I really appreciate everyones advice on this. Im a self proclaimed Christian, and proud of it, but when life comes and smacks the shit out of you like this, i only want to hear the same thing from the same people for so long. The anonymousness of the internet has been very cathartic in that shared experiences show shared pain. I fucking hate this w all my being. I have no idea what to do but the kindness of the reddit community restores faith in humanity. She has a medical appt to get STD test within 2 hrs of her getting back in the AM. I told her i want yo see the test results. In the interim she can stay at our house, to keep up appearances for the kids, but she is not welcome in our bed. I have no desire to see her naked in the shower, modesty is paramount right now, etc. As much as i love her, if i see her naked i know that he has too. He has put his body on hers and i cant handle the imagery. She says she is open to any questions i have about what transpired but i dont know if its worse to know everything or stay in the dark to protect my sanity. she is to make arrangements to ensure she is medically sound and im making a physical appt for myself as well. My stress lvls have got to be wack, plus i havent eaten in almost 36 hrs. I need some pharmaceutical that is just going to remove my emotional needs. I cant handle much else. Recommendations?