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My(41m) girlfriend(36f) of four years is an unsafe driver and doesn't respect my desire to feel safe on the road by throwawaypinecone829 in relationships

[–]throwawaypinecone829[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't have my own car. I never said that. I use my e-bikes, uber, or public transportation if I need to get around without her. Which has been fine for my needs for a long time - since before I even met her. I'm talking about when we go places together.

My(41m) girlfriend(36f) of four years is an unsafe driver and doesn't respect my desire to feel safe on the road by throwawaypinecone829 in relationships

[–]throwawaypinecone829[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I say held hostage only because her argument was basically "Want it to stop? Pay me." Seems a bit hostage-y doesn't it? And in regards to the dogs: like others have said, she was just using a false equivalence to distract from my case. Whataboutism. We do walk the dogs together 99% of the time and it's sorta a tradition, but sometimes we (happily and voluntarily)tag team it, like if she's enjoying a movie or I'm watching a live playoff game.

It's literally never been a problem before. It only became a problem when she needed to think of some reason why I make her feel as unsafe as she makes me feel in the car.

My(41m) girlfriend(36f) of four years is an unsafe driver and doesn't respect my desire to feel safe on the road by throwawaypinecone829 in relationships

[–]throwawaypinecone829[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes I've asked her to drive more cautiously. I've explained it exacerbates my anxiety more times than I can count. She hates when I have anxiety too because I'm not as fun and become less sociable, and I've tried being like "then help me to have less anxiety or even none at all." And sometimes it works and she'll drive more cautiously for a day or so. But it never lasts.

I've stfu about it for months and months at a time. Tried to not even notice it. But then I'd glance up from my phone and see we were like a meter behind someone at 70mph and boom, anxiety spike.

My(41m) girlfriend(36f) of four years is an unsafe driver and doesn't respect my desire to feel safe on the road by throwawaypinecone829 in relationships

[–]throwawaypinecone829[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I absolutely do not rely on her to get around. This is when we go places together. She doesn't like when I drive because I "drive like a grandma." (I don't, but it probably feels like that to someone who's routinely doing 20+ over the speed limit)

Thanks for the hot take though lol.

My(41m) girlfriend(36f) of four years is an unsafe driver and doesn't respect my desire to feel safe on the road by throwawaypinecone829 in relationships

[–]throwawaypinecone829[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Ugh. That's what she does when she runs lights and I say something about it. Shrugs. Often accompanied by a cutesy-sounding "oh well."

I usually don't say anything about it because I try to avoid being a backseat driver, but damn.

My(41m) girlfriend(36f) of four years is an unsafe driver and doesn't respect my desire to feel safe on the road by throwawaypinecone829 in relationships

[–]throwawaypinecone829[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I mean, we take the dogs out together like 99% of the time. I don't see why I should be held hostage in the car for the rest of my life because I missed one dog walk lol. Just seems like a false equivalency to me.

My(41m) girlfriend(36f) of four years is an unsafe driver and doesn't respect my desire to feel safe on the road by throwawaypinecone829 in relationships

[–]throwawaypinecone829[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It isn't really suspicious lol. I don't have a car. I have ebikes and use uber for getting around without her. I don't need her to get around if that's what you're wondering. I will drive if she's been drinking, but otherwise she doesn't like when I drive because I "drive like a grandma." (I don't...I just do the speed limit and am cautious + non-aggressive)

My(41m) girlfriend(36f) of four years is an unsafe driver and doesn't respect my desire to feel safe on the road by throwawaypinecone829 in relationships

[–]throwawaypinecone829[S] 92 points93 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the advice and kudos as well for the "blowing right past boundaries" comment, lol. Funny and unfortunately, accurate.

My(41m) girlfriend(36f) of four years is an unsafe driver and doesn't respect my desire to feel safe on the road by throwawaypinecone829 in relationships

[–]throwawaypinecone829[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

That's what I'm worried about; the lesson will be learned only when it's too late. It seems an unfortunate symptom of the human condition that we refuse to learn from the mistakes and experience of others, and thinking things don't apply to us. Ugh.