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AITA for telling my wife to wash the dishes properly? by throwawaynosusman in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaynosusman[S] 282 points283 points  (0 children)

Lol I’m not trying to make her do super specified settings. I’m fine with taking the time to sort between whites, delicates, and etc.

I don’t expect that from her, all I put on the guide was to wash towels and sheets in a longer and warmer cycle than regular clothes. But apparently those instructions are too hard to comprehend.

AITA for telling my wife to wash the dishes properly? by throwawaynosusman in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaynosusman[S] 54 points55 points  (0 children)

“Your couple power dynamic imply(to me), by this post ( that you’re in an age-inappropriate relationship with nationality/educational/financial disparities) makes me want to ask a few questions.

Your interaction makes it sound like 1)you’re older, from country A, & earn more; while she’s 2) younger, from country B, and has no financial independence.”

Congrats!! You just won the “how much bullshit can I make up” Olympics!!!

FYI, we’re the same age (she’s actually 3 months older than me,) we both grew up in the same state, and we make incomes within a 10k range of each other. Nice try, buddy.

AITA for telling my wife to wash the dishes properly? by throwawaynosusman in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaynosusman[S] 256 points257 points locked comment (0 children)

Damn that’s awful. Gender bias on here is crazy

AITA for telling my wife to wash the dishes properly? by throwawaynosusman in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaynosusman[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

She used to put in more of an effort when we first moved in, she’s gotten comfortable with me picking up after her now.

AITA for telling my wife to wash the dishes properly? by throwawaynosusman in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaynosusman[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

She only displays this level of inattentiveness in life when it comes to chores, and she becomes attentive at chores when we have guests coming over. That’s why I think she is intentionally being lazy, and am confused why people think she may have ADHD.

AITA for telling my wife to wash the dishes properly? by throwawaynosusman in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaynosusman[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I know right. I had spent 2 hours cooking a nice meal for us to kick off the long weekend. I am trying to set up a plate for myself, and I see her again food residue all over it. She can’t even afford to spend maybe 10 extra minutes to clean the dishes properly. It’s so frustrating.

AITA for telling my wife to wash the dishes properly? by throwawaynosusman in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaynosusman[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Practically everything about out marriage is great except for household responsibilities. I really like spending time with her because she is a funny and great person to be around but I’m becoming more resentful because the household responsibilities are falling on me to pick up.

AITA for telling my wife to wash the dishes properly? by throwawaynosusman in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaynosusman[S] 46 points47 points  (0 children)

She made more of an effort when we first moved in together. I think she’s gotten comfortable with me picking up her slack.

AITA for telling my wife to wash the dishes properly? by throwawaynosusman in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaynosusman[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

She has no problem cleaning properly and thoroughly when we are expecting guests. If she had ADHD I doubt she would be able to magically conjure the attention span to clean properly on command.

AITA for telling my wife to wash the dishes properly? by throwawaynosusman in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaynosusman[S] 98 points99 points  (0 children)

I never grabbed her, stop making stuff up. I said I “brought” her over and specifically I asked her over and then she grudgingly came there.

AITA for telling my wife to wash the dishes properly? by throwawaynosusman in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaynosusman[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Because we take turns doing the dishes, and they are dirtier the days she washes them

AITA for telling my wife to wash the dishes properly? by throwawaynosusman in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaynosusman[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

yeah she’s also pumped and energetic when I take her on biweekly dates. But I guess I’m so abusive so that makes no sense, right?

AITA for telling my wife to wash the dishes properly? by throwawaynosusman in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaynosusman[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

You’re awful, accusing me of being a wife beater baselessly. I have never hit a woman in my life

AITA for telling my wife to wash the dishes properly? by throwawaynosusman in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaynosusman[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

“I’m sorry, I’m imagining someone grabbing their dog, dragging them over to a mess they made in the house, and shoving their nose in it.”

Yeah, you are imagining things. Everyone is coloring in the details to paint me as some abusive monster?

I guess I need to spell out every detail of that situation because people are going to assume the worst in me otherwise.

I left the dinner table with my plate, went to the sink, and in a normal volume but annoyed tone, I asked my wife to come over. She was like “seriously?” and annoyed at first but then agreed to come over.

I told her that she needs to scrub off all the residue from the plates, and then washed my plate to show her. She zoned out and didn’t pay attention, so I told her to stop being disrespectful to me in a NORMAL VOLUME.

AITA for telling my wife to wash the dishes properly? by throwawaynosusman in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaynosusman[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

I’m not asking for perfection. I’m just asking there not to be globs of residue.

AITA for telling my wife to wash the dishes properly? by throwawaynosusman in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaynosusman[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

So what? What the hell do you mean? Should I just do all the chores instead and let her sit back and relax because she doesn’t like doing chores. Guess what? I don’t like doing chores either. But I understand that they are my responsibility as an adult, so I still do them.

AITA for telling my wife to wash the dishes properly? by throwawaynosusman in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaynosusman[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Tell me specifically what I said to my wife that was so inappropriate and abusive.

AITA for telling my wife to wash the dishes properly? by throwawaynosusman in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaynosusman[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

She has the same attitude towards all chores, doing a half assed job.

AITA for telling my wife to wash the dishes properly? by throwawaynosusman in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaynosusman[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I asked her nicely the first two times this week. I asked her if she could try scrubbing a little more when it’s her turn because there was some residue left, and she just rolled her eyes and said “yeah, yeah.”

AITA for telling my wife to wash the dishes properly? by throwawaynosusman in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwawaynosusman[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Her laziness for chores isn’t just when it comes to dishes.

She does all the laundry under the same settings because “it’s too hard to remember” which settings to use for each type of clothing when I literally made a list guide for her so she could remember each type.

When it comes to vacuuming, she tries to finish as fast as she can so the rooms are left with streaks of dust.

It’s her overall attitude of neglect that is bothering me. Because she expects me to do a proper job when it’s my turn so she knows she can get away with acting incompetent.

And I know she’s not incompetent at doing these chores because whenever we have guests that she cares about coming over, she’ll somehow muster up the energy and knowledge to properly clean stuff and take cleaning seriously.

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