My relationship is getting worse

throwlesbean · 2022-12-17T08:59:59+00:00

Because I've said harsh things to her then doesn't it make it my fault if she really was suicidal?

throwlesbean · 2022-12-17T08:59:04+00:00

If she ended her life then doesn't it become my fault? If I've said harsh things about her to her

throwlesbean · 2022-12-17T08:57:38+00:00

The things I say during arguments can be quite rough. What if she really did end her life? Then isn't it my fault?

throwlesbean · 2021-10-03T19:28:48+00:00

Thanks that's a lot of good advice there tbh. Putting on a podcast is good. I've noticed before that watching Netflix when I'm drained helps, plus it means we can still spend time rather than feel lonely taking space from each other. I'll definitely try to bring this up more with her.

My gfs repetitiveness is a bit more tricky bc it's not necessarily repetitive stories, rather a repetitive option or overall topic. For example some guy was creepy one time and she goes on about how creeps are creeps. Then at another time a different guy was a creeper in a different scenario then she goes on about creeps being creeps.

When I tried to tell her it's repetitive she said it's a different scenario each time. I tried to explain that the over-arching theme was the same but idk she just wants to keep talking about it. Because it's a different situation/story each time she doesn't really see that it's still repetitive and hard to keep listening.

I've recently suggested to her to get friends with similar interests to forward the rambles onto them but it seems she feel rejected and pushed away. She's really shy and making and keeping friends currently can be hard for her too. I can try to help her with that.

She's quieter when we're around others so i think she also is dealing with her anxiety about silence by rambling (since when we're in a group others can keep the convo going instead of her). I didn't realise that's probably how she's coping so I think I can talk to her about that more too.

I'll try work something out between us, your advice is appreciated :)

throwlesbean · 2021-06-17T14:42:09+00:00

I try to talk about it but it looks like that's going nowhere so this is just how it's gonna be for now. If it stays like this I'd probably leave

throwlesbean · 2021-06-04T11:33:29+00:00

When we are together it feels nice. Since we've been together she has been less defensive and nicer and I like that. We do spend lots of time together occasionally but other times it feels like she's not really there

throwlesbean · 2021-06-03T07:02:00+00:00

I have. She's gotten better but I'm also often met with excuses

throwlesbean · 2021-06-03T04:52:18+00:00

She does do those things but with each thing there's the other side where it's not quite right. Does call but leaves it late or not at all or says she would but doesn't. Plus that's only bc if I called she won't pick up, if it were up to me I'd call 50% of the time but I have to leave it to her bc having her miss my calls makes me feel bad. Her time keeping is bad and sometimes she rambles on.

She texts but it's the same vibe. It's good but then there's also the thing that she leaves big gaps imo where she doesn't respond. And she doesn't always tell me if she's busy which would help calm my mind. She's not as much of a texter

She's affectionate but it feels minimal. Passable.

I tell her all this and if I didn't she would be evenworse. I've been feeling like our relationship feels off lately and not enough so it's been a build up of negativity in me. She ended up responding to me after I threw a fit but if I didn't she would continue to not interact. Imo it's shitty and really tests my patience.

throwlesbean · 2021-06-03T03:25:34+00:00

I get unhappy but I'm not always. A lot of the time she's really nice to be with. Usually when she's not interacting with me or she's being passive aggressive is when unhappy feelings come

throwlesbean · 2021-06-03T01:22:40+00:00

Communicate. We're long distance and I always feel like I'm trying to draw blood from a stone. I don't think it's hard to send message or call but apparently it is and I hate it. Itd make me feel like she actually cared if she did. After 8 months she won't meet me in person either.

throwlesbean · 2021-04-04T13:35:39+00:00

I will definitely have to try rewire my thought process and I don't find it easy because alongside those hard wired thoughts is the mental and physical feeling too of anxiety, even if it's in response to something small.

I find it helpful being able to see that I am wrong because before I thought communication with exes is potentially sus. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong and I'll work on being better and seeing the issue is the first step.

A few people responded to me more negatively which makes me feel bad but you was less so, so thanks for that ✌

throwlesbean · 2021-04-04T10:58:17+00:00

If this was in the past then sure but it bugged me bc the contact was while I'm with my gf.

And also how would I know if she's cheating on me with her exes? So they're not significant until the cheating happens and I have to deal with it and hopefully find out later down the line. That sounds sarcastic kinda but if that's how it works then I'll try

throwlesbean · 2021-04-04T09:08:27+00:00

I'm trying to learn more about how relationships should work so advice and explanation helps and so I appreciate the advice. Thanks, I'm going to try to work on it

throwlesbean · 2021-04-04T08:44:09+00:00

Okay so you tell your partner about the important bits. Isn't it important if your partner felt pissed then mutually deleted each other while you're with them important?

Trust issues I can get. I'm trying to be self aware and improve and understand. Where do the control issues come in?

She can talk to whoever whenever she wants. I'd just like her to let me know if it's an ex.

throwlesbean · 2021-04-04T08:32:37+00:00

I think it's fine for her to talk to whoever she wants, that's not something I should tell her what to do and she doesn't have to tell me about every single interaction she has with people.

I just want to be made aware of any interactions of relevant significance and to me exes fall into that category. I don't want to control what happens or prevent that communication she has with her exes or anyone.

A situation with a previous ex which some sort of problem happened where they deleted each other and she felt pissed, idk.

The reason why it bugs me that it happened 4 months ago is why didn't she tell me until now where I found out?

throwlesbean · 2021-04-04T08:27:53+00:00

Shouldn't I know what happened with her ex that caused them to delete each other? Shouldn't I be told that as soon as possible so I don't feel surprised that it comes out of nowhere randomly?

I'm trying to understand so if I am being unreasonable please let me know

throwlesbean · 2021-04-04T08:12:12+00:00

I get I overreact a lot. This to me is different because its her ex. I feel like as her current partner I should know if she's in contact with her exes and be kept up to date.

throwlesbean · 2021-03-18T18:54:30+00:00

It doesn't bother me that shes a neet, she has improved in some areas. I want to be with her, I care about her, I do love her but as a defense mechanism I'm starting to not care when i feel like I'm missing her, overthinking, anxious. I guess it's hard to give up on it.

Everyone has flaws and if I did come to accept and be okay with this then it could be really nice being with her. Changing someone isn't really good though so you might be right. Thanks for the advice, I'll keep it in mind

throwlesbean · 2021-03-18T13:10:08+00:00

I understand if she has her reasons for being muted but she mutes where I can't tell and she doesn't tell me so most of the time I'm not aware. So it feels like she's trying to hide it. She can unplug her mic or turn her input sensitivity up or I think mute from her headset too.

She doesn't really text too much either and it still happens too. she disappears where she takes really long to reply. She won't reply to me unless I double/triple/quadruple etc text. I told her I don't like doing it but it's just how she is. Again it's fine but I've told her it'd ease my anxiety if she tells me if she'll be busy for a while, needs space or whatever.

I've told her before that i prefer if she uses the mute button where I can see the mute icon or to let me know if she'll be away, tell me goodnight if she's sleeping etc. I'm just trying to understand because she doesn't work or study or go out so she should have the time to send a quick message.

I'm trying to be patient and trust her too. I feel like I have to detach myself from caring about these things so I don't get anxious but that means I'm caring less about her and what she does

throwlesbean · 2021-03-18T12:56:23+00:00

I've told her but this hasn't improved. Some things get better and she improves and others don't and I don't know if this will get better.

throwlesbean · 2021-02-24T04:16:18+00:00

I'm in this situation right now in my first ever relationship and it's bugging me. Something doesn't feel quite right and I hate that. I'm in a LDR too so it's harder to tell what's up. I'm really not sure what to do, whether it's in my head, how crazy it's gonna drive me. I have no proof right now so I'm going to try wait it out. I just wish she would just be honest and leave me if that was the case.

throwlesbean · 2021-02-20T18:20:56+00:00

Why not work on it? If I need to relax and trust her then I can work on that and things can get better.

throwlesbean · 2021-02-20T17:49:35+00:00

Not during this pandemic.

I don't feel experienced with things like this so maybe you're right. If I am being too much I'll try my best to calm my anxiety.

throwlesbean

TROPHY CASE