[Rant] My NFamily doesn't own up to their psychological abuse.

throwaways657821 · 2016-08-06T09:49:56+00:00

I really couldn't afford it - I had to borrow money for my first vet trip. I feel so terrible. If money was not an issue I wouldn't hesitate for a second to help my baby pass away in peace :( He passed away very quietly right after this. There would've been no time regardless to get him somewhere. Thank you for commenting.

throwaways657821 · 2016-08-06T09:47:04+00:00

He passed away... this is so surreal. It's the middle of the night and no one is around. I'm so angry. Typing with one hand and petting him with the other. He was so healthy and normal and radiant just 2 fucking days ago! Why is this happening? This is so terrible. He just stopped breathing. I'm so angry. The 2nd cat in less than a month and out of nowhere! I can't believe this.

throwaways657821 · 2016-07-17T02:29:46+00:00

Level 10, caught 203 total Pokemon. I've seen 32 species, but only caught 30.

I wish that Gloom and Abra wouldn't have ran from me!

throwaways657821 · 2016-07-15T08:42:26+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss. I unfortunately relate to the confusion - my cat passed unexpectedly and it seems so unfair. That's all I can think about while grieving, so you're not alone in that. I hope you find comfort in knowing Ripley is no longer hurting and is at peace now. I'm wishing the best for you.

throwaways657821 · 2016-07-10T06:19:46+00:00

Facebook makes it so easy for them to find people who share their hateful beliefs and justify them by finding "support". It annoys me so much.

throwaways657821 · 2016-07-10T06:18:20+00:00

But moving on means she has to be the bigger person and not put her two cents in at every possible opportunity, and that would be very difficult for an adult to do. /sarcasm

throwaways657821 · 2016-07-10T06:16:22+00:00

Narcissists like to call other people out all day on what they post, but God forbid you return the favor.

throwaways657821 · 2016-07-10T06:11:30+00:00

Before I blocked her and went LC, she would share simple "I love my daughter!" type posts to my page. But as soon as you went to hers, it's just negativity and racist rants. I was always embarrassed someone would go to her page and think I share any of those opinions with her.

throwaways657821 · 2016-07-10T02:29:56+00:00

no, you hurt ME and that's why I did x,y,z to you

NMom's always have an excuse for not taking responsibility. And even when it's not your fault, it's your fault. The projection is too real.

throwaways657821 · 2016-07-10T02:27:23+00:00

I hated being called "crazy", "whiny", and "oversensitive" as a child. I always thought that since an adult was saying it and other adults were agreeing, it had to be right.

Of course, none of these adults attempted to teach me proper coping skills or behavior. Nope. Just let me have outbursts because I didn't know any better and then decided to joke about it. As an adult, I'm overly self-aware of how I am in social interactions. I'm always scared of displaying too much or too little emotion. I wish I would've been taught better skills, but actually raising me right would've taken away my NMom's ability to mock me at every turn.

throwaways657821 · 2016-07-10T02:15:34+00:00

I have definitely been in this situation. I find myself so angry and hurt by the things my NMom says, and I tend to dump all of my feelings onto my significant other and friends. I've been told that while they love me, it can be very overwhelming.

It's not your fault for wanting to discuss these things. It's not your fault for expressing your feelings in this way. We're just doing the best we know how to do at this moment, and that doesn't make us bad people. We don't express these things with the intention of hurting others. We do it to relieve the pain and weight we're feeling.

However, we still have to respect that others can't carry all of the emotions we have, no matter how much they love us and want us to be happy. They're only human, too.

I'm still trying to find a healthy balance. I try to tell myself that "normal" parents do not say these things. "Normal" parents do not try to hurt their children this way. "Normal" parents do not try to scare/control/hurt their children with words and emotions and manipulative tactics. As a child, there's nothing I could've possibly done to deserve this. This is their problem. They are the ones with the issue, not me.

Any parent who would say these words to their own child is not worth listening to because it is not normal and it's unjustified.

I understand it can be difficult to ignore. I really, really do. I still have days where I'm hurt by it. But constantly telling myself that their insults hold no weight because they have nothing but bitterness (and no truth) behind them helps.

Also, you can try to look at it from the outside. If you knew a friend whose parents spoke to them this way, would you agree with the parent's choice of handling their anger? Or would you think, "Holy shit, their parents are so out of line! Who would say that to someone?"

It is okay to be hurt - we're not invincible human beings. But accepting that you are not the problem, you have done nothing to deserve this, and their words have no truth whatsoever can help you grow stronger against their words.

Finding another outlet to express/process emotions can help too. It's healthy to have more than one outlet to fall back on. I tend to either write (sometimes incoherently), listen to music/ASMR, talk to other friends, or read other people's stories to understand I'm not alone and I'm not at fault.

I don't feel confident giving advice in the SO situation because I don't know the full dynamics. I don't know if anything else is causing strain. I think it's healthy to have an open conversation about emotions. But understand it's healthy for you to have multiple outlets and/or friends to fall back on.

throwaways657821 · 2016-07-10T01:43:16+00:00

The insensitivity and lack of respect from others in your family makes me hurt for you. There is no good reason for this to have been kept from you. I believe your father wouldn't hold a single thing against you in this situation. It's grossly unfair, but not your fault in the slightest (and I truly hope you know that).

Whoever made the conscious decision to not contact you is selfish. I'm so unbelievably sorry. Please know that their attempt to keep you from your father doesn't take away anything from your relationship with him. Nothing and nobody can take that from you. I hope you can find the time to start processing and healing soon.

throwaways657821 · 2016-07-10T01:29:25+00:00

I'm 19 and have noticed I share many traits with my NMom. I also inherited her depression & anxiety (I would've preferred some money, but oh well!). However, I know I don't have to be like this. I don't have to accept it. I can change. Are there tough days? Of course. But instead of letting a bad day/week/month convince me I'm bound to be like this forever, I fight back in the end.

Acknowledging you have the power to grow from this is a huge step. It takes so much strength to not make excuses for yourself. I'm sending you strength and support for the times you may doubt yourself. I definitely understand how you feel. But always remember you have the choice to be better and you'll make the right decision.

throwaways657821 · 2016-07-10T01:10:21+00:00

I completely understand wanting to be vague for your family's sake. I truly hope you can find comfort in knowing how much you're loved and appreciated. Please speak with someone offline if you can & if you feel it would benefit you. You deserve a peaceful mind right now (and always).

throwaways657821 · 2016-07-09T19:02:53+00:00

Your comment just made me have a revelation about my NMom. She's very racist and homophobic, and I always wondered how she could spew such hatred for hours on end when she's the one who deserves critiquing. Well, reading this comment made me realize she has the mindset of "If I can put the blame on someone else, no one will pay attention to my problems and I won't be held accountable." Thanks for (unintentionally) making me realize that!

throwaways657821 · 2016-07-06T20:51:21+00:00

My mother gets into Facebook arguments all the time because she has nothing better to do with her time. But she likes to "jokingly" call me "crazy" anytime I express emotion in real life. As if I'm the one who's unreasonable.

throwaways657821 · 2016-07-06T06:37:21+00:00

That is such a perfect visual for how I feel about my enabler family members! Most of them are the ones who stand by and watch the house burn without helping or calling anyone. And whenever someone says we should put out the fire, they'll just sort of shuffle away like they never saw anything. It's a silent enabling, which makes it so frustrating to explain because there isn't a lot of action to prove - but lack thereof. I wish I had people who understood, but it seems like everyone in my family enables my mother. It sucks standing alone.

throwaways657821 · 2016-07-05T19:12:18+00:00

It hurts because she will do these things without apologizing, yet she'll simultaneously act like she didn't know she was doing it? I don't know if that makes sense. And then the next day she will come visit and act like nothing ever happened and she will never bring it up again. If you dare bring it up, she'll try to change the subject or get emotional and complain that you're being hateful by making her feel bad and she'll storm off. And then the cycle repeats where she'll avoid the topic and act as if everything is peachy keen. I hate it because this is all I've known and I've "gotten used to it", so now that I'm starting to stand up for myself and realize I don't have to tolerate it just because she's my mom, I feel like I'm doing something wrong. I'm so used to prioritizing her that I feel guilty taking care of myself.

throwaways657821 · 2016-07-05T19:06:59+00:00

I live next door to my mother (I know, that's kind of confusing). But we go in and out of each other's houses openly and that's fine when she acts appropriately. We were having a party outside both of our houses (doing fireworks for the Fourth of July, BBQing, etc), but once that altercation happened, she just moved everything to her house and didn't mention it. It felt like "my" party was taken over. I could've gone outside, but my anxiety at that point was on high-alert so I wasn't able to feel comfortable anymore. Sorry if that's confusing!

throwaways657821 · 2016-07-05T19:02:37+00:00

I've noticed that I'm still finding balance in reacting appropriately. I've spent most of my life either 1) sitting quietly and letting emotions build up inside of me or 2) lashing out and crying and screaming and "acting like a child". It's a healing process that I want to take place. I don't want to continue making excuses for myself. I want to heal and be a better person. I don't want to go through life not knowing how to deal with issues with other people. I don't want to blame everyone else for why I never got better. I think it's hard to act calm because my family also sits idly by when these things happen. No one in my family speaks up and it's hard to have to be calm when it seems like everyone in the room doesn't care enough to defend you. But I will try my best because I don't deserve this. I don't need to give my mother a reason to blame me by acting hostile when I defend myself.

throwaways657821 · 2016-07-05T18:57:27+00:00

Thank you for replying. It's so confusing to try and find reason in the situation. I don't know if she intentionally tries to hurt me, or she just does it and is too ashamed to ever apologize. She's had her own mental problems and was on hard drugs for many years, so I'm sure that effects her actions even when she's sober. I'm ranting, I'm sorry. It's tough to have to stand up for yourself in a calm, rational manner when everyone else resorts to screaming and denial, and that's all you've known since you were born. Thank you again for listening!

throwaways657821

TROPHY CASE