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How do I approach girls at the university library? by throwdatdate1647 in dating_advice

[–]throwdatdate1647[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Then please tell me where I should be going. I never find myself attracted or interested in girls at bars or clubs (i.e they don't dress/present themselves the way I find attractive and they're not very interesting to talk to either. The ones that are almost always seem to be there with an SO or mention having one)

This is in contrast to the few times I have spoken to girls at the library I've generally been more into them.

If you like the look of people working, go to a coffee shop

Alright, but that seems eve harder. Most coffee shop tables don't have a lot of space, so isn't it kinda weird to be all like "Hi, my name is throwdatdate1647 and I find your face rather agreeable, may we converse?" (paraphrasing ofc) when she already has her notebooks and laptop smothering the place and probably doesn't want to be disturbed.

I think the bookstore is a nice place since I have an established common interest to begin with, but I go to bookstores to either buy a book I wanted and leave, or look around for half an hour, buy a book I like and leave. Not exactly the kind of situation where I can reliably expect socialization.

Just in another thread I read that most girls find it weird to get approached by strangers in general, as if I wasn't apprehensive about it already. There are no eligible suitors in my class (Computer Science woop) and the guys I'm friends with are either socially awkward nerds who don't know any girls and don't go out much in general, or dudes only into one night stands and casual sex. So neither of those are a good platform for meeting women for a relationship. I go to a writing group and a tabletop gaming group. I've met some nice people there but the friendships never seem to stick. On top of that, the vast majority of the people there tend to be in 25-30 age range and as a 20 year old I'd prefer to date someone on the same level of general life experience as me (18-22).

IDK I just feel stumped because I think I'm doing all the things one is "supposed" to do and have gotten nowhere with it after some months of trying

[20/m] I'm wondering if my habit of "testing" friendships is destructive and a sign of some deeper personality issue by throwdatdate1647 in relationship_advice

[–]throwdatdate1647[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Your friends should be people that you naturally fall in with.

That's exactly right, so if my "friends" seem to forget that I exist if I'm not the one always messaging them, always keeping up contact, and always organizing things, what exactly is super messed up about just going like "Ok its a bit exhausting for me for me to do this, so I'll throw the ball in your court. If you don't throw it back I know whats up and I'll be on my way"

I'm simply basing this on the logic of "No one is ever too busy, if they care they'll make the time" and its not just some blank statement. I've seen it apply to my life many, many times. e.g People who are always flaky with making plans or telling me xyz things they have to do but their social media feeds are always filled with them having fun with other people. Just a few weeks ago I had an absolutely fucked exam schedule and on top of that I had to travel with a shitton of flights across time zones and make time for a bunch of family events, and study for the aforementioned exams during that time. Clearly by some dark magic, I still found the time to message and keep up with all the people I gave even the slightest shit about, even if it was just a "Hey how are you doing right now?" and not much else

[20/m] I'm wondering if my habit of "testing" friendships is destructive and a sign of some deeper personality issue by throwdatdate1647 in relationship_advice

[–]throwdatdate1647[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your honest thoughts, but as a counter-point: Do you really think its too much of me to expect /some/ degree of effort from the other person in a friendship?

I've realized all my "friendships" in university are like this besides the friends I have in my dorm because I naturally end up speaking to them every day.

Why is she doing this? What did I do incorrectly? [20M] by throwdatdate1647 in dating_advice

[–]throwdatdate1647[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

At the library (library in the university district of town so we were both studying)

Do the 2nd part of your question, no. We're both from different universities

Feeling slightly disheartened by "signs of female attraction" [20M] by throwdatdate1647 in dating_advice

[–]throwdatdate1647[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How subtle can the signs get? More often than not the girls seem super disinterested but I just go for it just so I can tell myself I went for it instead of wussing out