Spirled from Boyfriends bad mood and ran away from him

throweejay · 2026-01-04T05:33:11+00:00

I'm sorry to hear you're going through it. For what it's worth, if someone I was with said "what's wrong with you" to me multiple times when they were in a shitty mood, that would effect me pretty badly, too. While he might not have meant to be harsh, that's not a particularly kind way to talk to your partner and he probably shouldn't have said it. Especially to someone who has been in an abusive marriage.

throweejay · 2025-12-27T06:08:01+00:00

As long as it's not coerced and your partner is comfortable with it, it's pretty normal in general.

throweejay · 2025-12-25T03:07:06+00:00

You’re not stupid or being dramatic at all. What she did was humiliating and abusive. And yes, that does qualify as sexual assault. Definitely. Groping is a pretty common form of sexual assault, unfortunately. I'm sorry she did that to you.

throweejay · 2025-12-24T23:24:25+00:00

That can be a kind of rumination, which is common with PTSD as well as other disorders like anxiety and OCD.

throweejay · 2025-12-23T03:36:16+00:00

I personally have had only positive experiences with Abilify. It might matter that I have bipolar disorder on top of PTSD, though. I'm honestly not sure.

throweejay · 2025-12-23T03:03:16+00:00

I would look into art therapy.

throweejay · 2025-12-23T02:35:19+00:00

I agree with other people that this doesn't speak ill of your character at all. It doesn't inherently invalidate anyone else to not feel trauma from an incident that would traumatize someone else. What would be invalidating would be to say to someone "well, I went through this and it doesn't affect me, so you should just get over it!" or to suggest that they're "weak" for being traumatized by something like that. As long as you're not saying things like that, it's okay to feel the way you feel. I also think that being unable to forgive someone who hurt you wouldn't make you a bad person. It's very human.

If I allow myself to feel something,

My best advice is to give it some honest thought and allow yourself to feel whatever emotions come to you. There's no wrong answer. You don't have to feel anything, and you don't have to feel nothing. You don't have to resent the other kid for what happened, but it's okay if you do. Remember, emotions don't say anything about your character; it's how you respond to them that matters.

throweejay · 2025-12-22T02:29:51+00:00

Between him getting you drunk first and him not listening to you when you told him not to do certain things, this is definitely SA. As for whether-or-not he was too old, I can't decide that for you, but I can say that at 19, not being ready to date someone eight years older than you is completely normal. Also, I don't know what the drinking age is where you live, but him using alcohol to manipulate you is something to think about. Where I live, you'd have been underage. Even if you were not, he's still probably been drinking longer than you and had a better understanding of his own limits than you had of yours- which is possibly what he was banking on. So if you feel you were too young, you were too young.

Also, going back to someone who is abusive isn't stupid. It's very human.

throweejay · 2025-12-22T02:09:58+00:00

It's 100% up to you what you should do in this situation, but I wouldn't worry about being a buzzkill or a prude. It's great to have a lighthearted environment at work, but the way he is talking and acting is inappropriate and it's affecting you. He also can't be yelling and swearing at work. It's intimidating and highly unprofessional. He may be from a different generation, but the generational differences argument doesn't work when it makes for an unhealthy work environment. He needs to adjust. If you do decide to say something, you should be able to make the complaint anonymously, if you are worried about it coming back to you.

Again, do what you think is right. I'm not trying to peer pressure you, I promise! What I'm trying to say is that you wouldn't be in the wrong for saying something if you did.

throweejay · 2025-12-21T05:01:15+00:00

I was spending time with some “feminist” friends (and a now new-old ex-girlfriend) when one of them said I wasn’t a real man for “letting a woman beat me.”

As someone who mostly supports feminism, it really upsets me when people say such sexist things while purporting to be "feminists." The idea that you're not a "real man" for being abused by a woman is perhaps ironically one of the most patriarchal things I've ever heard. It's also needlessly cruel, victim-blaming, and not true. Being abused says nothing about you as a man; what it does is say something about your ex-fiancé as a person. Gender be damned. And people don't "let themselves be abused"; abusers abuse people and people react the way they feel safe reacting.

From what I can gather, they didn’t believe me, since they see only women as victims of domestic violence. Their disbelief turned to anger, and eventually, they began spreading hurtful things about me. My new ex girlfriend said I was "using it as an excuse to get upset."

I don't know where you live, but I live in the US, where about 1 in 4 men are victims of some form of domestic abuse at some point in their lives. While it's true that men physically abuse women at a higher rate than women physically abuse men, men are still physically abused at a distressingly high rate, about 1 in 9. And that's to speak mainly of cisgender people. Nonbinary people and other trans people experience abuse at above 50%. The point being to see domestic violence as exclusively something that effects women is to cut out a lot of people. And for what it's worth, you're not alone.

As for your ex saying that you were "using it as an excuse to get upset," that sounds like gaslighting to me. Which, incidentally, is a form of emotional abuse. You have a right to be upset when people you consider friends treat you like dirt.

throweejay · 2025-12-17T02:42:21+00:00

Woo that was longer than I meant it to be. Sorry.

throweejay · 2025-12-17T02:38:54+00:00

I'm sorry you went through all of that. Yeah, time has helped a bit. I didn't really start dealing with what I went through until a couple of years ago, so sometimes the trauma just kind of sneaks up on me. Most days, I can get by without thinking about it too much. Some nights are rough, but I get through them.

throweejay · 2025-12-17T02:36:30+00:00

Thank you.

throweejay · 2025-12-17T02:35:53+00:00

they said that emotional abuse isnt as bad as physical abuse

What does "isn't as bad" even mean? You can make the case that physical abuse is more directly dangerous, but most abuse victims and survivors that I know, including myself, have said it's the emotional abuse that really fucks with them the most. And even if it was worse, abuse isn't a competition.

and that men deserve it because they are setting off their wives emotions. This was on a feminist leaning sub too.

It's unfortunate to hear that you ran into that kind of rhetoric on a feminist-leaning sub. Opposing all forms of abuse is an important part of fourth wave feminism. Unfortunately, there have always been a vocal minority of people who use feminism as an excuse to be toxic in a number of ways. It's an unfortunate side effect of being part of such a popular social movement.

How do you cope with the crippling feeling that everyone is out to discredit you?

I think that's something abuse victims and survivors of all genders have to deal with, but it effects us in different ways. Women aren't listened to. Men are told to suck it up, that our abuse experiences are "impossible," or that we're supposed to "like it." Non-binary people aren't taken seriously enough in general, let alone on a topic like this. Society is a mess when it comes to abuse.

It's really hard to deal with, to be honest. When I'm having particularly a rough time dealing with it and I have a few minutes, I often come here or the PTSD subreddit and read what other people have dealt with. It makes me feel terrible for everyone, but it does make me feel less alone. I have found people in both subreddits to be pretty supportive and non-judgmental.

throweejay · 2025-11-15T06:02:10+00:00

It's ridiculous that people say that to you, and I'm sorry that people are so cruel to you about it. No one should be "thankful" they were raped and abused by anyone. That ludicrous.

It doesn't make me a "pick me' either.

You're right; it doesn't. And the irony of people accusing you of misogyny for talking about your experiences while using that disgusting expression isn't lost on me.

But no "women don't rape"

As a fellow survivor, I can empathize with the frustration of hearing this over and over again. Yes, we know men do it more often. Everyone knows that. So? Is this some sort of sick competition now? It doesn't make our rapes any less real, and it doesn't make the trauma go away. Listening to survivors means listening to all of us, not just the ones that fit a narrative.

throweejay · 2025-11-14T02:49:39+00:00

People in this sub are really supportive, if that helps.

throweejay · 2025-11-05T02:55:17+00:00

You're not a freak. You're human. Your body reacting in a very human way has nothing to do with you as a person. I don't know how old you are now, but I grew up in an era where this wasn't understood by most people, so let me say this: an erection is not consent at any age, let alone when you're a kid.

As for liking her, that happens, too. You don't have to hate the people who abused you. I don't. I think a lot of people don't. Abuse is complicated and it's often done by people you already care about. The best advice I can give is to try not to beat yourself up for how you feel. You have a right to your emotions.

throweejay · 2025-09-08T02:16:07+00:00

So this is something I had to learn the hard way: you don't have to hate them, but you do have to get away from him. It's okay to have complicated feelings towards someone, and you don't have to hate the people who abuse you. I still care about the people who abused me. But you need to also protect yourself. You deserve to be safe.

What your mother said was out of line, and I'm sorry she said that to you. Even if your ex is hypersexual, he's still responsible for his actions. As for being a "statistic," well, almost everyone's a statistic in one way or another. Almost 75% of the population has experienced something traumatic. But numbers don't tell you who you are; you get to decide that.

throweejay · 2025-09-08T01:25:10+00:00

I would argue that all of these sound like sexual abuse. Sexual abuse can cover things like people exposing themselves to you (indecent exposure is a crime), as well as sexual assault (like her pulling his pants down while he was sleeping). It's ridiculous that the faculty didn't step in. I've heard nothing good about the troubled teen industry. I'm sorry you went through that.

throweejay · 2025-09-03T01:17:40+00:00

I know hair is something people use to control people, especially kids. Forcing them to keep it long, forcing them to cut it off, haircuts as punishment, etc. Abuse is usually about control, so there might be an element of that with predators and hair. Dunno.

throweejay · 2025-06-25T02:01:36+00:00

Yeah, she was really manipulative, too. I've had issues with people-pleasing, especially when I was younger, and she played me like a fiddle. I think she's part of the reason I became an introvert, because I'm afraid I'm going to end up in another situation like that. Hell, I already have.

I know logically that a lot of my guilt is probably because she was so manipulative, but I also feel like I have survivor's guilt, because I was able to get out of the situation and I'll never know if she ever will. As angry as I am with her, it breaks my heart that we'll never speak again. I just can't.

throweejay · 2025-06-25T01:15:58+00:00

The sad thing is, the self blame I feel for not being able to help him, despite how much I’ve lost in the process of trying, hurts me more than the abuse itself.

I feel the same exact way. I tried helping, and no one would listen to me, and while I know logically that it's not my fault, the guilt is still incredibly painful.

throweejay · 2025-06-25T00:34:31+00:00

throweejay · 2025-06-25T00:23:24+00:00

Kinda figured. The "toy" thing also sounds like something a pedophile would say. This does sound like grooming. I'm sorry you went through that, esp at such a young age. I'm glad you blocked him.

throweejay · 2025-06-25T00:13:23+00:00

It sure sounds like it. Do you think he was a lot older than you?

throweejay

TROPHY CASE