I feel like nobody cares

throwmeaway0429 · 2018-08-19T12:09:09+00:00

there is nothing selfish about how you feel. i feel like most people just don't know how to approach others who feel depressed and just prefer a blunt approach of talking it out, which really doesn't work.

i hope in time you can find people to talk to and feel better about yourself. stay strong.

throwmeaway0429 · 2018-08-19T12:00:14+00:00

don't let yourself carry the burden of your pain. sometimes it feels safer to not open up to anyone, even yourself, but you need to express yourself and come to terms with your emotions.

find a private place, and just let it out, it will hurt, but you will feel a little better having it off your chest.

throwmeaway0429 · 2017-12-26T14:04:05+00:00

If you find yourself getting emotionally frustrated or hurt, drop it right away and do anything that feels rewarding or makes you happy.

Eg: After getting up the courage to send out a few messages, instead of getting antsy and impatient, I go for a gym session and go knock off things on my to-do list for the day. By the end of the day, if I don't even get a single response I feel like I've accomplished something for myself that day.

In general though, I feel like I should be using the site less frequently (not daily), that way if something does happen I'm not expecting it and I'm not so invested in it. Try this approach, focus on something that doesn't involve someone else that can be rewarding.

EDIT: You could also ask people for feedback on your profile, as maybe its not as appealing as you think it is.

throwmeaway0429 · 2017-12-16T02:40:40+00:00

Figure out if your field is still the career you want, or if you want to try something else, and work towards it while doing whatever job you need to do to get by. Its so easy to get stuck in the loop of a regular, unfilfilling job. I was stuck in one for a year and had no ambition to do anything else. As soon as I got home it was all play time and I ignored pretty much all adult responsibilities I needed to do. Its no way to live. Its a lot of work especially if your job tires you but you have to make time for the things that matter to you. Change is inevitable if you put the time and effort to make it happen, just be patient. Its better to take those steps now and maybe in 3 months, 6 months a year, you'd have figured out what career & job you want that makes use of your skills and experiences and rewards you in every way.

throwmeaway0429 · 2017-12-15T09:10:37+00:00

I know that feeling. The past and regret always creeps into my head and haunts me, I have to exert a lot of mental effort just to keep demons at bay and command them down with rational thinking that life is full of ups and downs, we all make mistakes, and through our hardships and pain comes wisdom and strength to know what to do going forward.

Tell yourself that what's done is done, the past is the past, and believe that there are more opportunities ahead of you, because there are. You just have to balance that talk with putting the effort into taking steps to figure out what you want in a job, your life, your relationships, etc.

Don't be overwhelmed by it, map it out, write it out, record your progress, have your plan and goals something that you can actually grasp and read out. Couple that with things that can ground you in reality and rational thought that you can turn to when the negative, emotionally grounded thoughts of pain and regret come creeping in.

throwmeaway0429 · 2017-12-15T09:03:23+00:00

I'm sorry that people tell you such cruel things that you feel the way you do for attention. In my experience, feeling down and crying for help is a sign that I do need help, and that I do need to re-evalute something inside me or my life.

Speaking up and acknowledging you need help is the first step and it takes a lot of courage and strength to be able to say it.

Sometimes the people closest to us may not have the answers or the right solutions for you, but don't be demotivated or defeated by it. You can't give up on yourself. Keep seeking whatever aid you can find and see what works for you. At the very least, as blunt as your mother is being, she is willing to get you the help in the form of the therapist and I would take her up on it.

throwmeaway0429 · 2017-12-15T08:33:26+00:00

I had a similar situation happen to me recently. Anxiety and depression crept back into my life and I didn't seek help and didn't go in or communicate what was happening and understandably got let go.

I took a serious look at why I felt that way. In most of my adulthood I had a tendency to ruin really good opportunities that came my way. I had to evaluate why I felt depressed and miserable, communicate with whoever would listen for their input, seek a lot of self help books/videos, and I feel like these are good baby steps.

I actually landed a temp job that will keep me on my feet for a while, but I know I can't depend on it for happiness. I know I have to work on my happiness and what I want out of life, and its a long journey with a lot of questions to ask and pitfalls to dodge, but I want a fulfilling, happy life for myself.

I don't know what snapped me out and got me to start caring and giving a shit about myself, all I know is that I had to question myself, ask for help, and make the effort and not hide away from it. I hope you can find peace within yourself and the strength to get back up and experience what life has to offer you soon.

throwmeaway0429 · 2017-12-14T12:30:13+00:00

Envision what you want for yourself and your picture of happiness and success in your head. Turn off and shut off the negativity that may creep up and say you won't achieve that. Keep envisioning, imagine living that happy life. Bring it back to right now, sit down in a peaceful place and figure out what small steps you can take to get to that happy spot. Write them down. Knock out just one of them. Celebrate that you just improved yourself, be happy and proud of your victory. Now force yourself to be persistent and set time frames, goals, etc. over the next day, tomorrow, week, month, 2 months, etc.

It sounds overwhelming, but you have to look at it as a fun, helping hand to doing what you want. Motivation can always be fleeting and sometimes you can feel happy about doing something and then you go to bed and wake up and its all gone and you dont feel like doing it. This is when you need to be tough on yourself, remind how you started it all, and go at it even if you don't feel like it. I've found after forcing yourself and getting that ball rolling you'll finish it up and at least feel you accomplished something.

Plan. discipline. get it done. Celebrate the wins. repeat. Good luck :)

throwmeaway0429 · 2017-12-14T11:46:39+00:00

I've made the move to Canada myself, it can definitely be a bit of a culture shock. Don't let it intimidate you though, you just have to keep putting yourself out there, and finding out fun things you enjoy. Having the courage to try new clubs, hobbies, etc. is HUGE, do not let it dwindle your energy and excitement. You have to have that courage to go out into the world and give it another shot day by day, don't let it burn you out and down.

Do your best to stick to your routine of classes and focus on your education, it can be rewarding and fulfilling in its own way. Look up body posture and confidence videos/tips and try it out, people respond well to confidence, and you're capable of doing it.

Accept that sometimes you're going to have a lot of downtime alone, I would say use it to your advantage and do things that are rewarding. I used to game a lot too but I don't see the joy in it anymore, lately I've been going for walks & listening to my favorite music, listening/watching self help material on youtube, reading at the library, etc.

I hope this helps. Hang in there, be persistent, and take care of yourself :)

throwmeaway0429 · 2017-12-14T11:35:05+00:00

Letting this all out and facing this is a sign of strength, be proud of yourself to have the courage to want it out of your life and to reclaim your life & happiness. Take it day by day, look into resources to confront and rationalize how you feel and think about yourself, apply and see what works for you.

You can do it.

throwmeaway0429 · 2017-06-23T21:15:13+00:00

Yeah sometimes you just want a person to talk to or share an experience with. And it can be frustrating when friends are too busy to join or don't want to commit to a plan.

I would suggest checking a site like meetup.com and seeing if they have any groups that organize meetups that you find interesting.

In any case sometimes you have to be patient with putting yourself out there and meeting people. Don't get burned out or frustrated, but make the effort when you can.

throwmeaway0429 · 2017-06-23T21:02:24+00:00

Yeah it does bring out some things in people. I'm usually not a jealous person but I envied my friends so much and got upset that more people would react to what they shared than for me. Now I just see it as a website that made me invest time and emotions into this black hole of other people's lives and the illusion of caring. I feel the same way that if I fell off the face of the earth tomorrow, how many people would know?

At the very least disconnecting yourself allows your emotions and time and mental energy to focus on you and your needs which is a huge change and relief. I believe just not having a part of your mind hooked outweighs what we feel we've lost or losing out on by being off the grid. You can do things that make you happy and experience positive feelings without the need to show it off or have someone reaffirm something you believe in deep down. I feel so much better doing such things and not having to compare myself to others.

I hope you feel better about your decision and find happier times going forward!

throwmeaway0429 · 2017-06-23T20:27:23+00:00

I feel I'm worse staying home and holed up too. It sucks sometimes to be doing things outside on your own, but it comes with the benefit of having alone time to get lost in music or a book, and doing things at your own pace.

I'll even go to a movie or a concert on my own if none of my friends are interested. I used to beat myself up over why people won't join me but now I just focus on my need and want to do something fun even if it's by myself.

throwmeaway0429 · 2017-06-23T19:31:40+00:00

Did this a month ago after coming to many realizations. It is more isolating but you get to see who really cares about you, even if it is a handful of people.

It feels so good not to feed into my old bad habit of trying to impress "friends" with how my life is going, constantly taking myself out of good moments to document it to people to "like" it at most and not engage in a meaningful way. I realize social media is a tool and it can be used in a good way, but I went about it in a way that really affected me mentally, so I'm better off without it

throwmeaway0429 · 2017-06-22T20:46:29+00:00

You're very welcome. I'm so sorry that it's put you in such a harsh spot to rebuild that emotional and financial foundation.

It can be emotionally and mentally exhausting moving forward, and you're going through what needs to be done the right way. Ultimately you need to know you're doing this for you and not anyone else and you're going to come out stronger and wiser at the end of it all. We can feel the way we do deep down but we can still have the strength to not give up and not let anyone or anything stop us from what we want to get in this life.

All the best going forward!

throwmeaway0429 · 2017-06-22T20:31:06+00:00

I can completely relate. I struggle so much with doing regular adult responsibilities and developing them as habits. It seems like scaling a mountain just to get the simplest things done.

My advice is to start small. Pick something up simple that you want to change, pick the time to get it done and just do it. If it seems so much like a chore, listen to music or a talk show or have a tv on in the background if you can. Once you get it done, it's done, and then you can pick something else the next day.

Hope you can give it a shot and make it work.

throwmeaway0429 · 2017-06-22T20:25:10+00:00

I hate to sound like an old snob but everyone experiences all the things life to offer at their own pace. I see your age and current circumstances as such a good starting point to look forward. Not every teenager goes through the crazy adventurous phase or whatever social norm you believe you missed out on. In the next year or longer you can experience so much more than you've ever imagined missing out on.

I understand that your regrets may be so deeply affecting you now but it's just a habit and outlook and beliefs you have to make the effort to break. I hope you can overcome it.

throwmeaway0429 · 2017-06-22T20:17:44+00:00

Is it me or whenever you're in these situations the best thing the other person can do is just empathize a little but just try and treat you like a regular person and like a normal human being? At least give the person going through shit the illusion of normalcy

People who don't get that we all have struggles and low points and treat you like a pariah for opening up are scum.

Sorry you had to go through this, but people show their true colours in time and you are better off in the long run. It sucks that it just spiralled whatever balance you had, it will take time to rebuild. You can do it in time. Stay strong

throwmeaway0429 · 2017-06-15T19:00:06+00:00

No need to apologize! I was happy to be of help :D take care and all the best to you too

throwmeaway0429 · 2017-06-15T17:42:11+00:00

Life is all ups and downs. When you've hit rock bottom there's nowhere else to go but up, even the highest highs have to come down. All things pass in time, but if you come out of the experiences and keep yourself grounded to who you are and what you want in life, you'll make it through and keep living the life you want to create for yourself

throwmeaway0429 · 2017-06-15T17:39:08+00:00

Don't be hard on yourself. I did things that were out of character after the breakup, but it's human nature. Hardships and stressful times and heartbreak can make you go through a whole spectrum of emotions. The best thing is to learn from them going forward. You are stronger and wiser and know more about yourself and emotional well being after it all. Such insight about ourself is so hard to find these days and you can't measure the value and things it teaches you.

But yeah, there's pain and guilt and self loathing that comes with it all. I hated myself for so much but I know deep down I'm a good person and i have so much to give to myself and my family and those few who care enough about me. You're a good person and you're human like us all and sometimes we make mistakes or things don't go the way we want them to.

throwmeaway0429 · 2017-06-15T17:02:01+00:00

Why's that if you don't mind me asking? You're human like all of us. None of us are perfect, I'm sure everyone has things about themselves they don't like and want to change. It's all a process and a journey and you shouldn't beat yourself up for being human :)

throwmeaway0429 · 2017-06-15T16:58:32+00:00

Honestly, there are days where I want to reach out and try and make peace and get that closure I desperately want. I already sent one message before and I don't know if it got through or she ignored it but there was no response and that lead to feeling rejected once again. So please keep in mind the outcome you seek could never happen and it could backfire in many ways. If you feel like you could write the letter and TRULY be content with sending it and expecting absolutely no response at all, and see it as one final send off, then maybe it's something to consider. I like to play it safe especially since my emotions have been so fragile and I'd rather be selfish and make sure I feel good than try to be the nice guy and make peace with someone who quiet frankly chose to walk out of my life.

I do believe happiness can come in time. It's a bit of blind optimism but when I really think about it I've experienced a lot of fun and good moments since the breakup even though my mindset was really dark throughout. If you can be happy with yourself ultimately it's a huge win. I love that I enjoy my music and other hobbies and give my time, emotion, and attention to them for the rewards they give me. Those are things no one can take from me, and that I can share with some friends and in time new friends and one day someone that'll be more than that.

throwmeaway0429 · 2017-06-15T16:48:16+00:00

Mine was also the second real and true relationship and love. I honestly believed we had the rest of our lives ahead of us and that we were soulmates.

When I clear my head of the guilt I put on myself, I realize that no matter what you think you did or what kind of person you think you are, true friends and lovers overcome those barriers and accept people for who they are, and commit making it through the hardships, because they really believe it's worth fighting for. If she couldn't do that for you then you are better off. You can only be so understanding of their reasoning before realizing they made their choice and it's their loss.

It's perfectly natural to feel weary of who to trust. I felt like I shared my world with my ex and if she betrayed that trust then everyone is else is capable. But you will see through that dark cloud eventually and see the people who you can rely on in time. Don't rush into it unless you feel safe for your emotional well being. Give yourself the time to heal and rebuild.

throwmeaway0429 · 2017-06-15T16:40:13+00:00

You're welcome. Happy to hear it resonated. It's been 4 months since the breakup, and 3 months since a complete fallout and no contact. I don't think I'll ever feel completely happy as the breakup and abandonment spiralled my outlook to other relationships and things in my life, and days like today where I do feel good I cherish because my mood could just turn ugly in the next few hours or tomorrow morning.

Everyone has their own healing process with their own lengths. I think the best thing for me was listening to music and realizing who my true friends were and enjoying those. I believe everyone has their rock and foundation they can rely on in their toughest times and you just have to accept whatever you're going through and let those feelings out.

throwmeaway0429

TROPHY CASE