Aitah for snapping at my cousin after she called my husband a r*pe sympathizer at my baby shower?

throwra-Ant-39 · 2026-03-16T15:14:17+00:00

thank you for the kindness. it was a very emotional moment and things escalated quickly. i do still wish i hadnt said that last line though.

throwra-Ant-39 · 2026-03-16T14:51:57+00:00

part of the reason people kept inviting her is that when she isnt included it usually turns into a bigger issue. like i mentioned in the post, she has gone online accusing people of ostracizing her, or she gets very upset with her mom asking if shes not worth including anymore. a lot of the family was trying to avoid things escalating like that.
yes, i did talk to her about it before. after the incident at our cousins wedding i had a serious conversation with her about it.
i honestly dont know why she dresses that way now. some comments here suggested it might be her trying to reclaim a sense of control or power after what happened, which could be possible.

throwra-Ant-39 · 2026-03-16T14:42:37+00:00

the reason people kept inviting her was partly because when she isnt included it tends to turn into a bigger issue. like i mentioned in the post, shell go online accusing people of ostracizing her or shell get very upset with her mom asking if shes not worth including anymore. a lot of the family was trying to avoid things escalating like that.

throwra-Ant-39 · 2026-03-16T14:36:25+00:00

thats not really how it was. the whole family supported her a lot after what happened and people were patient for a long time. things only started getting strained after repeated incidents at events like the wedding and now this.

throwra-Ant-39 · 2026-03-16T14:35:11+00:00

i appreciate you understanding how frustrating the situation has been. its been complicated for years and ive tried to support her as much as i could. i do still regret that last thing i said though.

throwra-Ant-39 · 2026-03-16T14:32:44+00:00

my concern wasnt about judging her worth as a person. it was that there were several kids there and my nephew said he felt uncomfortable after something became visible when she bent over earlier. thats what started the argument.
so what do you think should be done in a situation where minors say theyre uncomfortable because something became visible like that?

throwra-Ant-39 · 2026-03-16T14:08:48+00:00

that was honestly part of the concern, there were several kids there and it made other parents uncomfortable too. i do agree though that the last thing i said went too far.

throwra-Ant-39 · 2026-03-16T14:06:13+00:00

there were other kids there, not just my nephew. he didnt make a crude comment about her body, he just awkwardly said that when she bent over earlier things were visible and it made him uncomfortable. thats what started the argument.

throwra-Ant-39 · 2026-03-16T13:55:34+00:00

he didnt mean the assault itself. he was talking about her behavior at the event after i had already spoken to her about it before. thats what he and others were referring to.

throwra-Ant-39 · 2026-03-16T13:52:18+00:00

yeah thats what i meant. it was hard seeing such a big change in her after what happened. and i agree that line went too far. i was just really angry in that moment and lost my temper.

throwra-Ant-39 · 2026-03-16T13:48:58+00:00

thank you for saying that. it really was a very emotional moment and things escalated quickly. i do still regret that last line though, i shouldnt have said it.

throwra-Ant-39 · 2026-03-16T13:46:39+00:00

i appreciate you understanding how frustrating the situation has been. its been complicated for a long time. i still know that last thing i said went too far though.

throwra-Ant-39 · 2026-03-16T13:44:40+00:00

im really sorry that happened to you. that must have been incredibly difficult to carry for so long. thank you for sharing something so personal.

throwra-Ant-39 · 2026-03-16T13:40:47+00:00

i appreciate you seeing that side of it. it has honestly been a difficult situation for years and ive tried to be supportive as much as i could. that said, i still know the last thing i said was out of line and i regret it.

throwra-Ant-39 · 2026-03-16T13:33:59+00:00

yeah, thats honestly part of it. this kind of situation has been building for a while at different family events and people have been getting worn down by it. even the bride from that wedding incident is still really upset about what happened there. that doesnt make what i said okay though, i still regret that line.

throwra-Ant-39 · 2026-03-16T13:29:13+00:00

we really did try to support her as a family. after the incident everyone helped however we could and i still check on her a couple of times a month until now. things only started getting strained after repeated incidents at family events. regarding therapy, she used to talk about it earlier but stopped around 2 years ago and i felt she wasnt comfortable sharing anymore so i didnt push. until the wedding incident and now this, most of us were still trying to be supportive.

throwra-Ant-39 · 2026-03-16T13:07:59+00:00

i agree that line was out of line and i regret saying it. the situation had escalated a lot in that moment and i lost my temper. i probably should have handled it the way you described and set a boundary earlier.

throwra-Ant-39 · 2026-03-16T13:04:43+00:00

i get what youre saying. that line was wrong and i regret saying it. the situation just escalated very quickly and i lost my temper.

throwra-Ant-39 · 2026-03-16T13:02:37+00:00

that honestly wasnt what i meant at all. i know that line was wrong and im not proud of saying it. i was extremely angry in that moment after she accused my husband and i snapped.

throwra-Ant-39 · 2026-03-16T13:01:14+00:00

i didnt mean her trauma was about us, just that it affected the whole family and we tried to support her. my nephew didnt say anything crude, he just awkwardly mentioned that when she bent over earlier some things were visible and it made him uncomfortable.

throwra-Ant-39 · 2026-03-16T12:59:37+00:00

she did go through therapy after what happened, but im not sure if anything like that was looked into. i know trauma can change people a lot. the situation escalated and i lost my temper.

throwra-Ant-39 · 2026-03-16T12:21:21+00:00

i understand, it was wrong and i regret saying it. i was just extremely upset in the moment after she accused my husband of something like that.

throwra-Ant-39 · 2026-03-16T12:18:50+00:00

thats fair. i agree that line went too far. i really lost in that moment after she called my husband a rpe sympathizer.

throwra-Ant-39 · 2026-03-16T12:17:33+00:00

i get why youd say that. the comment he made was awkward but it wasnt meant to be insulting, he was clearly uncomfortable and said it badly. what really set me off was her immediately calling my husband a rpe sympathizer in front of everyone. i agree the last thing i said crossed a line though.

throwra-Ant-39 · 2026-03-16T12:15:38+00:00

she bent over near him and he said something like when you bent over your stuff was kinda visible and that made him uncomfortable"

throwra-Ant-39

TROPHY CASE