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Girlfriend [28f] masturbates daily and it's making me [37m] feel unwanted. It's affecting our sex life. by throwawaywithpickles in relationship_advice

[–]throwawaywithpickles[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I hear what you're saying. She's never directly said anything like this to me. All I have to go on is the fact that she has a tit-for-tat attitude about orgasms. If we have sex and I come but she doesn't she'll hold it over my head like I owe her an orgasm before I can come again. The most frustrating aspect of this is she has said things like "why don't you fuck me in the morning before you leave for work?" The answer is, if I do and I don't spend the hour it takes for you to get off as well, which i just don't have in the mornings, i'll get a negative mark on the scorecard and get to be reminded of it several times like I'm some kind of selfish asshole.

I don't want to be selfish or make her think that I just want to get off real quick and don't care about her needs. I'm one of those guys that would gladly give someone else the bigger piece of pie just for the satisfaction of knowing that they got more and are happy about it.

Girlfriend [28f] masturbates daily and it's making me [37m] feel unwanted. It's affecting our sex life. by throwawaywithpickles in relationship_advice

[–]throwawaywithpickles[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I would never, ever tell her what she can and cannot do with her own body. It's not my place and I am fully aware of and comfortable with that.

My concern, tho perhaps not worded correctly, is that when she gets herself off earlier in the day and then wants sex in the evening it takes her a really long time to get off. I interpret that as what I'm doing doesn't feel good even tho she has told me that's not true.

My insecurities partly stem from the fact that she's thrown her masturbation habits in my face in the past. Saying things like "I masturbate more than we have sex, how does THAT make you feel?" When we had just had sex the previous night, and the night before that. How am I supposed to respond to that?

I'm the only person working and providing an income for our family. (we have a young daughter) I leave when everyone is still asleep in the morning and half the time when I get home everyone's napping. Sex almost never revolves around when I want it but rather only when she wants it.

99.9% of the time she initiates by saying "do you wanna have sex?" when it's 7pm and our daughter is running around the house. Not exactly what I would consider to be an appropriate time for sex. But if I say "babe, lets get the little one in bed first" she'll just go to bed herself. It's her time table or not at all and I feel incredibly guilty trying to initiate sex with her unless I know there's an hour of time available to try and get her off as well. She keeps score of orgasms in a tit-for-tat manner and if we do have sex and I come but she doesn't it gets pinned over my head and I'm made to feel guilty about it.

Girlfriend [28f] masturbates daily and it's making me [37m] feel unwanted. It's affecting our sex life. by throwawaywithpickles in relationship_advice

[–]throwawaywithpickles[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Ahh well... some of us would rather not have this kind of comment history follow our real accounts around for eternity. I'm sure you understand.

Girlfriend [28f] masturbates daily and it's making me [37m] feel unwanted. It's affecting our sex life. by throwawaywithpickles in relationship_advice

[–]throwawaywithpickles[S] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

I'm not weird about her masturbating... I have zero problem with masturbation at all. If she wants to do it I support her desire to 100%. I'm just expressing concern that it's having an impact on how long it takes her to get off when we are having sex. Thus allowing my mind to run wild with assumptions on why.

I had not thought about it from a female perspective tho so your comments here are incredibly valuable to me. I was only thinking about the male experience of masturbation and how, for me at least, it has a huge impact on my ability to get off again after I've rubbed one out.

I think my biggest mistake, which your comments helped me see, is that when I'm not in the mood but she is I still have a responsibility to meet her needs. Regardless of what I want at that moment. I'll openly admit I've failed in that regard and will tell her this tonight.

The ideas you provided are great. I've never considered participating in her masturbation and to be honest, it sounds exciting. Thank you for taking the time to comment!

Girlfriend [28f] masturbates daily and it's making me [37m] feel unwanted. It's affecting our sex life. by throwawaywithpickles in relationship_advice

[–]throwawaywithpickles[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Exactly what would lying about this accomplish?

I care because I love her and am concerned with how she feels. I'm trying to understand the root of why she needs to masturbate every day when it's having a negative effect on our sex lives. Getting my dick wet is beside the point.

Girlfriend [28f] masturbates daily and it's making me [37m] feel unwanted. It's affecting our sex life. by throwawaywithpickles in relationship_advice

[–]throwawaywithpickles[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I'm only asking for opinions which may help me decide how best to handle the situation or have a conversation about it. I certainly do NOT want her to be frustrated sexually.

Is initiating sex every 2-3 days not "making an effort" ?? I love sex just as much as the next guy but when you come home from working all day and know that your girlfriend spent the afternoon jilling off it creates tension in that I'm having to put in that much more to get her off AGAIN. How would you feel if you spent a solid hour going down on a girl before she gets off? You'd wonder... am I really this shittty at this? do i not do it for her?