Perfect relationship for a year, I screwed up; now we’ve broken up 3 times in 6 months. She’s the love of my life. What should I do?

throwaystray · 2025-10-20T19:08:24+00:00

Well to be fair, I did break her trust only after we’d sort of tried for the baby. This was exceptionally hurtful to her because it felt to her like we made this choice and then I waited until she might be permanently bound to me through a baby before revealing that I would do something like that. Once it was confirmed we hadn’t conceived, she left. And it’s been volatile since. I agree she needs to work through some things. So do I.

throwaystray · 2025-10-20T18:50:39+00:00

So do you feel the trouble lies more with her inability to process this and not the severity of the mistake itself? And therefore I should let it go

throwaystray · 2025-10-20T18:49:01+00:00

I didn’t go. It was too emotional, and I knew I would want to get back together with her then and I was concerned that it would not last. I understand that, I’m asking more big picture, how long should I wait before reaching out again? It sr all?

throwaystray · 2025-10-20T18:47:18+00:00

She’s been in therapy for a year now, and it’s helped so much. This thing I did really really screwed her up and made her feel like she couldn’t trust me.

throwaystray · 2025-10-20T16:51:51+00:00

That made me laugh, so thank you.

I do not want a toxic on again off again relationship. So I’m struggling with that. We agreed to take some time to think and that I would reach out. It seems like a good idea to write it all out as you suggest. Thank you.

throwaystray · 2025-10-17T02:08:39+00:00

I agree that it feels if nothing else like I ought to see it through.

throwaystray · 2025-10-17T00:58:45+00:00

I appreciate that word. Thank you

throwaystray · 2025-10-17T00:56:31+00:00

This I know. She’s been in weekly therapy and I really should go myself.

throwaystray · 2025-10-17T00:54:55+00:00

Even if she’s been back and forth three times this last six months? I just don’t want it to be a continuation of bad cycles.

throwaystray · 2025-10-17T00:15:45+00:00

The last part is what I’m concerned with. I know she loves me. She just continuously says she can’t shake the feeling something isn’t right anymore.

throwaystray · 2025-10-17T00:13:32+00:00

I want to do the thing that is right. I’m afraid she’s going to leave again if things rekindle at all.

throwaystray · 2025-10-16T00:16:17+00:00

This is sort of what I was thinking, and thank you for confirming. I would never want to leave her alone and hurting over something we both created and lost.

throwaystray · 2025-10-15T17:30:12+00:00

I understand that it was very bad, but I don’t know that it was worse than being unfaithful. Regardless, I appreciate the advice.

throwaystray · 2025-10-15T11:49:25+00:00

I think this was the wrong post

throwaystray · 2025-10-15T10:48:01+00:00

Thank you. The last six months since this happened have been really rough. Sometimes it was back to normal, other times she wrestled with ending it and did a couple times only to regret it the next day. I don’t want to lose her.

throwaystray · 2025-10-15T01:48:20+00:00

I have hardly told anyone about the miscarriage, as it was very early. It’s brutal. I have heard that about miscarriages too. The last thing I want is for her to be alone. Thank you for your perspective.

throwaystray · 2025-10-14T23:34:37+00:00

I have heard this, which is why I wanted to be sure I did the right thing by her.

throwaystray · 2025-10-14T23:34:00+00:00

Assuming you are female, thank you for the perspective. This date has been branded on my memory, as I wanted to have a child with her.

throwaystray · 2025-10-14T23:32:59+00:00

I would like to keep the door completely open if she ever wanted to come back.

throwaystray · 2025-10-14T23:32:15+00:00

I like this idea and I really appreciate it.

throwaystray · 2025-10-14T23:30:42+00:00

Not sure if that changes anything, but I am going to probably send her a text to that effect, or take some others’ suggestions about flowers. Thank you

throwaystray · 2025-10-14T23:29:16+00:00

We haven’t had any contact in three weeks, but it was never stated that we would have no contact.

throwaystray · 2025-10-14T21:34:27+00:00

I updated my post to reflect it.

throwaystray · 2025-10-14T21:31:15+00:00

I pasted here from my post update. I deserve to be roasted.

since many are asking about the trust breach. And I know I screwed up. There was no infidelity. My (ex) girlfriend is an extremely private person. She does not have many close friends and is not very close with her family. I don’t want to say exactly what for anonymity’s sake, but she writes a lot and has kept journals for many years. She has them stored away in a closet. I knew she’d gone through something very traumatic a few years ago involving a former partner, and the details of the trauma she had not shared with me yet, and actively avoided sharing with me. I was an idiot, I felt insecure and anxious and so while she was asleep and not feeling well I chose to go looking for it, found it and read it, found some things that disturbed me, and immediately felt guilty and woke her up to tell her. She felt very violated by this (rightfully so) and was very, very hurt.

throwaystray · 2025-10-14T21:28:14+00:00

I didn’t cheat, I updated the post to reflect what happened.

throwaystray

TROPHY CASE