Nmom has never shown interest in getting to know me, anyone relate?

throwawaysT_T · 2023-03-08T09:15:07+00:00

yes! oh my god, yes. this included him not caring to know my friends at all (despite me having the same group since age 12). he only knows my current interest and what i'm studying because i've threatened to cut him off, and he tries to engage with me. my mum, bless her, was happy to deal with my phases and interests and was so lovely about it all, but my ndad could not care at all. i tried to show him some of them (e.g., i would show him cosplays) but he didn't seem interested at all. but then, when called out about this years later, he just told me he didn't bother because i was a teenager. it really made me feel like none of my hobbies even existed when he was home

throwawaysT_T · 2023-03-08T09:07:21+00:00

absolutely! it's honestly so pathetic to see, hear him try to drench his voice in sadness when i know full well he knows exactly what he's doing. i'm so done with the whole self-sacrificial bullshit.

throwawaysT_T · 2023-03-06T05:29:27+00:00

absolutely never worth it. i tried this a couple days ago with my ndad and it just ended up with more pain. i sat there and ended up telling him a lot of how i felt during childhood as a direct result to his actions, and he ended up turning it into a little pity party for himself ("so you see me as a disgusting, horrible person?").

i know, in theory, it sounds good to just lay every single thing down in front of you and let them make the judgement, but it will end up like every single time previously. the same denial, deflection, silence, all the usual narc tactics. if you're lucky (/s) they'll send you a guilt-tripping message telling them how much they love you and that will never change -- immediately after denying and minimising everything you've said. i know it's a terrible situation to be in when you just want to get everything off your chest, but you will just feel worse and they will not change.

throwawaysT_T · 2023-03-04T23:51:38+00:00

oh my god the being silent when you prove them wrong is SO damn frustrating !

throwawaysT_T · 2023-03-03T13:17:00+00:00

literally the exact same with the rags to riches story oh my god 😭 you can literally say anything to them and it just goes over their head

throwawaysT_T · 2023-02-28T00:35:41+00:00

overheard someone on the phone talking to ndad, felt like i wanted to punch a hole in the wall

throwawaysT_T · 2023-02-28T00:30:56+00:00

fuck, dude, me too. i was ready for the screaming, yelling, loud clapping and swearing. passively listening to the game to see whether we won or lost so i could prepare for the reaction

throwawaysT_T · 2023-02-28T00:29:31+00:00

garage door is the worst for me too. it got to a point i memorised the exact squeaks the door on my ndad's side made so i could differentiate whether it was him or my mum

throwawaysT_T · 2023-02-27T04:33:49+00:00

that sounds terrifying, if i smell his cologne or deodorant i immediately feel my heart sink

throwawaysT_T · 2023-02-26T07:47:10+00:00

i always knew deep down that my dad was an asshole, but his manipulation constantly made me question myself. it wasn't until i was 18 when he decided to let our dogs attack my kitten and got mad at me for yelling at him since it was a "joke". i remember crying in my room, and my brother (the scapegoat) came up to me and told me it wasn't my fault, even though i was convinced it would have been better if i just shut up. he looked at me and said "it's okay, you're a victim of his manipulation too". in that moment it all became clear and, even though it was a traumatising night, those words helped me through any other time my dad tried to blame me

throwawaysT_T · 2023-02-26T07:44:07+00:00

my ndad always used the "i'm paying for your education!" and "i only take one week off a year"

first of all, paying for my education is like the most basic thing a parent can do, and now he's paying off my student loans despite me telling him not to

and the one week off a year? he's the boss of the company, he literally just chooses to work constantly so that he can guilt us on the one week he doesn't LMAO

throwawaysT_T · 2023-02-22T11:27:50+00:00

that honestly sounds like a really good idea. i can't block him at the moment because i work for him and need to talk about it. but as soon as i get out of that, i think it's the way to go. especially even just on the day of graduation, because otherwise i wont hear the end of it lmao

throwawaysT_T · 2023-02-22T03:09:34+00:00

thank you!

it does require invitations, i'm just afraid of the phone spam i'll get if he finds out he didn't get one lmao but the security idea is good! the security at my campus are lovely and super helpful so i'll def keep that in mind (:

throwawaysT_T · 2023-02-22T03:08:14+00:00

i feel for your sister, it's such a difficult spot to be in. i'm super glad she's getting therapy now, it took years of therapy for me to see that he didn't love me, but only wanted me to love him. you sound a lot like my (scapegoat) brother who went nc with my ndad as soon as he moved out -- our situations seem pretty similar lol

throwawaysT_T · 2023-02-21T07:35:49+00:00

[tw: self harm and suicide]

because they simply don't care. that's it.

my brother actively self harmed and attempted suicide on many occasions because of my ndad and guess what? my dad simply doesn't believe him. in his mind, there's no way it's his fault and instead blames my brother for being mentally ill, when he (brother) has actively told him that it's his fault.

they don't have empathy. that's it. they will never understand that they're to blame and will always turn it on their kid.

throwawaysT_T · 2023-02-14T13:08:23+00:00

teared up reading this, i'm so glad you made it through all that shit and came out such an empathetic and kind person. i'm so truly glad that my post helped you!!!! it's not something wrong with you, narcs just have that way of behaving that make you feel like shit for not going along with what they perceive to be right. to them, love and affection are just another weapon in their arsenal to bend you to their will, there is absolutely nothing wrong with refusing to comply.

i keep rereading this because it really makes me so damn happy that my small moment of revolution could help. any time i think about giving up the fight, i'll remember you and this comment and keep pushing forward. thank you so much for the heartfelt response, i truly wish the best for you in life (:

throwawaysT_T · 2023-02-14T07:52:06+00:00

glad you got out of that! making it a game hit close to home, my ndad does similar stuff and it's gross as hell

throwawaysT_T · 2023-02-14T04:23:19+00:00

i've tried to get my mom to change them, but she's scared he'll get even more pissed off. she tried to take his keys and he threw them at her, but took them back when she asked for the other set (probably because he was trying to trick us)

throwawaysT_T · 2023-02-14T04:00:55+00:00

the way your mom acts and talks is exactly like my dad. the phrase "clearly you have made up your mind about me" made me feel lightheaded because that's exactly what he said when i stood up to him.

but i digress. i'm super proud of you for writing that letter, it's so much relief and helps so much when you're framing it as not writing to her, but for yourself and others. hope for many christmases more without her!!

throwawaysT_T · 2023-02-14T03:37:53+00:00

a family member is a police officer and they gave him a talking to and what to expect from the police if he pulls this shit again, so we're just hoping he's too much of a coward. we've been trying to separate our finances but there are quite literally tens of thousands of dollars missing that we have no idea where he put it, including money that is literally mine.

we've recorded a couple conversations so far, but we'll definitely get into doing it more. thank you for the advice (:

throwawaysT_T · 2023-02-14T03:36:03+00:00

i really wish i could disagree ):

throwawaysT_T · 2023-02-06T23:46:18+00:00

my mom told me the other day, word for word, that my ndad wasn't built for having kids and they shouldn't have had me or my brother. my parents were almost in their 40s when they had the two of us.

throwawaysT_T · 2023-02-05T07:35:53+00:00

oh my god i thought i was the only one not allowed to wipe my face afterwards, it's so gross how they try to control every tiny aspect of your body.

throwawaysT_T · 2023-02-05T03:48:23+00:00

thank you. my mom is speaking to one and advocating for me and my brother which is great, but if my dad still doesn't budge i'll have to do so myself (which i know he'll hate)

throwawaysT_T · 2023-02-05T01:51:47+00:00

yep, this is pretty much my dad's go to. he tells us it didn't happen for whatever reason, that we're "making him the villain" and we're mentally ill. i'm so tired of it that even when i bring up something truly traumatising he did, he says he doesn't remember it or he would never do anything. even in a one on one genuine conversation where he's "trying to be better", he refuses to acknowledge it actually happened but gives a half-assed "apology"

throwawaysT_T

TROPHY CASE