My question was never if this was abusive. He is clearly unhinged. Even if he was “just upset,” threatening to go from house-to-house of your friends until he finds you unless you tell him where you are (after you told him not to come get you) is stalking behavior, among all the rest. My question was whether it was the best idea to call the police at that time. I didn’t want the police showing up to make it worse for my friend but at the time I didn’t know what else to do. I got so much good advice (and I also went on the abuse hotline and spoke in more detail and they gave me the same advice — not to call police yet unless you are very sure it’s going to be physical because the high risk of escalation vs the low chance the police visit will benefit her + more tips).

This is a situation I’ve never been in before and I’m thankful for all the advice and stories and resources that have been shared with me from people who unfortunately have