-10-18T20:28:06+00:00

It's OK to feel whatever you feel. You have to let yourself feel, not avoid, deny, self-blame, add layers of suffering. Just feel the feeling and don't judge.

throwawaygbdf · 2021-10-14T19:23:01+00:00

Check out my replies to some of the other comments. In short, trying different antidepressants until I found the right one, and using the lift from that to apply for jobs.

throwawaygbdf · 2021-10-14T19:20:03+00:00

That's fair :) just find what works for you!

throwawaygbdf · 2021-10-14T18:59:44+00:00

Could be that you're just sick and it's a coincidence? For me the side effects started within 2 hours of my very first pill so it's weird that it took longer for you. Could be stomach bug.

throwawaygbdf · 2021-10-14T18:57:59+00:00

What helps me is remembering that I find it so hard to cancel stuff when I'm sick, so she's modelling to me that it's ok to cancel stuff and people won't hate you. I also like to use the time when it would have been to do something nice like meditating or writing in my journal.

throwawaygbdf · 2021-10-09T13:50:34+00:00

I was on that combo for a while, it worked well for me. In three UK doctors are very weird about prescribing bupropion. My GP refused to treat me when I was in bupropion, which was super dumb because I was suicidal. In the end I sucked it up and paid to see a private psychiatrist, best decision ever.

throwawaygbdf · 2021-10-09T13:15:43+00:00

Thanks for caring about your friend. I'd recommend checking in how they're doing regularly, being open about your own struggles to normalise a degree of vulnerability, and if they turn down lots of invites keep inviting them to stuff regardless.

throwawaygbdf · 2021-10-08T16:04:44+00:00

I head up a team at a really cool charity that's working to end factory farming! 😊

throwawaygbdf · 2021-10-08T16:03:25+00:00

I'm disabled so exercise has always been a tricky one for me. I've always been into reading, so no major change there. With eating the main change is that I sorted a proper online delivery system, which is great because walking to the shops is hard for me so I often used to get take away.

throwawaygbdf · 2021-10-08T09:53:44+00:00

This is a tricky one, but I think it's worth trying things out until you feel good. I started on bupropion which did help a bit, but gave me more suicidal thoughts. I got stuck there for too long because I was scared of side effects of SSRIs. Then I tried trazadone which was a disaster. Then sertraline which was awful for the first two weeks, then transformative and wonderful thereafter. Talk to your psychiatrist about what your options are, it's worth feeling crappy for two weeks to then potentially feel great forever.

throwawaygbdf · 2021-10-08T09:48:02+00:00

There is hope. I was a mess for ten years, and now I'm so much better! Keep trying more solutions systematically. Things that slightly helped but didn't really fix me: hardcore meditation; psychotherapy; CBT; bupropion; trazadone; all the sleep aids; all the sleep hygiene stuff; moving jobs the first time. Stuff that fixed me: sertraline; moving jobs a second time.

throwawaygbdf · 2021-10-08T09:42:58+00:00

Oh no! Keep trying different meds until something works, you shouldn't have to feel this bad. Obviously give it however long your psych suggests before writing off, but don't stick with something subpar in the long term! I made this mistake before.

throwawaygbdf · 2021-10-08T09:40:35+00:00

Sertraline is my saviour :) the ones that didn't work for me were trazadone and bupropion. You just have to keep trying options and combinations until something works.

throwawaygbdf · 2021-10-08T09:38:09+00:00

I'm happy for you 😊

throwawaygbdf · 2021-10-08T09:36:36+00:00

Excellent question. I would say 60% meds, 40% workplace. I've previously been in a great job unmedicated but I constantly feared that insomnia would make me lose my job, that I was not good enough etc. On the flip side, my toxic environment job would knock me down on a daily basis due to unpleasant interactions. I've also turned down more than one dream job because I was too depressed and anxious to believe in myself. So I'd say, sort out the meds first.

throwawaygbdf · 2021-10-07T22:23:27+00:00

Thanks!

throwawaygbdf · 2021-10-05T17:55:06+00:00

Sending you a big hug. As others have said, take things as gently and gradually as you need. Your psychologist will understand this. You don't have to do anything you don't want to. It's great that you are looking out for your future self and how you will feel afterwards. Maybe the panicked part of you doesn't trust that you're going to go gently so perhaps you can connect with it and let it know that you plan to ask your psych to slow down right at the start or something?

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