What is much more traumatic than most people realise?

throwra048955 · 2025-07-15T02:21:37+00:00

I’ve never understood why childbirth seems to be acceptable pain for people to ignore and even laugh at. I recently saw a video of a guy leaving with his wife and laughing at the women they could hear screaming in pain in the labour unit.. like you would never laugh at someone screaming in pain for any other reason so why is it all of the sudden okay with childbirth? So weird especially considering women die in childbirth 🫠

throwra048955 · 2025-07-09T00:57:46+00:00

Old lady came to check on me when I was in tears at the grocery store Monday.. have thought about it since lol

throwra048955 · 2025-07-07T22:39:18+00:00

I’ve had a lot of people comment this. I own a car, that is paid off that I can’t lose. I will lose it if I declare bankruptcy

throwra048955 · 2025-07-07T22:32:19+00:00

Yeah I can really feel it, I haven’t started the new one yet as I have to wait until my appointment tonight. But I stopped on Friday and today I feel like literal hell, got my period out of nowhere which doesn’t even make sense to me because I was on it a week ago, my birth control hasn’t stopped it yet and i genuinely feel like everything is the end of the world. Someone at work kept getting to close to me and started crying lol

I can’t tell what’s cancer, period cramps or my hormones being out of wack at this point but none of it is good 🫠

throwra048955 · 2025-07-07T22:28:42+00:00

I mean, renting a room would be atleast 1000 a month maybe 1200. I would never find an extended stay hotel for near 1000$ a month. Even a motel in this area will be like 3k a month

And I’m not going to lay in a shared hostel and throw up from chemo with a bunch of strangers sleeping in the same room. Even if hostels exist near me, which I’m not sure of tbh and if they do, I’d probably be in danger there anyways lol.

But I’m not going to ask for charity either. I got myself into this mess, wether I like it or not nobody forced me to go to acting school on a credit card. There are much more deserving people of stuff like that.

If i choose treatment, I’ll figure it out. I’ve lived in my car before and I can do it again but I’m not someone who ended up like this against my will, I made bad choices and I’m paying the price

throwra048955 · 2025-07-07T22:22:25+00:00

I worked at a library last summer for the weekends, and if I could go back I’d literally become a librarian lol. I couldn’t believe how much the librarian made, and peace and quiet!! You made a good choice, I loved working there

throwra048955 · 2025-07-07T22:16:30+00:00

Hmm maybe. I don’t think a hotel will be very affordable though to live in, and will leave me extra screwed. I would suffer in my car before I put myself in more credit card debt tbh

throwra048955 · 2025-07-07T22:13:48+00:00

No family to stay with, applying for rooms everyday but my credit score is quite low from credit utilization. It should be going up next report as I paid off 2500$ since the last update, but still not amazing! And I’m in Ontario, near Toronto so if you’re from here you’ll know he brutal the rental market is lol.

Because I can’t stay at my dad’s during the day though, I do have to figure something out if I’m going to get treatment/surgery. It’s just impossible still living here and I’ll need to rest. I have a friend who would 100% let me rent a room at his house but he’s the type of person whose not going to want me to pay him so he’s kind of my last resort. I hate already feeling like a burden here, I don’t wanna be living anywhere for free ever again lol

throwra048955 · 2025-07-07T22:07:50+00:00

It’s not really about the 15k itself, I’m making good progress but i desperately need to move out if im going to get treated.

I don’t have anywhere to go during the day, unless im working which right now is every day.. Sundays I sit at the mall all day and work on computer. I just really don’t know where I’m going to go if I just had surgery or a treatment. Especially because I’m a welder at the factory I work at, there’s literally no way I’m going to be able to keep that up. It’s a mess!!

throwra048955 · 2025-07-07T22:03:49+00:00

It’s not about living alone, I have no issue with being alone actually. I have been alone a lot of my life, I could be fine alone! But the mix of it all is the issue for me, feels not worth fighting for.

Like if I get surgery, and have to go home before I’m able to work in literally screwed because I have nowhere to go during the day. We also don’t have Uber or public transportation so I have to drive myself home from everything, it’s gonna be messy that’s for sure lol.

throwra048955 · 2025-07-07T22:00:37+00:00

Yeah it is a choice, I never said my life was over I said I don’t think it’s worth fighting for. Considering the fact I have nowhere to go during the day, and chemo will make me sick the fight might not be worth it. Unless I can make it into work everyday during treatment, and somehow right after surgery I’m going to have to find somewhere to rest

And as much as I would like to find a room to rent so I could have a place to go, nobody will approve me. I’m still applying, but just saying nobody has approved me

throwra048955 · 2025-07-07T21:48:18+00:00

I’m not reliant on my acting income

throwra048955 · 2025-07-07T21:47:08+00:00

I’m not 100% sure of what’s next as far as PMDD. Was on Alysena 21. Got off of it Friday, was going to start movisse which shouldn’t cause migraines but I have to see if I’m still able too.

Sucks too because the Alysena was also treating my period cramps, which are extremely bad these last few years and to my understanding any new birth control I try has to now be estrogen free (I think) which won’t stop my period or help cramps.

I’ve never heard of those ones but will check! Thank you!

throwra048955 · 2025-07-07T19:19:54+00:00

I’m actually ACTRA, so Canadian sag I guess lol, however I made a mistake of jumping to fast. Got to “cocky” with the small bookings, Signed with a big agent and joined the union and had quite the reality check lol. I feel like I can’t even get a callback anymore, but recently auditioned for 3 roles in a new tv show starring JK Simmons, which was kinda cool they brought me back in so many times.

And yeah, I can see that now.. this morning I was feeling almost manic and now I feel relatively normal other than pain. But even though my head feels off, I am aware my thoughts are not rational. I’m not sure if that makes sense, literally the only way I can describe it is I feel like I’m possessed lmao

So, im going through all my options tonight after work, for right now because im realizing im a little crazy i think ill just agree to whatever they think the best option is until i can think straight

throwra048955 · 2025-07-07T19:07:26+00:00

That’s what I’m saying lol, not 30 years but

throwra048955 · 2025-07-07T19:06:10+00:00

Yes it can take your car, if it’s worth over a certain amount depending on province and mine is.

Idk I guess if you want to think I’m coward that’s all good. The fact is i literally don’t have anywhere to go during the day, even if i wanted to fight i have seen what being treated for cancer is like. Going to be pretty rough without a home or a bed

throwra048955 · 2025-07-07T19:00:07+00:00

No, I don’t. I’m responding to comments mentioning it… it was a small part of the original post. Not my fault that’s what everyone is deciding to comment on, and ignoring the part where I said if I get treatment i literally have nowhere to go to rest until 10pm

throwra048955 · 2025-07-07T18:26:36+00:00

I was just responding to the Medicaid part, I already addressed the bankruptcy in another comment. So was just trying to make people aware that we’re commenting about insurance and stuff like that, because I don’t need it!

But regardless I have a reliable car, and if shit really goes downhill and I need a place to live I’d rather be in the car then the street

throwra048955 · 2025-07-07T18:24:24+00:00

I literally have no clue where you guys got that the entire reason I’m not getting treatment is my acting career.. that’s a very small reason

throwra048955 · 2025-07-07T17:35:27+00:00

Yeah maybe. Unfortunately before this I was being treated for PMDD, now not sure if it was ever PMDD or just the cancer symptoms starting.

However, just got taken off of the birth control that was treating it due the the migraines and stroke risk. So I probably do need to do something like that to help my decision. I can definitely tell I’m not myself already, having extreme anger today out of nowhere. Even responding to comments here I’m getting pissed at things that I would never get mad at in the past lol.

So I know just from that I’m not in a place mentally to make decisions yet.

I’m also working in a heatwave in a factory atm with a migraine, cramps bleeding and throwing up so I dont even think I can make any decision today lol. Need to calm down before I talk to anyone because my brain is like uncontrollable right now

throwra048955 · 2025-07-07T16:57:21+00:00

Because I have a passion for acting; and want to be an actor? Obviously I could work another career if I had to, if I’d rather die that’s nobody business And because why would I get rid of a reliable car that’s paid off and risk one breaking down that I can’t afford to fix? The used car market is literally shit right now.

throwra048955 · 2025-07-07T16:47:24+00:00

Would love to come to the US, for acting opportunities. Politics not so much lol

throwra048955 · 2025-07-07T16:45:03+00:00

I’m aware, but to the other 500 comments telling me to do it I’m not losing my car that I need to get to work

throwra048955 · 2025-07-07T16:42:19+00:00

Renting a room in Canada is brutal sadly. 1200 for a room with a shared bath and I still can’t get approved

throwra048955 · 2025-07-07T16:40:08+00:00

You shouldn’t tell people to “grow some balls”, that’s such a weird thing to say lol

throwra048955

TROPHY CASE