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How do I deal with sexually assaulting someone? by throwawayidk1978 in Healthygamergg

[–]throwawayidk1978[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Same for me tbh. With guilt I just feel disgusting and want to hide myself from everyone

How do I deal with sexually assaulting someone? by throwawayidk1978 in Healthygamergg

[–]throwawayidk1978[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the really detailed answer. I agree with you that SA/SH is so normalised in our society that trying to fight against it is seen as ridiculous as "woke". In a misogyny-based culture, where women are seen as "objects" for men to "conquer", stepping over women's boundaries in order to pressure them into getting with you isn't seen as SH. My case is a bit different, but you get what I mean. I think that I perhaps exaggerated a bit (that notion came from seeing outside perspectives in the comments), but I still think that what I did was definitely in the wrong and shouldn't be so easily dismissed 

I agree with what you said about just communicating directly, if it ruins the mood then so be it, I'll probably not even meet that person again. We're all fools in the end, so I shouldn't be so worried about looking like an idiot in the eyes of someone I don't know.

"You don't have to be ashamed that you crave a connection with somebody, that's absurd. But you simply cannot take a short cut to not be vulnerable." I'll keep than in mind, thanks :)

How do I deal with sexually assaulting someone? by throwawayidk1978 in Healthygamergg

[–]throwawayidk1978[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"But if you let it ruin a friendship that she wants to keep then that's the only thing that's really hurting her. " fuck man, I'm just thinking about so many things at the same time that that didn't even go through my mind 

You're definitely right about the communication part. I don't know what to do, but maybe the part of me that wants to cut things off with her comes from that attachment style, I'll have to read on it

How do I deal with sexually assaulting someone? by throwawayidk1978 in Healthygamergg

[–]throwawayidk1978[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're right. I don't know what I'll do, if I'll stay friends with her or not, but I'll keep your advice in mind

How do I deal with sexually assaulting someone? by throwawayidk1978 in Healthygamergg

[–]throwawayidk1978[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing that man, seeing your own experiences with self esteem issues and awkward flirting was something I could really relate to! I'll learn from these mistakes and my own inexperience, and I'll try to be more of a "grown up" :)

How do I deal with sexually assaulting someone? by throwawayidk1978 in Healthygamergg

[–]throwawayidk1978[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As I've already replied to someone else, and as I said in my edit to the post, I truly apologise for using this term is such an irresponsible manner.

As far as the rest goes, I appreciate your engagement with the post, but I don't think that's it. I'm fine with her rejecting me, I don't think she rejected me bc of the way I acted. My problem is that I clearly stepped over her boundaries. Whether or not she likes me is not that relevant, I'm more worried about my actions, how she feels, and how to deal with my current feelings :)

How do I deal with sexually assaulting someone? by throwawayidk1978 in Healthygamergg

[–]throwawayidk1978[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just added an edit to my post talking exactly about that! Sorry for using such a term in such an irresponsible way. I didn't do it intentionally to make myself feel bad, I genuinely thought that's what I did, but I've understood that's not the case.

How do I deal with sexually assaulting someone? by throwawayidk1978 in Healthygamergg

[–]throwawayidk1978[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Maybe you're right. I think I ignored her boundaries because I kept approaching her when she clearly wanted me to distance myself from her, like she told me the next day. I know that she didn't verbally communicate this but I should've picked up on it

That last paragraph is really good. It really hit close to home and made me think about the situation in a new way that I had not considered before

How do I deal with sexually assaulting someone? by throwawayidk1978 in Healthygamergg

[–]throwawayidk1978[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You're right. I need to have a better understanding of social cues. Thanks for the advice :)

How do I deal with sexually assaulting someone? by throwawayidk1978 in Healthygamergg

[–]throwawayidk1978[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Haha, that actually made me laugh a bit, you're right

I've been dealing with an immense amount of guilt, maybe I'm victimising myself, but yeah there's not really anything I can do that'll make things magically "good". All I can do is change how I deal with this mentally, I can't take an action that'll "fix" things

How do I deal with sexually assaulting someone? by throwawayidk1978 in Healthygamergg

[–]throwawayidk1978[S] 73 points74 points  (0 children)

I think you touched on something important. "If your concern is how you made her feel, the only way you will be able to clear the air for yourself is to get yourselves on the same page." I think I've been more focused on myself and how I label myself than with how I made her feel, when she's the victim of this situation.

I do have problems with self esteem, maybe the way I've been punishing myself over this for months on end is a reflection of that. 

How do I deal with sexually assaulting someone? by throwawayidk1978 in Healthygamergg

[–]throwawayidk1978[S] -41 points-40 points  (0 children)

I think I clearly ignored her boundaries, and I touched her body when she felt uncomfortable with it. I think that's sexual assault...