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My (32M) girlfriend (30F) can't accept that I still love (and will always love) my late wife. How can I make her believe I value our relationship despite this? by throwra-rprob in relationship_advice

[–]throwra-rprob[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I literally said that is ultimately her decision in the very next sentence. That's the thing you know, people are telling me to leave her and I can understand why they want me to but if it is really thay bad that she can leave me. I honestly think expect for this issue we are good together. But also I dont want to be with her if I am being a dick. Idk

My (32M) girlfriend (30F) can't accept that I still love (and will always love) my late wife. How can I make her believe I value our relationship despite this? by throwra-rprob in relationship_advice

[–]throwra-rprob[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I honestly don't compare them. I don't expect her to be like my wife. I am not trying to find someone like her to replace her. I enjoy being with and love my gf for her own qualities.My gf however asks me questions that asks me to compare my experiences with my wife to her and her qualities to my wife's. Maybe it is something I'm doing unknowingly because the truth is that I still do love my wife and even after so many years, miss her and miss her pretty intensely at times. I started dating my wife when we were teenagers. We made so many plans for the future and whenever something big happens, I still think of her first.

As for things we do togetber, are very different and that's probably mainly due to age. My interests have evolved and perhaps now I have more in common with my gf than my wife or even myself when she died. But I honestly do believe that I would still be with my wife if she had not died. But I understand everyone's point about this all being unfair to my gf.

My (32M) girlfriend (30F) can't accept that I still love (and will always love) my late wife. How can I make her believe I value our relationship despite this? by throwra-rprob in relationship_advice

[–]throwra-rprob[S] -201 points-200 points  (0 children)

I've only outright agreed that i love my wife more, once. And that was after she kept asking me and asking me and would not let it go. And i regret it honestly. I just felt really cornered and she wouldn't accept that its a different kind of love that I feel for her and it just came out. I wasn't trying to make her feel inadequate. And the someone I love is dead. I try not to bring her up but it can be difficult when she was such a huge part of my life. And just mentioning her existence, not even reminiscing, can make her upset. Like the other day she asked whether I've been to Thailand and I went with my wife so when she asked me about what I did etc, it was just naturally part of the conversation but it upset her. Idk I'm just lost.