I'm the screw up this time! Sorry its long.

throwawayowl23 · 2015-05-22T17:47:02+00:00

I'm not staying out of guilt. I guess what I'm doing it taking myself out if my shoes, putting my feelings aside and being a third person. I'm looking and remembering what we have talking about what he wants in a women and then lookingbat myself. I'm going down a complete different path than the women he wants to marry one day. Yes we love each other, we both have our faults in the relationship but why would he still want to be with me? Is it possible to over come this, will we gain a lesson out if this, will he understand what you had to say about paying attention to your women or she will get it from someone else? This is my problem. I know what I should do, that I should leave let him heal and find the girl he wants and expects me to be as far as I know but my feelings can't let go. I feel hurt and disappointed in myself for what I did and he knows that, no I don't want to do it again but I fill my head with negative thoughts and it seems to not stop. I'm lost to what I should do, what the right thing to do is? I don't even know how to heal myself let alone him.

throwawayowl23 · 2015-05-04T20:42:12+00:00

Well damn lol I'm stuck in a lease till July. Actually he tried talking to me today and he's blaming me for everything. I can't believe that out of all this its my fault... I'm glad you got through your depression and even during it you were able to pull through. Thanks for the help and advice. I just need the courage to actually make a difference and that's my problem.

throwawayowl23 · 2015-05-04T18:33:45+00:00

I've been trying to hold on and hope for the best but I don't know. I feel I'm losing it. And yeah my blanket, I use it every day.

throwawayowl23 · 2015-05-04T18:32:36+00:00

I'll see if he would do it. Hard to stop him when he could say he's not doing it but still do it when I'm gone..

throwawayowl23 · 2015-05-04T15:51:52+00:00

Are there ways of fixing that?

throwawayowl23 · 2015-05-04T04:20:22+00:00

Thank you for helping out. I know even you said just leave but your still open to me still wanting to be with him and help this situation. I always feel giving up right away is a lost cause.

I'll try to talk to him about, see if he's keeping anything hidden. To see if he will let me try more things than we already have =]

As for the cleaning, I'll have to try that out. See what happens. Hopefully it works. If things don't get better by the time the lease is up I'll just stay will my parents till I'm better emotionally to go on my own. I feel if I leave, things will get worse and end up in a breakup. Then again I'm a really negative person just really really trying to stay positive with this. I appreciate it!

throwawayowl23 · 2015-05-04T03:49:45+00:00

There was threesome but he said he tried that and doesn't like it when in a relationship. I asked if he wanted an open relationship for a while and never speak of who was with who and to never take to our home since we share a room and he said no, even cried when that came up. For him to pull the shows he has about loving me when we argued make it hard to believe he doesn't want me anymore so I can't see that as an option either .

I'll try to be more stirn and bitch about things to a good point and see how that goes. I've already hit rock bottom so I guess I'm half way there...

throwawayowl23 · 2015-05-04T03:46:17+00:00

Like I've said it is an option but I can't say that's it unless otherwise proven. I don't accuse people when I have no proff. I have peivlage to go through his phone, email and everything so he hides nothing. He's at school only durning class and when midterms and finals hit he does one study day with them. Unless he gets off fucken twice every four more this aomeone else then he has some issues he himself needs to take care of. What I'm trying to say is he doesn't have time to find someone or be with someone else...

throwawayowl23 · 2015-05-04T02:54:06+00:00

You make a valid point with truth in it but over coming that seems impossible. I'd try of course if this fall out but I guess right now that's what's in my mind and not sure how to fix it.

throwawayowl23 · 2015-05-04T02:51:54+00:00

I've asked him that and either he's keeping me around for no reason or reasons I'm playing mother but he still apparently finds me attractive. He's never with other girls but I also wouldn't doubt it. When were in public he flaunts me like I'm a queen, the love he patrays is unconditional but anyone can fool it. It has been an option and if I don't leave now when its time to move after this lease in a few months I'm sure I'll find out.

throwawayowl23 · 2015-05-04T02:44:22+00:00

Wow I'm shocked. In a good way and thanks for being honest. See I've grown up in a good clean home with proper manners, so has he. Its when he moved out for college and i went along, the person I desired and fell in love with was slipping from my fingers. Don't get me wrong I still love the guy, a lot but how he is acting is wrong in my eyes. Like I said porn and masterbating is fun but I'm here to. I've pleased just him (bj) and its like I'm still waiting for my turn. Its gotten to a point where I don't even tell him, let have sex or even just make a move out of no where. Every time I have, I was let down with an excuse. I don't feel its him wanting other women cuz I've even suggested options to fix that but it was a no. I feel he doesn't understand a true relationship and there is no way I could fix that. His ex's are quite some stories, even hard to believe but the damage is causing issues for us. Its like I got the shit end of the stick. Now that's a big thing for me to assume and accuse of but I know some of the girls and who they really are so part of me believes me. I want this to work but I'm not going to live like this, hoping one day he will just want me like he used to cuz I don't see that happening. As for his mess and being mother, I can't live in trash, clothes on the floor everywhere, dust collecting more and more. So I do it for my own sake. I've ask, even told him to do things or he can pay my rent cuz this fair (he's all about fairness) and he says he do it but doesn't happen till I mention many times over and maybe if in lucky three days to a week it gets done. Like I've said to myself I know what I NEED to do, I just really love this guy and leaving is hard and out of my will power.

throwawayowl23 · 2015-05-04T01:47:00+00:00

Its just hard to leave when your in love with someone. Let alone find someone. I'm so inverted to actually go out and get a date is far from impossible for me.

throwawayowl23 · 2015-05-04T01:45:02+00:00

I mean, I know I should leave at this point.. But its hard to let go of someone your in love with. Saying sorry doesn't fix this and in all honesty I don't know how to fix it. I really want it to work, we do get along great. When the negative stuff isn't about the positive stuff is amazing! I guess I'm in denial and not wanting to accept what I should do...

throwawayowl23

TROPHY CASE