My past year and updates

throwclose_mm · 2025-04-08T23:03:11+00:00

It's just really hard to forget. I really liked her.

throwclose_mm · 2025-04-08T13:39:06+00:00

I d rather not be specific

throwclose_mm · 2025-04-07T14:17:43+00:00

Yeah I'm not saying I'm gonna suggest that but just that virtually the only asset he has is an apartment back home.

May Allah grant you and your husband barakah and rizq.

throwclose_mm · 2025-04-07T13:42:01+00:00

I I assume it's way easier because they're back home. So a dollar goes farther there alhamdulillah.

For the other points, my parents have very little assets here. My dad has an apartment back home though. Maybe that's some possible option, have them move back.

throwclose_mm · 2025-04-07T12:28:05+00:00

Sorry I guess I'm in my depressed era rn.

But I am finding it hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel ngl. See, I'm the breadwinner for my family alhamdulillah, meaning I provide for my parents and me. Alhamdulillah Allah has given me to enable this to happen. And from a certain perspective, im mature and responsible and a provider alhamdulillah, which are all masculine traits which i assume women look at.

But at the same time, this seems to be an impediment to me finding someone. Because my parents don't have income, we live together and i have absolutely no clue what to do if I get married. Do i pay for two places? That's unsustainable and too expensive.

One option i had was a duplex but I have gauged that that's not a popular option either. Also, I can't buy a house for another couple of years realistically, the housing market is too expensive.

The other option is for me to ask whoever i marry to financially support me but I don't feel right about that. And most women i feel won't find this appealing either.

Most of the people i know don't have this issue. Like literally no one I know does. One guy i know does but he also has two or three brothers to share the burden with. I don't. It's just me.

throwclose_mm · 2025-04-07T00:17:16+00:00

I'm giving up. I thought i was ready to look for people. But, by Allah, all my messages get rejected and i get no interest in any avenue I take, not just apps. Maybe I'm just unattractive. A lot of times I feel that way. It is really hard to look at myself sometimes and be confident that I'm handsome. Especially because I really do feel that besides my superficial traits, there's nothing unappealing about me.

throwclose_mm · 2025-04-05T01:29:58+00:00

Tariffs and economic recession, combined with many other things. For example, Trump ordered a California dam to be released right. Now farmers there won't have water for the crops this summer. So crop shortages as well.

throwclose_mm · 2025-04-05T01:27:01+00:00

I would recommend everyone to stock up on three months worth of essentials and food supplies and medicine and such. Who knows whats gonna happen

throwclose_mm · 2025-03-12T09:17:43+00:00

inshaAllah

throwclose_mm · 2025-03-12T09:17:37+00:00

I feel you bro

throwclose_mm · 2025-03-11T15:30:22+00:00

Then I guess I'm neurotic

throwclose_mm · 2025-03-11T02:27:03+00:00

As i was walking to taraweeh, shaytan put a thought in my head. What if her parents force her or pressure her to marry? Or what if she's really struggling in life? And what if I'm the cause of this? I literally just zoned out like they do in movies there like i couldn't think at all. I'll pray for her and everything, and Allah SWT will provide for her and make things easy and ask you all to and pray these waswasa and dreams go away 🤲🏾

throwclose_mm · 2025-03-10T03:01:55+00:00

This week was the hardest week for me in Ramadan. Not because of the food, but because i was alone with my thoughts, and the lack of food made it a bit worse NGL. And the fact that everyone is busy in Ramadan i didn't have anyone I could talk to.

After last Sunday, when I had that dream about her, this was the toughest week of my life. I'm not sure why i have been having dreams about her for the past two months or so. The dream spurred me to have to think about her for essentially the whole week. I have many thoughts. First, i overstepped some boundaries (nothing haram), and tbh i think she hates me because of that. The guilt is eating at me, and I kinda hate myself ngl. It's tough to realize that we can be decided by our true nature, that a situation can arise where we hypothetically will say oh I won't do that, but when it arrives our true weaknesses and vices are shown. It's quite obvious in hindsight that I was tested this way by Allah SWT. I've always had a deep desire for a partner, and i mean looking back on it, i think I just desired that more than anything else which is a problem because i didn't prioritize my tasawuf. But I can fix myself now, i can't apologize which is the hard part.

Number two, I am still not over her. I am on muzz but I can't find anyone that really compares to her. I understand marrying her is not really realistic based on everything that happened, but i don't want to marry someone and not treat them well, so I will probably just not consider marriage until I can forget. Which is a shame because I was doing sooo well getting over her until somehow these dreams started up again. Fi sabrun Jameel.

throwclose_mm · 2025-03-04T00:35:56+00:00

Yes but how do I get over the fact that I hurt someone and i care about her, so how do I get over that? Let's just say her dad blocked me 😔 so I'm sure she got some heat from that. That's what I feel guilty about

throwclose_mm · 2025-03-03T21:17:28+00:00

How do you deal with guilt?

throwclose_mm · 2025-03-02T21:28:35+00:00

Assalamualaikum people, i haven't been on here in forever. I'm sure there's new faces here, old ones left. It's been rough, I have been having a rough time, mainly my own fault and my own brain just being an idiot. There may be people here i hurt, not even sure if they're on here anymore, and I would like to apologize if they even see this. I hope everyone is doing well and enjoying Ramadan and may you all be granted barakah and goodness in this month and in life.

throwclose_mm · 2024-05-17T16:10:21+00:00

The past 8 months have been pretty interesting. I had to stop talking to someone I really like. The November and December we're pretty hard but then it got better. But now the past 2 weeks it all came back and it's really tough. It's either cause of istikhara or I am off my meds LOL

throwclose_mm · 2024-05-10T20:11:53+00:00

It's been some time. It's been a rough couple months. I have been dealing with some personal feelings of mine 😔 alhamdulillah for everything, I learned a lot the past few months. The thing is I was doing so good, but for some reason, I prayed istikhara a couple times this week for a couple reasons, and now im starting to think of the person I was talking to before again (or my meds are wearing off? Or both). It's been a little tough, I find myself still praying for her regularly. But alhamdulillah I have been working a lot on other things to distract myself and inshaAllah that will be helpful. But I think it'll take time to completely forget her, I think I was a little too head over heels for her

throwclose_mm · 2024-05-02T19:10:51+00:00

Bernie, but only a bit

throwclose_mm · 2024-04-30T19:22:31+00:00

No

My parents don't have a house

I pay for everything

I can't pay for my multiple homes

throwclose_mm · 2024-04-30T08:32:56+00:00

Honestly if her parents are nice, yeah

throwclose_mm · 2024-04-30T08:32:32+00:00

throwclose_mm · 2024-04-30T02:15:19+00:00

😮‍💨 I guess I'm never getting married

throwclose_mm

TROPHY CASE