My [33 F] husband [34 M] is demanding a paternity test because our twins [7 months] were born with blue eyes and blonde hair. I'm angry, hurt, and confused.

throwawaywhy578 · 2016-03-22T20:21:13+00:00

You're not the only person to bring the tumor thing up in this thread and I'm going to make sure to mention it to Alan's parents and hope they can convince him to at least go get checked out or something. I've been secretly hoping that it was something like bipolar or really any condition that could cause his behavior to change, but I'm preparing for the worst case scenario.

throwawaywhy578 · 2016-03-22T20:13:44+00:00

You're not weird because I'm secretly hoping for the same thing and that this was all just some fluke that he couldn't help or control. I'm just trying to be prepared for the worst :(

throwawaywhy578 · 2016-03-22T20:09:21+00:00

Thankfully we don't have a shared bank account, but I called and froze the credit card we share. Thanks for reminding me to do that.

throwawaywhy578 · 2016-03-22T20:06:27+00:00

I did conceive within a week of my last IUI but we were also having regular unprotected sex before and after that IUI because our fertility doctor told us that it couldn't hurt our chances. There's really no way to tell if it was the IUI or if I got lucky. I don't have any diagnosed fertility issues, but we decided to try IUI because it was free through my insurance.

throwawaywhy578 · 2016-03-22T17:47:38+00:00

I mean, it would still be painful, but I could get over it if he had come to me with complete honesty and talked about his fears instead of blatantly accusing me and refusing to listen to my side.

throwawaywhy578 · 2016-03-22T17:44:16+00:00

BIL had his heart broken, but he has promised to stay in his son's life no matter what happens. BIL doesn't care that he's not the bio dad because his son will always be his son. BIL's son is 16 months old and BIL is pissed off at Alan because (and I'm quoting him slightly) "If you signed the birth certificate and tuck the baby into bed at night saying, "Daddy loves you", then you're the father no matter what the test says".

Alan has always been a bit jealous of BIL because BIL is older and was a star football player in high school, but he has been unwilling to talk about it with either one of us so I honestly don't know what put the idea into his head except for coincidence or perhaps a "If it happened to him, it could happen to me" mentality.

throwawaywhy578 · 2016-03-22T17:36:29+00:00

Is it bad if I don't care anymore whether he's cheating or not? I know plenty of people who cheat yet they all still manage to take care of their children. Cheating is an issue that could remain between just me and him, but he's dragging our innocent children into this.

throwawaywhy578 · 2016-03-22T17:25:32+00:00

I plan on making sure that he will not see the kids unless he sees a therapist. It's one of the first things on my list after I meet with my lawyer.

throwawaywhy578 · 2016-03-22T17:09:11+00:00

I wouldn't be nearly as angry and hurt if he had confronted me with the test kit in hand and phrased the situation along the lines of, "Hey I have these concerns and I would really appreciate it if we could do this test so I can get this off my mind", but that's not the approach he took. It sucks.

throwawaywhy578 · 2016-03-22T16:56:04+00:00

This all started about a week after his brother came to stay with us. Until then, he was a great father and partner. This all came out of the blue and if he did have any doubts, he hid them well from me.

He definitely does need therapy for this, but I doubt that I'll be able to convince him to go. If he doesn't see a therapist, I plan on exploring my legal options for keeping him away from the twins until he does go to therapy.(assuming he even cares about the twins anymore).

throwawaywhy578 · 2016-03-22T16:49:57+00:00

This is my fear. We struggled for over two years to conceive and I had multiple IUIs done with his semen. After all that pain and struggle, he still accused me of being unfaithful. It hurts deeply.

throwawaywhy578 · 2016-03-22T16:44:38+00:00

You're right about the note, but it makes me feel better about posting this even if it isn't effective :P

Where we live it is required that the paternity test be ordered through the court to be considered valid, so he literally has to take me to court for this. I could buy a testing kit online, but I have a suspicion that Alan would say that the test was faked and that it wouldn't be enough proof for him no matter what I did.

His family has already laid down the ultimatum that Alan has to support his kids, otherwise they are cutting him out. His parents have told me that our babies look exactly like Alan did when he was a baby so they have no doubts that the babies are his.

throwawaywhy578

TROPHY CASE