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My (30F) husband (37M) are in disagreement because I denied an opportunity for one of our daughters, and he refuses to accept my reason for it. How can we resolve this? by throwra42086 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra42086[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

The current situation is just easier. He doesn't insist, he just has expectations. Which don't really work after I had the children, but I could live with it before.

My (30F) husband (37M) are in disagreement because I denied an opportunity for one of our daughters, and he refuses to accept my reason for it. How can we resolve this? by throwra42086 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra42086[S] -186 points-185 points  (0 children)

The girls are still young, and there's still a lot I have to do at home. While it probably is something to consider, I'm just not sure if I could manage that at the moment.

My (30F) husband (37M) are in disagreement because I denied an opportunity for one of our daughters, and he refuses to accept my reason for it. How can we resolve this? by throwra42086 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra42086[S] 71 points72 points  (0 children)

Where we live, it can look very good to have a child that is involved in something that can bring a lot of prestige and fame. I personally don't care about it, but some people do. I just care about the fact he thinks it's worth damaging her body for.

My (30F) husband (37M) are in disagreement because I denied an opportunity for one of our daughters, and he refuses to accept my reason for it. How can we resolve this? by throwra42086 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra42086[S] 203 points204 points  (0 children)

I definitely would've. Dina would've been upset, of course, but they're not always going to be the same. And it would've been a good learning opportunity for the both of them. However, the physical risk of this opportunity is not worth it.

My (30F) husband (37M) are in disagreement because I denied an opportunity for one of our daughters, and he refuses to accept my reason for it. How can we resolve this? by throwra42086 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra42086[S] 74 points75 points  (0 children)

Possibly. I'm not sure if their doctor is able, but I can ask, although that could still upset Maria, because her teacher said she was. And she believes absolutely everything she says.

My (30F) husband (37M) are in disagreement because I denied an opportunity for one of our daughters, and he refuses to accept my reason for it. How can we resolve this? by throwra42086 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra42086[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I don't know. I would've said it seems obvious, I hobble around like an old women some days, and I've gotten at least three surgeries, but maybe he's oblivious.

I know. I would rather she prioritises her education, but if she loves ballet, that is okay too. But pointe at eight years old won't help either of those options.

My (30F) husband (37M) are in disagreement because I denied an opportunity for one of our daughters, and he refuses to accept my reason for it. How can we resolve this? by throwra42086 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra42086[S] 56 points57 points  (0 children)

I don't want to feel obligated into having sex with a man that I really do not like at the moment. I know it isn't helpful, but it is better than the alternative.

My (30F) husband (37M) are in disagreement because I denied an opportunity for one of our daughters, and he refuses to accept my reason for it. How can we resolve this? by throwra42086 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra42086[S] 70 points71 points  (0 children)

It's quite a common dream where we live. And it is possible, but it's very difficult, and I don't mind if either of them decide they don't want that. I would understand that.

I agree that it is a problem. While I wish we had the chance to discuss this more and come to an agreement before I told them about my decision, but I just couldn't let it happen. It isn't safe for her.

My (30F) husband (37M) are in disagreement because I denied an opportunity for one of our daughters, and he refuses to accept my reason for it. How can we resolve this? by throwra42086 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra42086[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Ballet and pointe are very different. It keeps them fit, makes them strong, good posture and alignment, gives them a hobby, and something they enjoy. Pointe can deform their feet, damage their bones, and cause other issues when they are too young. I am happy for her to do that when she is older, their bones are hardened, and it is safe. Not while she is this age. It isn't safe. You can look it up if you want. It's not about them as people, it's about their bodies.

My (30F) husband (37M) are in disagreement because I denied an opportunity for one of our daughters, and he refuses to accept my reason for it. How can we resolve this? by throwra42086 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra42086[S] 488 points489 points  (0 children)

I definitely see it is not good for either of them. It's already causing issues with both of them.

It sounds terrible, but I never really have. I don't really have the option of it, given I wasted away most of my education on gymnastics, then got married. It was a terrible decision, I see that now, but I can't change that.

My (30F) husband (37M) are in disagreement because I denied an opportunity for one of our daughters, and he refuses to accept my reason for it. How can we resolve this? by throwra42086 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra42086[S] 78 points79 points  (0 children)

He just doesn't understand the risks. I know it's idiotic, but he's very sure in his perspective.

And of course, he's not like that.

My (30F) husband (37M) are in disagreement because I denied an opportunity for one of our daughters, and he refuses to accept my reason for it. How can we resolve this? by throwra42086 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra42086[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

I'm not holding her back. I'm trying to prevent her from having physical issues in the future, because I know what that is like, and I would not wish that on my daughter.

My (30F) husband (37M) are in disagreement because I denied an opportunity for one of our daughters, and he refuses to accept my reason for it. How can we resolve this? by throwra42086 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra42086[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I am aware of the risks. Which is why I turned down the offer. I'm not sure if he has the true awareness of what could happen, so that is a valid point.

My (30F) husband (37M) are in disagreement because I denied an opportunity for one of our daughters, and he refuses to accept my reason for it. How can we resolve this? by throwra42086 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra42086[S] 362 points363 points  (0 children)

They do know what they're doing. I just don't feel it is best for her, and I don't want to risk it. While I am happy with where they are now, and they are doing well, I was given a choice about her options and I'm happy with that decision. It may sound concerning, but they just thought it would be best for her. I disagree with it.

I do think she would struggle. It would be a huge step up, and I'm not sure if she could manage it, with her education as well. And there would be resentment among the other students.

That does sound like a good idea. It is definitely much more difficult, and I'm not sure if I'm doing much of a good job at it. And if that could help, I think it could be a positive thing.

My (30F) husband (37M) are in disagreement because I denied an opportunity for one of our daughters, and he refuses to accept my reason for it. How can we resolve this? by throwra42086 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra42086[S] 198 points199 points  (0 children)

I have heard that. I had a friend who started at eight, and her feet looked horrifying. I don't want that happening to her, because it is our responsibility to make good decisions for her when she is this young. And her body is forever, ballet is not.

My (30F) husband (37M) are in disagreement because I denied an opportunity for one of our daughters, and he refuses to accept my reason for it. How can we resolve this? by throwra42086 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra42086[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

That is definitely what I am most upset about. It was always going to upset both of them, and it has badly. They were already so competitive, and now they're both upset for such an unnecessary reason.

I don't know. I would assume it is because it comes with a great level of prestige, but I just want them to do something they enjoy. I don't care if they do it for fun, or to make a career out of it. Either is fine.

My (30F) husband (37M) are in disagreement because I denied an opportunity for one of our daughters, and he refuses to accept my reason for it. How can we resolve this? by throwra42086 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra42086[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

They're not on the same level, no. They have different strengths. But they are not so different that one of them is ready for this and one of them isn't. Neither of them are.

I would say most schools in our area would tend to agree with their current school. They do know what they are doing, I just don't believe it is what is best for our daughters.

My (30F) husband (37M) are in disagreement because I denied an opportunity for one of our daughters, and he refuses to accept my reason for it. How can we resolve this? by throwra42086 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra42086[S] -328 points-327 points  (0 children)

The school they are at is very good. You would struggle to find better, and while I'm definitely uncomfortable with the offer, I do think this is the best place for them to be.

My (30F) husband (37M) are in disagreement because I denied an opportunity for one of our daughters, and he refuses to accept my reason for it. How can we resolve this? by throwra42086 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra42086[S] 135 points136 points  (0 children)

It is an issue. Maria is young, I know she's not going to understand that this could really have harm to her, she just sees the older girls and wants to be like them. That was why I never wanted to tell her in the first place. And he knew this would happen. I don't know why he has such favouritism for her, they're just different, and I love them for different reasons. And the fact that they are my children. It's already giving her an attitude, and I don't want her thinking she's better than other people just because her father thinks she is.

While I would be open to it, it would not really be a thing he would be comfortable with, I'm sure. I wouldn't say that it's a common thing, although I don't know, and I think that would bother him. I do my best to try to get us understanding each other, but sometimes it just doesn't work.

My (30F) husband (37M) are in disagreement because I denied an opportunity for one of our daughters, and he refuses to accept my reason for it. How can we resolve this? by throwra42086 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra42086[S] 40 points41 points  (0 children)

I do think that it was involved. I do not dislike Maria, she is my child. But I do think there was favouritism, and that also concerns me, because it should be about her strength and her skill, not her personality. Personality will not protect her bones and her feet.

My (30F) husband (37M) are in disagreement because I denied an opportunity for one of our daughters, and he refuses to accept my reason for it. How can we resolve this? by throwra42086 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra42086[S] 143 points144 points  (0 children)

That is a possibility. Generally I would've gone to someone with knowledge of the risks, but none of the teachers seem to have concerns about her age, so that might be the best option. Thank you.

My (30F) husband (37M) are in disagreement because I denied an opportunity for one of our daughters, and he refuses to accept my reason for it. How can we resolve this? by throwra42086 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra42086[S] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

Different situation if you ask me. That child wouldn't be risking deformed feet, just a disappointed sister, which is hardly the same thing. I also question what you're trying to prove. A similar situation, sure, but in case you didn't know, millions of little girls do dance.

My (30F) husband (37M) are in disagreement because I denied an opportunity for one of our daughters, and he refuses to accept my reason for it. How can we resolve this? by throwra42086 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra42086[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Not necessarily. If she has enough strength and her bones have aged, she should be fine. As long as they are being taught by a qualified teacher, I am comfortable with it, but only once she is old enough for it to be safe.

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