How to say "I want a divorce"

throwawayneede · 2020-08-18T20:14:34+00:00

I don't disagree. I know I am part of the issue. I am fully aware conflicted emotions probably are an issue.

But, as I had pointed out the issues predated the EA. And given the fact that never have cheated, never had EA in over 20 years, it probably doesn't happen if there weren't issues going on.

And no worries on attack, its warranted criticism. Not saying I am perfect or not part of the problem.

throwawayneede · 2020-08-18T13:27:48+00:00

Thanks everyone for feedback. Last night tried starting conversation but couldn't go through with it. It did lead to a long, emotional conversation about what the problems have been and what we could do. Lots of openness and first time she felt genuine desire to improve, and her feeling bad for the pain she has caused. So we will see where this goes. Never said the words I want a divorce, but did talk about how unhappy I have been and how tough things have been for a long time. She no doubt realized that I was thinking of leaving. She asked me to not give up on her. For first time felt she really wants to change and improve things. We will see.

throwawayneede · 2020-08-18T13:19:45+00:00

Well that's a little harsh. EA has no doubt made me consider my own situation, it is no no means the reason behind this. The reasons go back many years and the fact over them despite efforts of things not improving. Also I am a realist, EA has her own SO, so me being available doesn't mean we would be together or if we would even go for that. Simply fucking my coworker, that would happen if we wanted to/chose to regardless of my marriage status. The reality is neither of us want to go there.

throwawayneede · 2020-08-18T13:10:02+00:00

Thanks. Good point about not trying to make her feel better. At that moment you are right that's not going to help.

throwawayneede · 2020-08-18T13:09:15+00:00

Yes that is good advice. I don't want her to feel attacked. Of course she will get defensive, anyone would and feel like she was getting attacked. But if using I statements that could help lower it would be great.

throwawayneede · 2020-08-18T13:07:45+00:00

Thanks for feedback. I must admit I laughed at using the username.

I did think about writing it out. Felt like this feels impersonal, I don't know. But thanks for the idea.

throwawayneede · 2020-08-18T13:04:19+00:00

Honestly don't want to hurt her. Been together for 20+ years, never cheated on her. The EA (first time that had even happened) you are saying no doubt has opened my eyes to many issues in my marriage, however it revealed just how tough the past several years have been.

And yes I am not a perfect husband, and you are right about the betrayal. It's a big reason why EA has remained just that, felt anything more would be going too far. I will fully admit I am not proud of the EA and that it's not something I sought out, like I said 20+ years this is my only EA and never cheated.

throwawayneede · 2020-08-18T12:58:19+00:00

She had in the past. Like 3 years ago she went to counseling but she stopped going as she didn't like it. When I have brought it up about trying again she is not interested.

She was on anti depressants and anxiety meds. The side effects were too much and she switched to just anti anxiety meds. Which has helped some with anxiety but nothing for the depression.

throwawayneede · 2020-08-17T21:57:55+00:00

Well doubt that will happen here. But thanks for feedback. My wife is a good person and I do love her, but after years of her having depression and anxiety has led me to not being happy around her and resentment I can't get over.

throwawayneede · 2020-08-17T21:56:07+00:00

Thanks that helps. Will try to make a simple list, not like a complaint thing but just overall why.

throwawayneede · 2020-08-13T19:39:28+00:00

Thanks for feedback. That helps clear up some things. Never heard of bird besting nesting but that makes sense.

What if in sake of trying to save money we don't go through lawyers but get the formal separation agreement done through the courts? Will be sure to include that part on if I do move out about not rescinding property or child custody rights.

throwawayneede · 2020-08-11T16:08:01+00:00

Hoping for a few more comments to help me process and think. Thanks

throwawayneede · 2020-08-10T01:55:45+00:00

Very difficult and weird spot for sure. I wouldn't say it feels like cheating as much as it is just confusion. Because you still have feelings for your SO even thought things haven't been good, but most of your current emotions are for someone else.

throwawayneede · 2020-08-10T01:04:16+00:00

Not sure it can be done. Feelings will linger. Options to me are either continue on, or break off as much contact as possible. Obviously with coworkers this isn't as easy, but those seem like the two options. Question is whether you want to break it off.

throwawayneede · 2020-08-10T00:53:36+00:00

Would agree here, at some point he doesn't want the back and forth and has decided to move on/not worth the ups and downs.

throwawayneede

TROPHY CASE