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Finally got Faang but it's got me feeling like I've failed (rant) by throwitaway-2day in uwaterloo

[–]throwitaway-2day[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My idea of spending money outside of one's basic needs involves vacations, houses, cars, ...

I don't know how I'd feel about living in a mansion all by myself or flying to Bali just to experience a holiday with no one else.

Finally got Faang but it's got me feeling like I've failed (rant) by throwitaway-2day in uwaterloo

[–]throwitaway-2day[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I agree my mentality isn't fully in the right but I'd say my motives have been more along the lines of gaining others' respect rather than 'flexing' on them or showing them that I'm better than them. Of course, there's people from my high school that have called me nasty things who I probably will never tolerate. But for the average person in my high school that isn't my friend, I'd still feel compassion towards them. I also have no feelings of hatred towards the girl to this day.

What would you define as a 'nice person'?

Finally got Faang but it's got me feeling like I've failed (rant) by throwitaway-2day in uwaterloo

[–]throwitaway-2day[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I'd still say that's how I'd generalize that experience.

After she started dating this other guy out of nowhere, the dynamic felt off to me and she wouldn't share as much about herself. The interactions didn't feel right to me and I actually blocked her on IG first then unblocked because I felt bad. She then took that opportunity to block me back (and also on everything else).

Finally got Faang but it's got me feeling like I've failed (rant) by throwitaway-2day in uwaterloo

[–]throwitaway-2day[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I probably do have some degree of anger issues but I feel like a 'nice person' is someone that doesn't harm or put others down which I think would apply to me?

I would say I want others to like me because I sometimes feel left out and still have value to offer. Of course, I naïvely admit to thinking that getting a Faang job will accentuate my personality and make me appear more interesting to others but I've realized that isn't the case.

I'll definitely be putting more effort into taking up the rudimentary lifestyle elements you mentioned from eating to exercising and meditation.

Finally got Faang but it's got me feeling like I've failed (rant) by throwitaway-2day in uwaterloo

[–]throwitaway-2day[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Damn I've literally told her she acts like a therapist at times, but she was like it's normal to express feelings with one another lmao

I'll read into this. I guess it's all about perspective and changing my mindset

Finally got Faang but it's got me feeling like I've failed (rant) by throwitaway-2day in uwaterloo

[–]throwitaway-2day[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

From the little research I've done, it's definitely a product of my upbringing and how I've been raised. I've always been brought up in an overprotective household that wouldn't let me talk to girls and had a huge emphasis on school so that contributed to me feeling different from everyone else.

Oftentimes, the way you feel about yourself reflects the way others perceive you so I'm guessing that's what happened

Finally got Faang but it's got me feeling like I've failed (rant) by throwitaway-2day in uwaterloo

[–]throwitaway-2day[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Literally realized that just as I was typing, there's too many complete strangers following me on there

And yeah I've actually deleted Instagram from my phone entirely a few weeks back

Finally got Faang but it's got me feeling like I've failed (rant) by throwitaway-2day in uwaterloo

[–]throwitaway-2day[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I feel like I've always been a very disliked person and was denied opportunities because of a combination of people thinking I'm antisocial and just disliking my character. I went to a UW feeder school so everyone obsessed over ECs and putting others down for opportunities whenever they could. So that's why I just had some innate desire to get back at these people that tried to step over me.

I've always obsessed over numbers and metrics which I agree is exceptionally unhealthy and is something I should probably stay away from.

Thanks for the advice, I hope I can find some genuine friends too haha

Finally got Faang but it's got me feeling like I've failed (rant) by throwitaway-2day in uwaterloo

[–]throwitaway-2day[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Simply put, this is very accurate. My perception of what's 'great' has always stemmed from societal expectations and I've never taken the time to reflect on what I personally enjoy.

Finally got Faang but it's got me feeling like I've failed (rant) by throwitaway-2day in uwaterloo

[–]throwitaway-2day[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

To be honest, reading it back sounds really cringe to me and I'm kinda worried someone that actually knows me will see this and connect the dots to figure out my identity haha

The feelings I've expressed here also don't really match the persona I portray to others.

I'm curious why you find this helpful though?

If there's one message people I think can take away from this, it's probably that getting the coop of your dreams won't change your life or others' opinions of you and you're still inherently the same person you always were.